The Celebrity Apprentice
“A Family Affair” – S7/E3
Remember Last Week:
The first task was to create commercials and a slogan for “Neat” a technology company that solves paper and digital clutter. To me, the commercials were similar in quality – one didn’t blow the other off the map. The women were a hot mess with the technology-challenged Kate as their Project Manager (PM) – but Leeza really took over as the de facto PM and accomplished the goals of the task. However, the men failed to use the “Neat” logo or any significant branding identification in theirs – so they lost. Kevin, the PM thought he could outwit Trump and brought in Ian and Geraldo thinking that since he and Ian were a united front that Trump would have no choice but to fire Geraldo. Silly, silly Kevin. Trump fired Kevin and his 4.3 million Twitter followers. Silly, silly Trump.
The 2nd task of the night required the teams to create a Luvo bistro and to put on an entertaining and informative product tasting that highlighted Luvo’s brand and their products. Again, the women were a hot mess – with their food not getting served in a timely manner and Jamie and Kenya having “words.” The men looked like they had it in the bag…that is until Gilbert told some not so funny jokes to a family-friendly audience. Gilbert did not fight for himself in the boardroom which also included PM Terrell and Geraldo. Their slogan of “Eat lean, live long… Luvo for a delicious life” also didn’t win the hearts of the executives. Gilbert was summarily fired.
The teams must create a four-page fitness advertisement + tutorial = advertorial for Cosmopolitan magazine. They will be judged on their originality, creativity and overall presentation.
Donald Trump, Jr.
Johnny and Jamie step up as PMs.
The women’s team (Infinity) decides to feature their two gold medal Olympians because that’s something concrete that they have over the men’s team (Vortex). Jamie wants to do something about being a natural beauty without lots of makeup – but since this is for Cosmo…How is THAT possibly going to work? Kenya suggests using, “Touch Me” as a catch-phrase so wherever the reader touches on a picture of a woman they’ll get info on how to work out for that specific area of the body. Booty talk ensued… For example, if people wanted to know how to get their booty to look like Kenya’s booty – They would click on that area of the picture and they would learn about the exercises for the booty. Brandi insists the readers can just buy a new booty – Implying that’s how Kenya got hers. (Dig, dig, dig)… Kenya is so NOT AMUSED…
Ultimately, Kenya is cranky that the team doesn’t want to use her face and body as the model for the ad and instead they want to use Brandi. Kenya calls Brandi a “Stick Figure.” Many of us here refer to Brandi as “Bobblehead.” Some of us even lovingly call her, “Brandi (The Twit). But okay, “Stick Figure” works, too. Kenya wants to write the ad, star in the ad, and direct the ad. However, she’s told she can’t do everything. Kenya disagrees.
During the shoot, Kenya relishes in her role of director and takes the opportunity to criticize Brandi at every turn. She even physically demonstrates how she thinks Brandi should stand and arch her back to accentuate her booty (or lack thereof). Brandi is wearing a top zipped up to her neck because at the moment she is embarrassed by her body. Brandi had no warning for this photo shoot and is self-conscious of her potato chip fed tummy when normally when she has to do a photo shoot like this she would have hit the gym. Kenya senses it, and like a shark, zeroes in on Brandi’s point of vulnerability. Brandi decides not to let “The bitch” get to her so she flips it over and instead strips down to her underwear (with a tasteful wrap) so “the bitch” won’t have anything to criticize her about. The bitch (Kenya) does have a point though – Since Brandi is so used to being naked she doesn’t understand what the problem is… And that would be believable if she wasn’t a woman who MUST know how sometimes we feel not so great about our bodies. This is pissing me off, by the way, because I’m put in an unenviable position to actually have to defend Brandi… Boy, does that ever make me cranky.
Surprisingly, the men’s team (Vortex) still manages to fit the entire team AND Geraldo’s immense ego inside their “war room” to plan how to execute the task. Geraldo comes up with a concept surrounding “Selfies” (Remember Geraldo had a selfie that went viral a couple of years ago)…Terrell comes up with the idea, “Love Your Selfie Naked.” Geraldo decides to physically demonstrate to the team how the shoot could go by uncomfortably hugging Johnny a little too long while Johnny is taking a “selfie.” Ian observes, “Geraldo hugging Johnny – It was a moment that Geraldo forced on Johnny – Held it too long and you know… with all that kind of action – Johnny should have at least gotten dinner and a movie first.”
Johnny (major league baseball player) offers up his wife, Michelle Mangan (beautiful model and btw we hate her) to come in and take some of the pictures with him for the ad. Johnny knows they can really add the sex appeal that Cosmo readers want since as husband and wife they are comfortable in ummmm… doing just about anything for the ad… Johnny and his wife are comfortable with “hitting it,” so to speak. They can pitch it down the middle… They can round the bases and head for home… They can hit a home run… They can swing… They can slide into home plate… They can play the field… They can really grasp a bat… They can catch a fly ball even when the sun’s in their eyes – if you know what I mean… And of course, they can score. (No, I don’t even know what I meant by some of those, either… So let’s just move on, shall we?). The men’s team also wisely uses the very yummy and very shirtless Terrell for their ad. That is – Unless one of the women on the set devours him first.
And Geraldo, because he is, indeed, Geraldo – Can’t help but strip down to his BVDs and strut around while pumping dumbbells in this hands while the photo shoot is going on. Okay, I get that you’re in great shape, Geraldo… I get that your almost nekkid selfie went viral… but for the love of God, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON! Your pathetic cry for attention is just downright embarrassing. Inexplicably, the men decided to replicate Geraldo’s viral selfie. Lorenzo thinks that the 70-year-old Geraldo is in amazing shape but is wondering if he will appeal to the 18-34 demographic of Cosmo readers. I’m looking at the picture below – and I count 3 dumbbells in the picture… Do you? Lol… (Sorry, I couldn’t resist referring to Geraldo as a “dumbbell” while he is, in fact, carrying dumbbells).
It suddenly comes to mind that Kenya and Geraldo are remarkably alike.
~~ They both have gaspingly immense egos.
~~ They both truly believe they’re the best at everything.
~~ They both think they’re smarter than everyone else in the room.
~~ They both think they can manage tasks better than the project managers.
~~ They both try to sabotage others on their team.
~~ They both are quick to throw others under the bus.
~~ They both harken back to past glories to attempt to substantiate current relevance – Geraldo with being a war correspondent – and Kenya with being “Miss USA.”
~~ They both believe the world revolves around them. I wonder when their two worlds are going to collide…
Execution of Task #1
Vortex presents their original 4 page spread: “Love Your Self(ie) Naked” – It features selfies and pictures of couples exercising together. You hear the narration, “As the cell phone has become the new watch – It has now become the new mirror.” I’m not sure if they were trying to be profound but it fell flat if they did…lol. The pages had a picture of Johnny and his wife nekkid… A story that Ian contributed about pole dancing classes because his wife took a class… They had Terrell working out with a model… and they had Geraldo re-creating his viral selfie.
Team Infinity featured the article, “Touch Me – Take our 10 Day Champion Challenge to Score a Touchable Body.” Jamie barely can contain her enthusiasm (not) as she boringly or perhaps nervously begins the women’s presentation with the picture of the two Olympians with flags around their seemingly nekkid bodies… Then Kenya steps up by presenting the “Game On” picture of a couple in their “Hot and Healthy Couple in a Post Delightful position.” After they’ve gone through the various exercises to make them feel confident, sexy, and strong… … then there’s also a “Get a Leg Up” page. Not much more is said about their article.
After Trump and his purple tie enter, the men quickly start off by splitting hairs over who came up with the title and concept. Geraldo wants to make sure they know he came up with the concept but that Terrell came up with the title. It takes all of 5 seconds for him to begin to throw his team under the bus because they didn’t use every single idea he had. Puhleeze. Geraldo thinks that assigning his team to do this particular task that targets 18-34 year women is like assigning a bunch of apes to a garden party.
Jamie thinks the women did a great job and they had a creative concept. When Kenya is asked to identify the star on their team, Kenya, because she is Kenya, said herself. However, Jamie also agreed with that assessment. Wow. Jamie said that Kenya really stepped up and was heavily involved in various areas. Brandi is asked about how she thought Kenya did on the task. Brandi sidesteps the question by saying she think they won the task. After asking again, Brandi again asserts she thinks they won the task and that she’s not a fan of Kenya. Brandi goes so far as to call Kenya, “Evil.” Ahhh… Isn’t it nice that the “Real Housewives” experience has paid off so that Brandi to pump up the drama on cue. Captain Selective Memory – Kenya says that everyone can attest that she has been nothing but polite to Brandi. She goes on to say that Brandi consistently makes underhanded remarks about her to push her buttons but that she just ignores them.
Jamie does tell Trump about the nasty comment Brandi made about Kenya’s booty. Brandi says she did say it – but that it was only because during the photo shoot that Kenya kept telling her to arch her back, pop it out, etc. when Brandi was trying to model. Umm, yeah that explanation would work… but unfortunately Brandi, you said that BEFORE the photo shoot, you dunderhead.
Ivanka tells us the executives felt the concept of the selfie was incredibly good – it was very creataive and particularly relevant. They liked the 1stperson writing style. Their criticism was in the lack of specific takeaways in terms of the fitness element and the diet element. They thought they did a good job of showing exercises but they thought the reader might have a hard time implementing them.
Don tells us the executives liked that the women used the buzzwords that Cosmo’s readers would look for – they could tell they were clearly readers of the magazine. What they didn’t love was that there was a bit of a disconnect in the “Touch Me” theme. It felt like 3 different spreads to them and not one cohesive spread.
Trump announces the men won the task.
Leeza is asked who she would fire – Using the rationale of firing one of the people most involved in the execution of the task – she says she would fire Kenya. Now, from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – We know that Leeza is good friends with Brandi so of course, she is going to side with her. Brandi is asked the same thing and surprisingly she does not say Kenya – But instead says Kate because she didn’t bring enough to the task. Kate and Kenya would fire Brandi because she’s negative and toxic to the team.
Jamie is asked who she’s bringing back to the boardroom and she seals her fate when she asks Trump who he would bring back. Strike one. Oh Jamie, Jamie, Jamie… After vacillating back and forth she decides to bring in Kate and Kenya. Oh my, Kenya is going to eat her up and spit her out. Kenya and Kate chide Jamie for not bringing Brandi into the boardroom. Jamie enters the boardroom and tells Trump she made a mistake that she should have brought in Brandi. Strike two.
Trump says but isn’t that part of the reason you’re here – because you have a certain amount of indecision… and you’re young. Kenya takes umbrage to the fact that Trump keeps bringing up age because after all, Kenya was 22 when she won “Miss USA.”
Jamie does stick up for bringing Kenya into the boardroom since she had so much to do with the project. Trump again reaffirms that Jamie has a certain amount of indecision and that she’s made some mistakes. Strike three. “You’re fired.’ Even Amanda (Trumps receptionist) looks like she feel sorry for Jaime.
Once everyone is back in the suite – Terrell asks Kenya if it’s her real bootie… And she says he can touch it if he wants. So… ummm… like… he does.
Rut roh… It’s another fundraising task! The teams must open a bridal boutique and sell wedding dresses for as much money as they possibly can make. Okay, now how is this fair to the guys? As usual, the winning PM keeps all the money that is raised by both teams.
Let’s recap… The challenges thus far have included: 1) A fundraising challenge that required teams to create, bake, and sell pies; 2) A marketing challenge that required teams to create a slogan and commercial for “Neat” a company that solves paper and digital clutter through scanning and cloud services; 3) A marketing challenge that required teams to conduct a product-tasting presentation for Luvo, a frozen meal company; 4) A creative challenge that required teams to create a 4-page article about exercising for Cosmopolitan magazine; and now, 5) Another fundraising challenge that requires teams to sell wedding dresses. Perhaps it’s just me, but it seems that the majority of these challenges by definition would favor a woman’s point of view. Plus, I recall seeing similar challenges as these in previous seasons. Come on NBC… Can’t we be a little more creative and a lot more fair?
Okay, now here we go – Trump is changing the teams around. The new “Vortex” is now Geraldo, Kate, Shawn, Vivica, Sig and Lorenzo. The new “Infinity” is now Brandi, Kenya, Ian, Johnny, Leeza and Terrell. It kinda cracks me up that Brandi and Kenya are still on the same team – I guess we need to maintain a level of drama. But it is interesting that they separated Ian and Geraldo from each other. Hmmm… Perhaps being rivals on separate teams will create more drama than being on the same team?
Ian quickly volunteers to be PM for “Infinity” and therefore, Geraldo, because he is an ass, and even though he’s already made $278,734 for his own charity, volunteers to be PM for “Vortex.” See, now that’s just not fair. Geraldo’s allowed to be PM for a second challenge when there are plenty of people who haven’t been PM yet? Plus, he’s the PM on the second fundraising challenge (and there’s only been two) which gives his charity an incredibly unfair advantage in earning power over every single other charity (Since on non-fundraising tasks the winning team is only awarded around $40,000 – $60,000 for their charity). Trump should have stepped in and said “Pick again.”… This is so inappropriate!!!!!!! For me, this is all about the charities – and this is WRONG WRONG WRONG! This really flips my fig… dagnabit.
The PMs thus far have been (Strikeouts were summarily “fired): Geraldo and Keisha; Kevin and Kate; Vivica and Terrell; Jamie and Johnny…So, that means that on “Vortex” that Shawn, Sig and Lorenzo have yet to be PM – Wow, that’s half of the team! I mean I get that it’s obvious they don’t have a lot of earning power between them… but come the heck on. I get a sense that Ian was waiting to volunteer to be PM until another fundraising challenge came along since he really didn’t have a lot of say in Geraldo being the PM on the first one. I agree with Vivica that this is going to just be a pissing contest between Geraldo and Ian. I’m sure NBC loves it. I hate it.
Donald Trump, Jr.
The two “Vortex” vans are on the phone with each other as they drive to their destination. Geraldo thinks he can bring in $130,000. Kate promises $50,000 which is interesting since she didn’t promised to bring in $25,000 but ended up not raising any money since the check(s) didn’t arrive on time. We don’t hear what everyone else promises – Which is kind of interesting, no? On a side note, there are rumors flying that Kate is dating a very, very wealthy man… hmmmMMMmmm…
Ian rallies his troops by talking about the importance of his charity (Epidermolysis Bullosa Medical Research Foundation – Dedicated to helping medical scientists learn more about EB, its causes, treatments and, hopefully, its cure. – http://www.ebkids.org/) which he says is overlooked and underfunded. When he’s asked about his personal connection with the charity – he starts talking about how skin care has always been important to him. Huh? Brandi thinks this is “The Ian Show” and there’s a whole lot of talking going on which is mentally exhausting to her. It makes Brandi cranky that Kenya seems to be kissing Ian’s ass and stroking his ummmm… ego – And evidently, this all gives Brandi anxiety. [Insert gratuitous eyeroll here.]
Ian says in terms of raising money, he already has $185,000 locked and ready to go. Wow.
Execution of Task #2
Everyone hits the ground running. On team “Infinity” Brandi separates herself from the other members of team so she can make her fundraising calls in peace and so she doesn’t have conflict with Kenya. Ian checks on her and she assures him she’s doing okay and that she just wants to make his charity some money. Ian thinks he has motivated his team to victory. I think Ian drank a little too much of his own Kool-Aid. Terrell seems just to be sitting around eating. He says he’s made his calls and he’s just waiting on callbacks now.
Geraldo loves the new dynamic on his team where there are both men and women. It’s also probably because he singlehandedly alienated most of his other team with his pompous flexings of ego and muscle. Kate has an idea of doing a pop-up hair salon as a mechanism for drawing people into their storefront as opposed to the other team’s which is right next door. Kate also suggests that she and Geraldo dress as a bride and groom to draw people in… Because, you know… Doesn’t everyone want to rush out and marry a guy who has been divorced 4 times or a woman who has shown herself to be almost impossible to live with who also happens to have 8 kids?
Ian made sure before coming onto the show that he had people and companies lined up who could provide a variety of things he might need for a task. As a result, he has tons of decorations come in – a sign with an “Infinity” logo on it… Very, very kewl. Did I mention he has Chippendales dancers passing out their flyers? Yummmm….
He was concentrating on bringing in all 200 wedding dresses and the props, etc. when Ian notices he can’t find Brandi. OMG… Brandi went back to the hotel because she had a panic attack. She is lying in bed but still making her phone calls…lol. Wow. Kenya thinks it’s because Brandi is intimidated by Kenya, she’s a loser and she’s all kinds of crazy. Terrell thinks it shows that Brandi is a quitter. The entire team seems dumbfounded because no one was even talking directly to Brandi.
As the task unfolds, we find out that Geraldo has a one donor who singlehandedly donates $100,000 while Ian has one who donates $165,000. Wowza.
Brandi’s panic attack is quickly brought up and Trump is surprised that if it was going to happen that it didn’t happen in his Boardroom. Ian thought it might have been because of the dynamics between Brandi and Kenya – but Brandi insists it had nothing to do with it. Ian says that Brandi is fragile and that a stressful situation like this task can be very rattling for her. Brandi insists she’s not fragile and that she had a straight up panic attack. To Trump’s credit I think he handles it quite well (Dagnabit!…lol).
Both PMs think they won. Trump makes an announcement. In the 14 seasons of Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice – They’ve never had something like this happen before… The two teams together raised almost $600,000. Holy crap on a cracker – There is only a $2,500 difference between the teams. Trump does something he has NEVER done before. He gives the two PMs the choice of each one keeping the money their team made… or they can go for broke and the winning team gets the entire $600,000. The PMs decide to each keep their own team’s earnings which is good for the two charities. Plus, it’s an easier decision for Geraldo since he already won $278,734 for his charity from the first task of the season.
Ian’s team raised $292,547
Geraldo’s team raised $294,780
Trump increases both totals to $300,000 for each charity (after hearing a plea from Ian).
Leeza raised $20,000, Kenya raised $35,000 and Brandi raised $40,000. Terrell and Johnny are unsure exactly how much they earned, but Terrell thinks he brought in between $5,000 – 10,000 and Johnny thinks he brought in at least $11,000. Trump says it would be hard to fire the PM on this task because he raised so much money himself.
Ian brings in the 2 lowest fundraisers, Terrell and Johnny back with him into the Boardroom. Terrell brought in the least amount of money and even he thinks he’s the one that should be fired based on that bottom line. Terrell was also not very fired up during the task… Which of course led Trump to say, “Terrell, you’re fired.”
“Bitch is dumb as rocks.” Kenya says this to no one in particular as she stomps out of the room when her team decides to use Brandi as a model for the ad rather than her.
“He took his shirt off and every guy felt fat.” Ian says of Terrell during the photo shoot.
“His back is like a bumpy road of muscles… It’s insane.” Ian says of Terrell when he takes his shirt off for the photo shoot.
“I don’t, like, hate the guy… I just see him as kind of a… brick.” Geraldo says of Ian. Now this is where I disagree with my closed-captioning – because I really think Geraldo said, ‘prick’ not ‘brick’ but perhaps I’m just too jaded or used to the verbiage of what a ‘Real Housewife” would say…lol.
“I want to beat Ian very badly… I knew that the sub-theme running through that redheaded head of his was ‘get rid of Geraldo.’ So having Ian as my principal rival is very motivating for me.” Geraldo says of Ian as he steps up to be the PM.
“I don’t know what kind of money Geraldo has lined up. But I’m coming with a pretty big war chest. He feels like he’s the big cock of the roost, but he’s not.” Ian says of Geraldo when he’s talking to his team about fundraising for this task.
“If you can’t be a person of money… Then be a person of value.” Ian says to his team as he tries to give them a pep talk about the importance of raising money for his charity.
“Failure is not an option.” Ian says about this fundraising task that he recognizes might be the one and only opportunity he has to raise money for his charity on this show.
“There is no tomorrow – Don’t hold back – Now’s the time to get involved.” This is Geraldo’s pep talk for his team to beat Ian and oh yes, to earn yet even more money for his charity.
NOTE: I thought it would be interesting to see the ratings for the first 3 episodes of The Celebrity Apprentice.
Please note that the significant drop in viewership could be because the national championship football game was being played during the airing of Episode 3 – Or it could be that Kevin Jonas’ 4.3 million Twitter followers collectively tuned-out since his firing from the previous week. Please note the statistics have been gleaned from: http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/
Well, that’s it for this week… I love how the teams are mixed up now because I think it makes everything more interesting and creates a more even playing field for challenges. Thanks for reading and until next time… Happy trails!