The Celebrity Apprentice
“I Wish I had a Project Manager” – S7/E4
Remember Last Week:
In the first task, the teams created a four-page fitness advertorial for Cosmopolitan magazine. Surprisingly, the men won the task – I think it’s only because Terrell took off his shirt and took some pictures. Project Manager (PM) Jamie made a mistake in bringing Kate and Kenya into the Boardroom with her and then stunningly confessed to Trump that she thought she had made a mistake. Oopsie! The snowboarder was way too chill and indecisive to even have a chance in this kind of competition. “Jamie, you’re fired.”
The second task was the 2nd fundraising task of the season and Geraldo smartly steps up immediately to be the PM when he knows he’s going up against Ian (Trump switched up the teams). I popped a gasket that Geraldo was allowed to be the PM on this 2nd fundraising task since it’s these kinds of tasks that generate crazy amounts of money for their charities (Geraldo’s charity had already received $278,734).
The task is to sell wedding dresses but they could really have sold bags of marshmallows since winning the task has very little to do with what you’re selling and everything to do with whom the celebrities have lined up to cough up the money. Each team raised almost $300,000 with only $2,500 separating the winning from the losing team. Before announcing the winner, Trump gave the PMs the option for each team to keep its own funds they raised and both PMs quickly agreed to it (Instead of one charity getting all $600,000). Geraldo’s team narrowly won which brings the dollar amount his charity has been awarded thus far to a staggering $578,734. Ian brings Terrell and Johnny into the Boardroom with him as the 2 lowest fundraisers from his team. Terrell is fired and is really classy about it.
The teams must create a mobile boutique marketing event that showcases “Ivanka Trump Shoes” in partnership with Nordstrom. The pop-up store should reflect the footwear line’s slogan “Power Up,” which refers to its ability to address the multifaceted needs of the modern workingwoman. Sig wonders why all the tasks have been “so feminine lately.” I wondered the same thing last week… The legendary Joan Rivers makes her final appearance on The Celebrity Apprentice in this task. For that reason, I am shamelessly using as many Joan-centered pictures as I possibly can.
Remember – The teams were switched around last week so here they are at this point: The new “Vortex” is now Geraldo, Kate, Shawn, Vivica, Sig and Lorenzo. The new “Infinity” is now Brandi, Kenya, Ian, Johnny, and Leeza.
Kenya volunteers to be PM for “Infinity”– but Vivica only reticently tosses her hat into the ring for a 2nd time since none of the 3 who haven’t been PMs yet on that team (Shawn, Sig, and Lorenzo) will do it. Shawn says she doesn’t know much about fashion or mobile marketing since she’s an athlete. I think it would have been HILARIOUS for Sig to do this task, but oh well…lol. Shawn’s plan of flying under the radar and not be noticed until you have to be noticed is so going to bite her on her dupa. Vivica is clearly cranky with Shawn about this.
Infinity: Kenya is hell bent on re-creating a classic Nordstrom’s shopping atmosphere – Complete with a baby grand piano and chandeliers. Since they’re supposed to be marketing to capture the “millennial” shopper, Leeza quite astutely wonders if this old fashioned marketing strategy is the most effective method to be successful in this task. Kenya comes up with “Power up your sole” as their slogan but doesn’t have many other ideas.
The competition between Brandi and Kenya continues as Kenya thinks Brandi is bothered by Kenya’s intelligence and creativity. Kenya thinks creatively speaking, that she’s the strongest player on their team. But that’s not surprising because Kenya is under the grand delusion that she’s “gone with the wind fabulous.” I think she’s just dust in the wind. Where’s a tornado when you need one? Starts to inexplicably sing, “All we are is dust in the wind.” “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” “I bless the rains down in Africa.” (Sorry, gratuitous Real Housewives of Atlanta quote that blurred into a Kansas memory which related to a Wizard of Oz reference that was interlaced into a Kansas song that dovetailed into a Wizard of Oz quote and ended in a lyric from a Toto song which of course brings us back to Oz…and me thinking about a certain wicked witch and how I wish a house would fall on Kenya.) But I digress… No, I mean I REALLY digressed…lol… (Thank you to all of you who were able to take that little trip with me…lol).
When it comes time to setup the mobile marketing event – Everything is in disarray. I mean there’s stuff everywhere – But Kenya is so focused on the darn chandeliers and the piano that she misses the entire point of the showcasing the shoes. Fortunately, her team steps up to ensure the shoes are physically and digitally displayed by maximizing the tablets they have available for their use.
Leeza says as she looks at the mess (but I prefer to think she’s just playing along with my Wizard of Oz reference game), “God, I wish I had a broom.” Brandi quickly replies, “I know…I wish I had a Project Manager.” Oh Brandi, if you only had a brain.
Vortex: Geraldo sincerely he believes that his ideas are always better than everyone else’s ideas. The problem is that sometimes he does have great ideas – but we’ll never know if anyone else ever does because he just steamrolls over everyone whether he’s PM or not. His marketing idea is to use the “I” in “Ivanka” to demonstrate the different roles a woman has – “I” am a working woman… “I” am a mother… “I” am a girlfriend, etc. Geraldo describes his mind as a volcano that’s always spewing. Quite frankly, he just makes me spew.
The team decides they’re going to transform the mobile unit into an exquisite dressing area for the women to try on the shoes. Lorenzo comes up with the idea to serve coffee at the event. Unfortunately, though, the space turns out to be very small and they’re forced to come up with a plan “B.” While Shawn, Kate and Sig are out shopping…Wait a danged minute… Vivica complained bitterly the last time she was PM that Shawn and Kate were out shopping way too long and yet she sends them out together again on this task? That just doesn’t make sense to me….
Anyway, while Shawn, Kate and Sig were out shopping, the Plan “B” they came up with was to create an outdoor café experience since there was plenty of outside space they could use. When they called Shawn and Kate about the change, their new idea didn’t go over too well since they had already bought material for curtains, etc. Shawn seems especially worried.
Execution of Task #1
Joan Rivers comes by Team Infinity’s event and seems to be impressed with everything they’ve done. I’m not sure that she’s entirely sold on the foot massage and the green juice they’re handing out, but okay. Hopefully, she didn’t hit her head on the low-hanging chandelier. She seemed to be especially fascinated by their use of digital technology on the screens and on the tablets that effectively showcased the shoes. Ivanka comes by and politely declines the foot massage. She seemed incredulous that she was even offered a foot massage. But – She kept a straight face – I’ll give her that.
Team Vortex has a bunch of café tables and chairs set up next to a big book mobile-looking kind of truck. Coffee is being served but there is absolutely no visual connection to the shoes. When Joan Rivers comes by she’s concerned people are coming for the free coffee and leaving without ever seeing the shoes. She does, however, seemed pleased with their efforts. Ivanka seems pleased – but it’s hard to know how she really thinks. When Ivanka was talking to Shawn about the process and flow of the event – It seemed like Shawn was distracted or something. Shawn is no actress – I think she was cranky at Vivica. But Ivanka gave enough positive feedback that caused Vivica to believe they actually won the task.
In the Boardroom, Kenya and Brandi play nicely together with each using their nice words. It was Leeza who cast shade on Kenya. Leeza said that Kenya was “good” but not great because they were so disorganized at times.
Vivica picks on Shawn and Kate thus paving the way for identification of who is going into the Boardroom with her should they lose the task. Kate never did understand the new concept and she and Shawn were really thrown a loop when the task changed dramatically midstream. As an example, Kate explains how she was told by Vivica to pick up some fake flowers for their dressing room idea. Kate knows that fake flowers does nothing to convey the luxury of Nordstrom or Ivanka’s shoes. She therefore chooses to buy fresh flowers and fake flowers so Vivica can choose. Vivica just wrinkled up her nose at this and said, “If you want to toot your own horn for bringing in some fresh flowers…then ‘beep, beep.’”
Ivanka liked the “Power Up Your Sole” concept and how it related to her brand. However, the piano, chandeliers and foot massages all seemed to miss the target of attracting the millennial customer. To me, it was all a bit wonky.
Ivanka liked Vivica’s presentation, the idea of championing the various aspects of being a woman, and the coffee shop idea. However, the product was not the focal point of the event – and that’s a major misstep. She thinks they concentrated too much on her and her shoes and not enough on Nordstrom.
Ivanka said that Kenya went above and beyond from a creativity standpoint because her event included photos and videos of the products. It showed that she really understood the brand. Ivanka announces that Team Infinity won the task.
After some senseless back and forth because let’s face it… Don’t we ALL know that Vivica is going to bring Shawn and Kate back into the Boardroom with her? Man o man, I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
The leg that Vivica chose to stand on with Trump was that at least she volunteered to be PM again – Which was clearly throwing Shawn under the bus. The fact that the PM entirely missed the entire point of the challenge seems not to matter to anyone. I’m just baffled. I think Shawn and Kate are tired of Vivica’s self-important grandstanding and they’re letting it get to them.
Earlier Ivanka also had agreed that Shawn seemed to be somewhat blasé about this challenge. Yeah, it’s kind of not so great to have the namesake of the shoe line think you’re anything but over-the-top excited about her danged shoes.
Vivica then makes a cockamamie statement about how she thinks the other women are a bad influence on Shawn. Huh? Where did THAT come from? Shawn disagrees and explains that she just lets people think they can play mind games with her but that they don’t manipulate her at all.
Trump can’t help but hold the fact that Shawn didn’t volunteer to be PM on this task against her. During the grilling, it came out that Shawn had some great ideas and Trump thinks that if she had been PM they would have won. The words inevitably come, “Shawn, you’re fired.” How is Vivica not responsible for this loss? I just don’t get it…
The teams must create a viral video to promote “Chock full o’Nuts’” new single-serve coffee product (http://www.chockfullonuts.com/). Each team is responsible for everything about the video (writing, shooting, editing) which will be judged on creativity, brand messaging and entertainment value.
Leeza steps up as PM for “Infinity.” You just know she’s gonna rock it because she’s done so much on most of the other challenges. They come up with this brilliant idea of using Brandi and Kenya’s natural rivalry as a tool in their video. Ian and Johnny are going to be casually drinking their coffee. Suddenly, a physical fight begins on the street between Brandi and Kenya.
However, instead of seeing the actual fight that’s going on before their very eyes… Ian and Johnny both fantasize about Kenya and Brandi being scantily clad in a bedroom while pulling and tugging playfully at each other in a pretend, sexy fight. Personally, I think if they had brought mud or jello into the mix – It would have been way more fun. Or maybe they could have tried to drown each other – That would have been fun, too! Or maybe drowning is just my fantasy of what happens to them… Or maybe there could be a tornado and a house could fall on them… Wait… That’s so last task. Moving on…lol…
Lorenzo volunteers to be PM for “Vortex.” Geraldo has been drinking this brand of coffee for many years and is singing the jingle as the men sit down and start to plan. Lorenzo decides they should make a commercial with Geraldo singing the jingle… The idea is to have Kate and Vivica rapping in the background somehow… Because you know, whenever I think of a female rapper I immediately think of Kate. For some inexplicable reason, Lorenzo thinks a trip down memory lane of the coffee’s history is a good idea… I get that retro can be kewl – and they’re going to use black/white transitioning into color effects in the commercial… But just how is that a viral video? But then again, what do I know?
I want to know who told Geraldo that he could sing… Seriously… But, Geraldo, because, you know, he IS Geraldo – Actually says that the company should be honored to have him do this commercial for them for free because he’s been offered a lot of endorsement deals throughout the years. Right Geraldo – Because it’s not like anyone else in the room is routinely offered endorsement deals or anything. Puhleeze. Sit yourself and your ginormous ego down. What on earth can deflate this man’s immense ego? Dagnabit… Where is Tom Brady when you need him? (Sorry, gratuitous current pop culture football reference…lol… For those not in “the know” just Google “deflategate”).
Execution of Task #2
Vortex is using a 50s theme that morphs into the current day. Unfortunately, Kate’s hair is seemingly taking several years to style into the perfect 50s hairdo. Vivica, the timekeeper, just can’t help but squawk about how long it’s taking every chance she gets. Perhaps it’s just me, but it seems like there were other things they could have been doing while waiting for Kate and her hair, no? Vivica seems like she’d be the kind of supervisor who walks into a room and flails her arms around, makes sure everyone is there on time and doesn’t leave early, but who doesn’t seem to actually do much work. But maybe it’s just the editing. Or perhaps it’s the fact that I’m still cranky that Shawn was fired at the end of the last task. Well, that… and the fact that Geraldo is firmly the center-of-attention in this commercial. For that one reason they ALL should be fired, in my opinion. Ugh.
Everything seems to be going pretty smoothly for Team Infinity. Well, except for the rotten acting job of Brandi and Kenya. However, in the midst of their street fight, Brandi manages to say, “Don’t make me beat your ass like Porsha did.” Lol… This is a reference to an altercation Kenya had with another Real Housewife of Atlanta wherein she was physically attacked on camera during the filming of an end of season reunion show.
It’s tough for many of us to take Brandi seriously, but occasionally she does have some good ideas. During the editing of the video, she identified that there wasn’t much brand messaging in the video. She was summarily dismissed by Ian who said, “You know, Brandi, why don’t you work outside?!” Okay, he was so out of line… And she actually was making a very valid point… but it was a hilarious moment for those of us who really don’t like her much.
Everyone is playing nicely in the Boardroom. Everyone loves each other. No one was a slacker, blahditty blah blah blah. I mean the fact that Geraldo wore his tux with tails from the commercial shoot was even overlooked (and not mentioned, I might add… which was HILARIOUS to me…lol). I almost thought they were about to sit cross-legged on the floor around a campfire, toast marshmallows for s’mores and sing “Kumbayah.”… That is… Until Kenya opened her mouth…lol…
Kenya pointed out the fact that Brandi didn’t play right because she underhandedly takes personal shots at her all the time – She was alluding to how Brandi brought up her fight with Porsha from another show.
But then, Kenya inexplicably continues, “I didn’t bring up LeAnn Rimes with her when I had my scene. I didn’t bring up the fact that her husband left her for a younger, prettier woman, so she shouldn’t be doing that. She should leave my personal life alone.” Whoaaaaaaaa… She just broke girl code. Kenya, you nasty, nasty witch with a B… Brandi looks like a truck just hit her. I bet Brandi wishes a house would fall on Kenya right about now. It may be one and only time in history that Brandi and I agree on something.
Even Trump seems quite taken aback by that comment. He says that it is a pretty tough statement. I think with that one statement that Kenya may have just screwed herself – and not in the good, fun kind of way. Because you know, Trump has two ex-wives himself. This may hit a little close to home for him. And with his kids sitting there… yikes!
Trump assures Brandi that she’s pretty. He can’t get over how insulting Kenya was towards her. Kenya thinks Brandi has certainly said worse things about her. I wonder if the two of them had a mock fight now… if Brandi would actually kill her. It might be justifiable homicide, no?
They look at the videos from both teams. The feedback on the Vortex video was that it seemed like it might be a good commercial but in no way was it a viral video. They said that Geraldo was a star (gag me) but that the video was much too safe to go viral. I’m surprised Geraldo didn’t take his shirt off in the video, to be honest.
The Infinity video had the fighting and the sex appeal that propelled it into a potential viral video category. However, it lacked brand messaging. In the end though, it wasn’t even close – the Executives much preferred the Infinity Team’s video.
After Vivica once again throws Kate under the bus, Trump asks Lorenzo who he wants to bring back into the Boardroom with him. While he is not ready to leave, Lorenzo says he cannot blame anyone but himself for the outcome. Wow, he’s making Trump’s job easy. Lorenzo continues to take full responsibility for the loss. Trump allows him to and tells him, “You’re fired.”
“My mind is like a volcano – It’s constantly spewing… I am amazed by my own endless creativity – I don’t mean that to be egotistical.” Geraldo, who else? I mean who else spews? I believe there will come a time when the entire earth can no longer contain the vastness of Geraldo’s ego. Perhaps that will be the beginning of Armageddon.
“All of our tasks have been so feminine lately; I can’t find my penis in the morning!”Sig says to Trump after receiving yet another female-centric task.
WE LOVE AND MISS YOU, JOAN!
Please note the following statistics have been gleaned from:http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/
Well, that’s it for this week… I predict Kenya will be fired next week. I predict Geraldo’s ego will continue to swell. And I predict I may have to throw something at the TV. Thanks for reading and until next time… Happy trails!