The Celebrity Apprentice
“It’s Like a Booze Cruise with Knowledge” – S7/E5
Remember Last Week:
In the first task, create a mobile boutique marketing event that showcases “Ivanka Trump Shoes” We were treated to an appearance by the late, great Joan Rivers as the advisor on this task. Kenya and Vivica are the Project Managers (PM) for this task. Even though Kenya insisted on hanging crazy low-hanging chandeliers that took up most of the minimal space… she somehow won the task. Trump couldn’t get over Shawn not volunteering to be PM since she hadn’t been one yet – and this was Vivica’s 2nd time. During the grilling, it came out that Shawn had some great ideas and Trump thinks that if she had been PM they would have won. The words inevitably come, “Shawn, you’re fired.”
The second task required the teams to create a viral video to promote “Chock full o’Nuts’” new single-serve coffee product. Lorenzo and Leeza were the PMs on this task. Vortex created more of a retro commercial than anything close to a viral video. Leeza’s video danced on the line of propriety because it featured Kenya and Brandi fighting in lingerie in a hotel room. Leeza’s video won because it was more of a “viral” video. Lorenzo refused to bring anyone back into the Boardroom with him because he said that everyone on his team did a good job. Of course Vivica was quick to point out that Kate cost them precious time because it took a long time for her hair stylist to create the retro hairstyle. Kate refuses to believe that her hairstyle cost them winning the task and therefore shouldn’t be fired.
In the aftermath, Kate expresses how tired she is of Vivica ALWAYS saying she’s the one who should be fired no matter what she does.
The teams must host an entertaining guided Circle Line boat tour around New York City. Each experience is to have a specific theme and they’re expected to provide quality information about the iconic New York City sites. The winner will be chosen based on customer feedback from the attendees.
Since this is as close to a task hand crafted specifically for Sig because it involves a boat he volunteers to be PM. Trump tells Sig that if he hadn’t volunteered, Trump would have fired him. Don’t worry, he got that memo…
Brandi volunteers quickly, too because she may not know much but she knows how to throw a party. Trump assures poor widdle Brandi that she will do a good job as PM (gag). Trump really like Brandi for some inexplicable reason. But he’s right, Brandi SHOULD do well at this task because she sure as heck knows how to drink… And how to throw wine at other people for no apparent reason… And to cuss like a sailor… And to be vulgar… And to whine… but I guess that’s a different show. Moving on….
Donald Trump, Jr.
Brandi is way too excited for words at this task because as she says, “I excel at partying and I’m throwing a party.” Well, it’s true – She IS a party animal… or maybe just an animal. I wonder if Trump identifies that as one of the skill requirements to be his Celebrity Apprentice – “Must be able to party.” I’m thinking, not. Brandi thinks most of her team is behind her but she knows not to trust Kenya. She uses the phrase, “I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her” – But even though we ALL know what that adage means because most of us have heard it all our lives, Brandi throws in a dig about Kenya’s weight when she says, “and I can’t even pick that bitch up.” Brandi is such an ass (Puts $1 in the cussin’ jar).
Team Infinity decides to go with a Manhattan Mardi Gras theme even though Brandi has some hesitation about it because it feels more New Orleans than New York to her. However, since it was Leeza’s idea and Ian was on board with it – She agreed to it to not make waves with the group. You know, like the true leader she is. Later on, because evidently he either changed his mind or didn’t have the nerve to disagree with the concept in front of the other team members, Johnny told Brandi that he also wasn’t comfortable with the Manhattan Mardi Gras theme. In one of the few times I can ever remember agreeing with Brandi, she decides to change the theme at the last minute. This really pisses off her team because they had already made quite a bit of headway on the Mardi Gras concept.
Okay, now this is the part that really cracks me up – because THEN they pick the completely boring theme of, “Big Apple Bonanza.” Really? Who actually uses the word “Bonanza” anymore? Golly gee, I sure hope that Little Joe, Hoss and Ben Cartwright are on their boat cruise because they’re the ONLY people who would like that theme (Sorry, obscure “Bonanza” TV show reference). I mean seriously, we’re talking about fascinating and exciting New York City here… A zillion songs have been written about it… Movies have been made about it… And while I like the “Big Apple” part… How about something like, “Take a Bite out of the Big Apple.” I mean, come the heck on… Or any number of classic New York songs like, “New York, New York” – Or even the beloved classic Billy Joel hit, “New York State of Mind” could have been a springboard to a magnificent theme. I’m actually quite shocked Brandi didn’t go with a “Sex and the City” theme because you know… She’s all about having sex in the city… and the country… and I’m sure even on a boat – No seriously, come on, you guys…A 3rd grader could have come up with a better theme.
Kenya’s keen eye spies an opportunity to be the center of attention by offering to perform her song, “Gone with the Wind Fabulous” for the cruise. Are you freakin’ kidding me? The one thing we know that most of these “Real Housewives” CAN’T do… is sing (With the exception of Kandi from Atlanta). The mere thought of Kenya with backup singers makes me laff. I think Brandi agreed to it because if she doesn’t win she will use that to throw Kenya under the bus… but I guess she said she can’t pick her up so maybe not. Brandi admits that she would love to see Kenya get fired.
Meanwhile, Team Vortex awaits orders from Captain Sig. Okay, let’s be fair about this task – While it’s true that Sig is a fisherman by trade and is used to being on a boat – but really, he doesn’t know the first thing about how to create an atmosphere for a cruise. He is going to have to lean on his team for ideas.
Fortunately, he has Geraldo on his team who is so completely tone deaf at what this kind of a cruise should be – that he suggests doing a whole Revolutionary War theme – including re-enactors in uniforms with muskets. You know, cuz nothing communicates the excitement of New York City like a good musket, right? Then Geraldo thought about bringing in some other aspects of New York like firemen and cops as a 9/11 Remembrance… and former Mayer Giuliani to speak.
Okay, I never ever thought I would see a day when Kate and Vivica agreed on anything… but this was that day. Their eyes widened at each other as Geraldo went off on yet another pompous spiel about how the cruise would be oh so much fun if it was a historical cruise. It was like Vivica and Kate were communicating with each other telepathically their complete and udder shock of what a terrible idea this was but neither knew how to best deal with the ginormous dirigible of hot air that is Geraldo’s ego. Kate finally figured it out, and in a calm, soft voice to disguise the fact she was actually arguing against the concept – brought up rational reasons why that particular theme wouldn’t work for this task. Surprisingly, Geraldo stepped back from his initial idea. I mean, anything would be better than a Revolutionary War theme, right?
And then came, “Hooters”… honk, honk! The idea to play off of Sig’s, “The Deadliest Catch” show with, “The Sexiest Catch” caught on like wildfire between Sig and Geraldo. Sig is friends with the president of “Hooters” so he’s positive he can get some “Hooter’s Girls” for this party. Okay, Captain Extreme – Moments ago you were going to have a bunch of men running around with muskets in their hands and now you’re going to have a bunch of scantily clad women running around showing off their double D barrels… A person could get whiplash with this kind of thematic change… lol.
Okay wait a minute… This is a cruise for members of the public who would be taking a guided tour New York City on a boat… Potentially, there are couples, families, school kids, etc… How is this even remotely appropriate? Wow. The women don’t think it’s a good idea… but once Sig and Geraldo got the vision of boobies jiggling in their heads… They seemed to know there was absolutely NO way that idea was going to change. I think Sig decided that if they failed the task – at least he got a little something out of it. Sig rationale was that sex sells – It always has, and it always will.
Execution of Task #1
Team Infinity pulls off a pretty great, “Booze Cruise with Knowledge” party (As Brandi refers to it). Leeza, who is our own walking Wikipedia of New York City information, does an amazing job of being a really fun tour guide. In my opinion, Leeza’s contribution to most of these tasks has been pivotal to their success. I sure hope she gets that recognition in the end. The only problem I have with Leeza is that she is forever praising Brandi. It makes me question her thought processes and intuition… but I guess, we can disagree about Brandi…lol. However, to be fair, Brandi DID singlehandedly change the entire direction this team was heading on this task – and for the better, in my opinion. It pains me to say it – but Brandi did a really good job. She showed some guts and leadership in making an unpopular decision when she believed it was the right thing for the task. Damn it (Puts $1 in the cussin jar). I apologize, Brandi brings out the cussin’ in me – She just does. You should read the recaps of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, sometime…lol.
As anticipated, Kenya’s little “I think I can sing even though I’m just talking through this song while twirling” was hilarious. The people on the cruise just looked at her as Kenya was gyrating on the ground like she was from another planet… Or maybe it was they wished she would be teleported to another planet. Anyhow, it was laughable… And so completely inappropriate for a family type of cruise. The parents were even hiding their kid’s eyes… I’m telling you…it was just hysterically comical and deliciously wrong on so many levels. I bet people are wishing that Gilbert Gottfried wasn’t fired right about now – He would have been much more entertaining.
Meanwhile, at Team Vortex, Sig flips a fig. The bartenders are late and Sig gets very volatile when he has to do some things he wasn’t planning on having to do. His sudden outburst of anger worries Kate. I think these are pretty high pressure situations and part of the reason I watch is to see how people react to them. Sig pretty quickly gets himself back under control but let’s just say I wouldn’t want to piss him off.
Team Vortex’s cruise experience is just very surreal to me. On one hand, you have “Hooter’s Girls” parading around with their boobs hanging out… but then you have the exceedingly boring tour guide of Geraldo giving people a long, tedious history of history itself… He seems to be talking just to hear himself speak. Maybe it’s a balance thing – because you have the extremely provocative and titillating “Hooter’s Girls” on one hand (or two hands, depending on… well, never mind…) and on the other hand, you have Geraldo – aka “Mr. Monotony” – Uttering a litany of mind numbing facts that no one cares about.
The people on the cruise are looking at each other like, “Kill me know if he says one more word…” It’s pretty funny. At one point, as if Geraldo senses everyone is falling asleep, yells out as he points to the new World Trade Center, “Screw the terrorists, we’ve won!” Everyone just cringes. Yikes!
In the Boardroom, Trump turns to Sig and asks him if he should be fired if Sig loses this task because it had to do with a boat. Sig is confident they won because after all – they had “Hooter’s Girls.” Puhleeze. He maintains a “No risk – No reward” attitude.
Brandi says that her team worked really hard. Ian tries to toss Brandi under the boat by tattling on her changing the theme at the last minute. Brandi maintains that the “Manhattan Mardi Gras” theme would have been an “epic fail.”
On Team Infinity’s cruise, people were confused at the theme but they had way too much fun for words. Everyone agreed that Leeza did a phenomenal job as tour guide. Some people liked Kenya’s risqué performance – others thought it wasn’t appropriate or classy.
On Team Vortex’s cruise, people liked Vivica as the host, loved the music and the food – but didn’t like the “Hooter’s Girls.” It seems like the women felt left out and overlooked. Perhaps they should have gotten the Chippendale Dancers in, too… Who knows? Lol… They also thought that Geraldo was somewhat polarizing.
We are told that in the end that the guests thought Brandi’s team did a better job. Okay, perhaps I missed something… but unless the tour guests went on BOTH tours… how can they possibly know who did a better job? Perhaps it’s just a semantic issue or perhaps I really did miss that piece of explanation…
Okay, I’m going to say another nice thing about Brandi (this may be the last time…no promises). She seemed to be genuinely upset that Sig’s charity – The Coast Guard – Would not be getting any money. She implores Trump to do something about it – and he immediately says he’s giving them $25,000, which is awesome. On the way out of the Boardroom, Geraldo corners Sig and tells him that he has an additional $40,000 that will be contributed to his charity, too.
Trump asks everyone who should be fired – and of course the women say that Sig should be fired. Sig said the women never voiced to him their concern about “The Hooter’s Girls.” Kate said they had already fought the Revolutionary Theme… She didn’t want to go against them again.
Trump really has no choice but to say how much he likes Sig but then to tell him, “You’re fired.”
Vortex is down to 3 members, so Trump asks Geraldo who he wanted to join their team, and he said Leeza while Vivica says Ian. Of course, Trump could not have cared less and instead sends Kenya. Fabulous. The teams must build a themed environment that features the luxurious resort amenities of the Trump National Doral – Miami. The teams will be judged by Eric and Donald Jr. on creativity, brand integration and overall guest experience. Ian and Kate volunteer to be PMs.
Donald Trump, Jr.
On Vortex, Geraldo has some first-hand experience with the Doral resort’s golf courses. He thinks it would be a great idea to feature the “Blue Monster” iconic golf course by creating a mascot of the same name. There was some talk about whether that would communicate luxury or not – but Kate was immediately sold on the idea.
They are given a specific amount of space within which to work and Kenya designs a layout of for all the elements of the exhibit. Kate breaks the bad news to Kenya that she needs her to go shopping – but Kenya has a cow and says she should be the one to stay back with the carpenters to supervise the construction. She thinks that going shopping is a waste of her valuable skills set and you get the feeling that she actually thinks it’s beneath her to do so. Kate holds her ground because in her opinion, as PM, this is finally one task that she doesn’t have to be the designated shopper. You just know that Kenya is ready to kill Kate. Kate feels that if Kenya wanted to supervise this whole thing then she should have volunteered to be PM. I think she’s right.
At the end of a long shopping day, Vivica and Kenya really get into it. Kenya starts to incessantly text Kate about all her drama stuff with Vivica. Kate has her hands full and has no time for this nonsense. It’s so clear that Kenya is throwing Vivica under the bus first before Vivica has a chance to do the same. Vivica wants to make one last stop to complete the list they have from Kate but Kenya just wants to get back so she can see what’s going on with the construction.
Meanwhile, Team Infinity is rejoicing that Kenya is no longer on their team. Leeza things this task went much more smoothly without her. Ian tries to motivate his team by talking about his charity. Now I know some people get tired of this – but to me – this is ALL about the charities… and I really had no idea about his until he came on this show.
Ian also tells us, “If we lose, I have to turn my focus on my team to see who was of greatest value and who was of least value. But if I’m going to throw someone under the bus, it shouldn’t be a surprise to them because they got the bus schedule!”
The main elements of their exhibit are a children’s clubhouse, a golf course, and a spa. Johnny promises that he can get a pro golfer to come and give some golf tips. However, after exhausting all of this resources, Johnny was unable to deliver on that promise. Of course, this makes control freak Ian flip out. But Ian comes up with a plan and gets someone to come in with some special technology that is used to analyze golf swings. It was really quite brilliant and so appropriate.
One of the funniest parts of this task was when Brandi tried to move a Doral logo made in flowers to a different, more visible location without Ian’s permission. You would have thought she committed an act of treason or something with the way he reacted. It was pretty funny. And the Doral sign made of flowers remained in obscurity because Ian has to be right at all times… lol.
Execution of Task #2
Despite the drama, Kate is very happy with Vortex’s exhibit. She’s pleased with the various set pieces and how it’s all laid out. However, Kenya is extremely dissatisfied and thinks it does not at all communicate the level of luxury that Trump is known for at his resorts. I gotta admit that Kenya is kind of right about it. It felt like a glorified craft project to me. Other than the blue monster that was in the children’s area – There wasn’t anything even remotely compelling about the exhibit, in my opinion. Evidently, somewhere along the line, Kenya has been dubbed, “The Queen of Luxury” because she doesn’t think anyone else knows a danged thing about it. [Insert gratuitous eye roll here.]
The weird thing to me was that Geraldo was being a bartender and was making these “Blue Monster” drinks. I think he was drinking more than he poured. Now in my opinion, you don’t drink while you’re on the job. But then again, I’m not Geraldo. Thank God.
Infinity’s exhibit was way more interactive and exciting. Ian’s rolodex of people ready to help him whenever he’s PM is pretty impressive. He was even able to bring an artist’s drawing of Donald in as one of his set pieces. Johnny made up for his mistake by being the masseuse of the day. The line of women to get a back massage by Johnny was over 49 miles long… Well, maybe not… but they LOVED it and once they were in the chair it was hard to get rid of them…lol.
When the Trump brothers and the Doral representative came around to assess the exhibit, they kept quizzing Ian on the specifics about the Doral Resort (size of ballrooms, etc.) and he failed miserably. But guess who walked up with the right answer at the right time? Brandi… lolol! I’m sure that really chapped Ian’s hide.
Overall, it seemed like everyone had way too much fun for words at Infinity’s exhibit and that there was something there for just about everyone.
In the Boardroom, Kenya just can’t wait to bring up the drama that she had with Vivica. She is also unhappy that she was relegated to shopping duty. Kenya says of Kate, “She needed to have support from her team, and I’m a team player. You don’t become Miss USA without being a team player!” Really, Kenya? Isn’t Miss USA an individual title… When did it become a team sport?
The Trumps say that Team Infinity did a great job in demonstrating the luxury aspect of the resort and in creating an interactive experience. However, on the down side, they really didn’t put much focus on the kid’s section.
Conversely, the Trumps say that Team Vortex did a great job in focusing on the kid’s aspect with “The Blue Monster” mascot but that they really did little else because their exhibit was neither luxurious nor interactive. In the end, it wasn’t even close and Team Infinity wins by a mile.
Vortex is left to battle it out. Kate blames the lack of luxury on the fact that the war between Kenya and Vivica took the team’s focus away from the task. Kate says that Vivica is the better player of the two. Kenya disagrees explains that when she and Vivica were both PMs on the same task that she won so it means that Kenya must be the better player. Tough to argue with that.
Kate says that all this drama is noise that gets in the way of work. Kate thinks the team would operate better without Kenya. Kenya is not taking this lying down. She points out, “They lost three in a row, Mr. Trump!” This, of course, is a very good point. Kenya thinks she’s being ganged up on. In a completely delusional statement, she actually tells Trump that everyone thinks she’s pleasant and easy to work with…omg… I can’t even type that with a straight face. That’s just so danged hilarious. Vivica is incredulous that Kenya keeps reciting her resume every time they’re in the Boardroom.
And I hate it when Trump does this… He asks Vivica if she thinks that Kenya is attractive or beautiful. What the HELL does that have to do with anything? He makes me crazy sometimes! Who cares if Vivica thinks Kenya is beautiful or not? Did that impact the success of the task? For a man who is supposed to be so smart – Sometimes he says the goofiest things and it makes him look like a blundering dunderhead.
Kenya snottily replies to Vivica’s less than glowing assessment of her beauty, “Well, I haven’t had any plastic surgery to my face!” Vivica lambastes Kenya about having a fake dupa and boobs. Heck, even Kenya’s eyelashes aren’t safe from Vivica’s wrath.
While Trump knows that Kate had a difficult team to handle, he decides to fire Kate. Kate is shell-shocked and devastated. She looked like she had NO idea she was going to be fired. I mean, I guess I get it because the conversation was all about the drama of the 2 women – But Kate, you’re the PM on a failed task which means at best you have a 50/50 chance of being fired. I think also, that since drama is needed for this show – That the two women actually argued their way into one more week. Ehh… but what do I know?
“I excel at partying and I’m throwing a party.” Brandi explains why she’s PM for this task.
“I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her and I can’t even pick that bitch up.”Brandi talks about how she doesn’t trust Kenya at all.
“Geraldo has to be approached with reasons why that is not a good idea and they have to be sound, true, non-exaggerated and delivered very calmly.” Kate explains her approach on how to change Geraldo’s mind about the Revolutionary War theme.
“Let’s face it, sex sells – Always has, always will.” Sig says this is the reason he wanted the “Hooter’s Girls” to be part of his tour.
“It wasn’t ever personal. It was just the fact that what he was doing was disruptive and destructive.” Ian talks about what it’s like working with Geraldo.
“Geraldo is like the Teflon man. Nothing sticks to Geraldo. He’s the one with his fingerprints all over these concepts, and yet he’s such a smart strategist. That is just winning the day for him.” Leeza explains how Geraldo doesn’t get fired even though he is the common denominator in Team Vortex’s failures.
“I didn’t just make magic, but I pulled the entire magician out of that hat!” Ian gloats because he is confident his team will win this task.
Please note the following statistics have been gleaned from:http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/
Well, that’s it for this week… I was so wrong in my last week’s prediction that Kenya would be fired this week… Silly me! I guess there’s always next week…lol…Thanks for reading and until next time… Happy trails!