Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Sister Act” – S5E13
Remember last week…
Kim recently returned from a 5 night stay (what she told Lisa R), a 7-8 night stay (what she told Brandi), or a 9-night stay (what she said in her blog) – Depending on which of the many faces of Kim you choose to believe – or not to believe… Evidently, Kim had a fractured rib, ruptured disc, and hiatal hernia that came about because of the pressure from all of the coughing she’d been doing from having bronchitis and pneumonia for weeks. But somehow she miraculously was healed because she was able to stand straight up on a barstool (not a step stool – a tall bar stool) with her hands extended – and she got down from that standing position on said barstool without even a whimper of pain when Brandi arrived at her doorstep. It’s a miracle! Okay, we also saw Brandi (The Twit) and Kyle got into a nasty fight at Kyle’s fun game night for “her gays.” Lisa V has a storyline going about Max wanting to find out about his genetic heritage and I’m wincing as I’m watching it… I may have to “Go Oklahoma” on Lisa V’s ass about this subject – We shall see… But the worst part of the episode was that there was just not enough Lisa R or Eileen (That Tramp that I love) in it, dagnabit! It was a sad episode when it was all said and done… Sometimes reality shows are tough to watch when they’re sprinkled with glimpses of the harsh realities of unsober people wrestling with addiction and the sober and unsober people who enable them. Kyle tells Kim, “Fuck you.” No seriously, she did.
This episode picks up when Kyle tells Kim to “Fuck You.”… (Of course – Because who didn’t want to see that again?) And in her TH Kim says she doesn’t wanna cry… She doesn’t wanna cry… Well then, don’t! Finally, Kim, Brandi, and their +1 leave the party because it’s obvious they’re unwanted. As they’re waiting for their car, they go back through the events of the party and Kim doesn’t understand what she did that made Kyle so angry. Hey Kim – Perhaps Kyle was a lil pissy because you decided to bring her current enemy to her party and you didn’t even give her the courtesy of a head’s up… Or… Perhaps it’s because you don’t ever defend Kyle to Brandi when Brandi says Kyle is never there for you… Or perhaps you don’t even react when Brandi says vile things to Kyle… I mean…I guess I’m assuming you actually wanted to know some reasons why Kyle might be mad at you… But I guess we all know you really don’t care about anyone but yourself. You just want everything to be all about Kim Kim Kim!
Lisa V consoles a crying Kyle inside the party who is still shaking as she talks about how Brandi is mean and acts like the “fucking truth canon” but that she always gets her facts wrong. Lisa tells Kyle that she understands what she’s saying because that’s how she felt last year – Kyle immediately reacts and says that this is not about Lisa V… Lisa, to her credit realizes Kyle’s in a vulnerable place, agrees that it’s not about her but that she was just commiserating and empathizing with her… Lisa V hugs Kyle and tries to encourage her to find strength. Lisa hopes Kyle can get to a place where nothing Brandi says permeates her because she knows Brandi is just looking for a reaction. Kyle doesn’t understand what went wrong between her and Kim since they had a great conversation just one day before the party. I have one word for you, Kyle: Brandi.
Kyle thinks Kim is blinded to what Brandi is doing… She doesn’t understand why Kim can’t see Brandi for who she is? By the way, I just got word yesterday, that an acquaintance of mine is losing her eyesight probably within the month… It reminds me that even though sometimes my life is incredibly painful – That there are things that I can be thankful about – including eyesight. Anyway…
Lisa R wants to know why Brandi gets so angry… What happened? It’s really upsetting to see two sisters fight like that. Eileen explains that she has lost 2 of her sisters in the last 5 years – So she especially sensitive to the relationship between sisters.
They talk about Kim and Eileen knows it’s more than just pain medication. Lisa R flat out says that Kim is an addict and everyone around her is trying to protect her. Lisa R says that both of her husband’s brothers were addicts and she watched them die. Lisa R knows that just one pill or one drink can make an addict go right back to using. Lisa R emphatically says that Kim needs help because she took a pill and she didn’t know what it was. Addicts can’t do that. Actually, don’t we all know that Kim knows exactly what that medication is at this point? I mean, who puts a cancer-level pill in their mouth if they don’t know what it is? I guess an addict could do that but even if you didn’t know beforehand what it was – Wouldn’t that be your first question the very first chance you had to ask it? Kim just doesn’t want to admit to what she took even though in the bathroom at Poker Night she emphatically said to Kyle, “I have nothing to hide.” This makes me cranky because it just insults our collective intelligence.
Eileen astutely says, “Just because you’re sober doesn’t mean you’re not an addict anymore – You’re just a sober addict. So it applies to Kim.” Lisa R knows that whoever is around her or close to Kim is enabling her. Lisa R does NOT understand why people aren’t already fed up with Kim’s antics. She wonders why people aren’t calling Kim out on her crap. She thinks Kim’s got everybody scared and that no one wants to deal with it.
Heather McDonald (Chelsea Lately) visits Brandi to be part of her podcast. The first question Brandi has for her is, “Have you ever slept with Joe Francis?” In my head, I’m thinking – Hasn’t everyone slept with Joe Francis? Brandi’s Mom told Brandi to never worry about what people are saying about her because at least they’re talking about her – But that it’s when they stop talking that she should start worrying. My takeaway from this is: Brandi’s idiotic behavior is ALL her Mother’s fault! Lol… I’m sure Brandi’s Mom graduated from the school of, “There’s no such thing as bad press.” But my, how things have changed! Brandi… I implore you… Listen to me… Social media is not your friend! Step away from Twitter… Seriously… Last night at 5:41 she tweeted the following: “Omg everyone leave me the FUCK alone !!2 much! Give me a moment.” How about… laying your phone down, Brandi…Anyway… Brandi laughs really hard at her own jokes throughout the podcast probably to cover up the fact that no one else is laughing…Anywhere.
Eileen is in a movie that is being featured at the Burbank International Film Festival. She invites Kyle and the two Lisas to attend the event with her. They’re all in the same limo on the way to the event and of course, they talk about the Game Night incident. Kyle explains that she has always thought that Brandi is just an angry person. Kyle used to make excuses for Brandi because she knew she had been hurt. However, she realizes that a lot of people have had it a lot harder than Brandi. Lisa V thinks Brandi doesn’t like to see people happy and when she does she tries to stab them (or start rumors about them)… Kyle, in her TH says that she and Lisa V have talked about why Brandi is like this – Is it alcohol or something else? Kyle has come to the conclusion that Brandi’s just an asshole. Eileen says that the bottom line is that Brandi is getting something from acting the way she acts – that there’s some sort of a payoff for her – Otherwise, she wouldn’t do it. Lisa R says Brandi is acting like a 3-year-old (No offense to 3-year-olds). She’s convinced that Brandi wants any kind of attention – good or bad.
Brandi says she’s not wrong in this situation with Kyle – and she’s not getting an apology from her ever. Right… Because as a person who landed this job solely because your husband cheated on you – It’s such a nice thing to imply once again on national TV that Kyle’s husband is cheating on her – And to do it in such an low down, underhanded way is just such a scummy thing to do… (Remember last week at the Game Night when Kyle asked Brandi to leave and told her she wasn’t wanted, Brandi said, “Excuse me, neither are you – Ask your husband.”) So, so mean…
Okay, so the Burbank Film Festival is held at a mall – Actually, it looks like it’s in the foyer of a theater. Okay, so the red carpet is, according to Eileen, about the size of a bath mat. Okay, so the interviewer doesn’t know which soap operas Eileen has been involved… But the hilarious part is that Kyle and the Lisas go to the concession stand and ask the guy what he recommends – The chicken tenders or a hot dog… They’re asking as they’re stuffing their faces with popcorn. To be honest, I’m just happy they’re eating at all…lol. He suggests the chicken tenders because, “They’re fresh.” Okay, here’s a tip… If the guy who is cooking the food suggests getting the chicken tenders because they’re fresh… Ummm… I suggest you eat the chicken tenders, no? However, since the women are much better with handling things that come in the shape of hotdogs, they choose that instead. I think it’s hilarious they’re eating popcorn and hotdogs… I kind of love it…
Lisa R describes Eileen’s movie “Stranger at the Pentagon” as “outer spacey kind of hard to explain” while Kyle and Lisa R just look into the camera with wide eyes like they’ve just seen an alien. Well, I guess maybe they have…lol… But they’re really trying not to laugh at the budget movie. Lisa V just falls apart laughing in her TH… I hope this segment doesn’t hurt Eileen’s feelings… I don’t think it was supposed to be a comedy… Kyle just can’t get over Eileen having to wear a unitard on screen… They all assure Eileen that she looked gorgeous for this event. I’m sure that will make everything better…lol.
Brandi goes over to YoYo’s house for a yoga session. YoYo thinks Brandi needs a lifestyle change and that popping a Xanax is not a way to deal with things. Brandi says she tried yoga before with her ex-husband but they still got a divorce. While in the position of “praying hands” Brandi prays aloud that she prays that Kyle moves to Colorado… However, then she thought better of it because Colorado sounded too close. Instead she chooses West Africa – Where Ebola started. YoYo is surprised that Brandi is thinking about that at this point of time. Yep… Not a mean bone in Brandi’s body.
After their yoga session and saying “Namaste”… (Btw… Again, great job on the blogs this week, Namaste)… YoYo tells Brandi (The Twit) how it’s difficult for her to listen to the others describe Brandi’s actions as aggressive and angry drunk. Brandi calmly asks who’s saying this but YoYo doesn’t throw anyone under the bus.
In tonight’s 1st edition of “I Kid You Not,” as YoYo is telling Brandi that people are saying that she’s an angry drunk and that she is drinking too much, I KID YOU NOT – Brandi says,“It’s getting to the point where I want to drink more to tell them, ‘When you tell me not to do something – I do it.’ And that’s been me my whole life because I do not like to be bossed around.”… Spoken like the true 3rd grader she is…(No offense to 3rd graders)… That Brandi is such a quality role model for her kids, no?
Brandi says that she was sober when she had the altercation with Kyle at the Game Night – but that Kyle was the one who was drunk. YoYo tells Brandi she doesn’t want people going around saying she’s an alcoholic… Brandi says that’s she’s not an alcoholic – but that if she was, that she would get help because, “There’s no shame in my game.” I’m sure you can feel free to quote her on that one. YoYo tells her that she would want to be there to help her… Brandi starts listing off all the things she does on a day-to-day basis as evidence that she can’t possibly be an alcoholic. Right, like there’s no such thing as a “functional alcoholic.” YoYo tries to explain that she could also not go out and drink “that little bit too much when you start behaving like an asshole.” YoYo tells her that she’s raising daughters and that she can’t be a hypocrite and support that kind of behavior.
In tonight’s 2nd edition of “I Kid You Not,” as YoYo is telling Brandi that she is raising daughters and can’t support Brandi’s outlandish behavior when she’s drunk, I KID YOU NOT– Brandi says, “You’re saying am I an alcoholic – and you’ve heard that about your daughter – And she’s not…” YoYo wants to know who has been saying that about her daughter – and Brandi shrugs and says that’s what people have been saying – but that she knows she’s not…
YoYo calls out Brandi for personally attacking her and her 17-year-old daughter when she’s trying to talk to Brandi about Brandi’s own problem. In her TH, YoYo says, “Seriously, Brandi – You want to stab me below the belt? The one person who is trying to back you?” Brandi thinks she was just trying to make a comparison… YoYo tries to tell her she’s not her Mother and that she can behave how she wants. Brandi nods and says, “exactly.” YoYo is worried that the type of energy Brandi puts out is going to come back on her and possibly on her children. At the end of the day, it’s all about the children. Brandi says, “I do everything and everything I do is for my children.” YoYo says she knows that. Brandi says, “I just don’t care what anyone else thinks. So just stop talking about it – And stop talking about me. Like just get a new subject.”
Wait a minute… Earlier, Brandi indicated she didn’t care what people said about her – That at least they’re talking about her. Now she says she wants people to stop talking about her. Gosh, Brandi – I would LOVE that, too… I think the best way for that to happen is for Bravo to fire her drunken dupa because she has singlehandedly ruined a show that I once loved so much.
Pandora had the idea of bottling the Vanderpump sangria they’ve been making for decades and selling it at stores (http://lvpsangria.com/). Pandora and Lisa V are setting up a sangria display in a store. Pandy has been traveling so Lisa fills her in on Max’s quest to find out about his genetic heritage. Pandy’s initial responses were, “Why now? What’s he trying to find out? He’s never worried about it before? He’s always just been a part of our family.” Pandy asks Lisa if she wants another family coming into the picture… Lisa responds, “I don’t think they will – So don’t even say that.” Pandy starts to cry… Lisa is a little teary, too. Pandy says things like, “He’s ours…” Lisa V says she doesn’t know if this is just the 1st step in finding his biological family or if indeed he only wants to find out about his genetic heritage. She admits that it may all just be her own fears. Lisa tells Pandy that she wants her to be supportive of whatever Max wants… I’m going to stay relatively silent on this subject this week. We’ll see how it progresses…
Max arrives at his Mom’s house seemingly unannounced (although they are filming…lol). Lisa said that she smells alcohol on Max. He explains that he was out all night. There’s some back and forth exchange between them – And most parents will probably cringe at this… When Lisa tries to come down on Max for being out at all hours of the night – Max tosses back at Lisa that she used to party when she was his age, too…lol… Do as I say, not as I do… right?
But on to the business at hand… Max got the DNA results but he didn’t look at them until he was with Lisa. He expresses that he feels kind of weird. Lisa had filled in the last name of Max’s biological parents when she was assured he wasn’t looking – but now, the results probably contain that name so he will see it for the first time. He is Scandinavian and Irish. He can’t believe it. Lisa says in her TH that if Max wants to do something – like if he actually wanted to find his biological family, that her feelings aren’t important. Lisa point blank asks Max how he would feel if he met his birth mother. Max says that he wouldn’t want to meet her is how he feels. He explains that she gave him up for whatever reason and that’s that… Max says, “And look where I am now… It’s probably better… Obviously! Were you worried about it?”
Lisa is honest and tells him that of course she is – That it’s something she’s been worried about it since the day she picked him up… Lisa feels that Max can ask her whatever he wants and find whoever he wants because he will always think of Lisa as his Mother… So it doesn’t matter. . Well Lisa, wasn’t it just last episode when Max asked you for the last name of his biological parents and you wouldn’t give it to him… So get down off your perfectly pink pedestal. Max goes to get himself some more water to drink and asks if Lisa wants something. Lisa beams and asks him to make her a cup of tea. She gets this proud motherly look in her eye…I gotta say, I love it when a kid serves their Mom when they’re not even prodded to do so. Okay Lisa, you can get back up on your perfectly pink pedestal.
Eileen is feeling especially empathetic towards Kim and Kyle at the moment because she knows what it’s like to have fights with your sisters. She asks Kim and Kyle to go to lunch to try to mend fences and build bridges. Eileen thinks that maybe her perspective can make a difference. Kyle arrives and sits down with Eileen and says she’s nervous. Kim arrives and everyone plays nice for the first minute or two. Kim and Kyle exchange pleasantries and say they love each other. Eileen explains to them that she has 4 sisters. One of them died 5 years ago and another died just 4 months ago – Wow. Evidently, her sister Connie died from complications from breast cancer even though she had decided to try a homeopathic route for treatment. Her oldest sister, Mary, died from a heart attack. Eileen says that if she’s learned anything from the two deaths it’s that life is too fricken short (she did say fricken…lol). Life is indeed short – No matter how long it is. Even as I sit here and attempt to write this recap… I have the phone nearby because Mr. Stars99’s beloved Nana is on her deathbed in faraway Michigan. While she has enjoyed 92 years of life – It just never seems quite long enough, does it? You always wish you had seen them that one last time… Or that you had recorded that really great last conversation. We’ve got to love them while we have them… Seriously…
Eileen mentions about how Brandi said while standing in Eileen’s driveway at Poker Night that Kyle has never been there for Kim. Kim immediately says, “Oh, I don’t think Brandi realizes all the times she HAS been there for me.” Kyle wishes that Kim had explained that to Brandi that evening. Kim continues to say that as good of a sister that Kyle has been to her – That there have been moments when Kyle has hurt her. Kim lashes out at Kyle for wanting to bring up the very personal contents of the late night conversations Kim has been having with Brandi. Kyle says that Brandi is the one who brought it up but Kim disagrees. Kyle tells Kim that Brandi brings it up with everybody – and that’s what she was trying to tell Kim. Kyle said in her TH, “I’m concerned that Kim has said too much personal information with Brandi – and Brandi will turn her back on her and stab her in the back. I know this and unfortunately, Kim is going to have to learn on her own.”
Kyle doesn’t understand why Kim is convinced that Kyle is out to hurt her when all Kyle has ever done is try to protect her… ever… ever… In Kim’s TH she says she doesn’t think Kyle understands what good intentions are anymore – that she’s a little mixed up… Kyle doesn’t understand how Kim just sits there while Brandi says all kinds of mean things to Kyle without saying a word. Kyle exclaims, “You don’t think I’m upset about that?” Kyle mentions Brandi’s comment that nobody wants to be with Kyle including her husband… Kim says she didn’t hear that… Kyle says, “It’s so easy for you to say, ‘Oh, I didn’t hear that…’ Fuck that.” Kim says, “You always put me in the middle of every situation.”
Eileen was hoping that this get together would come out well but she fears that she just opened up Pandora’s Box again. Kyle doesn’t understand why Kim wants to paint Kyle like she’s someone who wants to hurt Kim… Kim said she’s telling Kyle how she feels. Eileen tries to play mediator and translates to Kyle that the fact that Kyle brought it up at all is making Kim feel extra vulnerable. Eileen tells Kim that she understands that Kim feels she needs Brandi as a friend but that it seems like Brandi is adding a lot of fuel to the fire, though… Kim, in her TH wishes that Eileen would just stay out of it – Because she doesn’t like people to talk about people Kim loves. Yes, but evidently it’s perfectly fine to talk bad about your sister, Kyle? Wow… Kim sits quietly at the table dazing off into the distance. Kyle is looking a different direction. Kyle wonders how many more times, even as sisters they can they do this?
Lisa R meets with Brandi – I think it’s because she wants to keep her friends close and her enemies closer…lol… Lisa wants to be brutally honest with Brandi. She tells her that she’s been with “the girls” and that there have been lots of conversations about how mean they think Brandi has been acting. Lisa says she’s trying to understand that if Brandi is mean… Why is she mean? Is it because she’s in pain?
Brandi doesn’t think she’s mean… She explains that she’s temperamental and that she’s kind of a mama bear and wants to protect people. She acknowledges that if she gets hit she will go lower. Brandi confides with Lisa R (on national TV) that Kim doesn’t have many friends. Kim has told Brandi that she’s her best friend. Brandi thinks this puts a lot of pressure on her shoulders. She explains that she is not going to change who she is just to be a friend of Kim’s.
The conversation shifts to talk about medications that Kim may be on. Brandi says that Kim is on a patch for her hernia. Brandi says she’s not going to call Kim a liar. Lisa asks if Kyle realizes her sister is in this kind of trouble… Brandi says incredulously, “Does anyone not?” Lisa thinks this is a really serious situation… It looks serious… It sounds serious… It smells serious… It’s a really big deal to Lisa. Brandi says that she can’t say anything because Kim feels safe with her. The whole concept that they’re dancing around can’t exist for Brandi… Lisa clarifies that when Brandi’s with Kim that they basically live this lie and they don’t really deal with it… Brandi confirms, “Pretty much.” Lisa says that people think they’re protecting Kim but they’re not – That something dramatic is going to happen… Then she corrects herself…Well, something DID happen. Brandi ominously confirms, “More than you know.”
Brandi says of Kim, “If anyone were to say, ‘We’re wondering about your sobriety’ – She would die.” OMG Brandi… If this is true… You’re saying this on national TV for what? A storyline? You’re throwing your friend under the bus for a storyline… Congratulations to you!
Lisa expresses in her TH that she doesn’t understand why everyone is so secretive about it – Why is it so hush hush? Why is everyone walking on eggshells? It’s easy to see that Lisa has never lived life with an alcoholic – because sadly, that’s what it’s like in so many families of alcoholics. Lisa says of the whole walking on eggshells thing, “I’m sorry, that’s fucking bullshit.” Rut roh… I’m thinking that some shells are going to be broken in the not-so-distant future…lol. Time for some scrambled eggs! Woo hoo!
Lisa remains concerned and Brandi agrees that they’re all pretending that it’s not happening. Right. It’s called, “The elephant in the room.”
Other Things we learned from this episode…
~~ Eileen cleaned the bathrooms at the studio where she took acting classes so she could pay for them.
~~ There was a funny advertisement that featured Kyle, Lisa V and Jax (Vanderpump Rules) for the movie, “50 Shades of Grey.” They agree that it’s a great girl’s night out excursion… Kyle and Lisa seem to have read the book… I find that humorous for some reason. The fact that Jax is also part of the ad puts it over the edge to me. Every time I see him I’m compelled to shower in antibacterial gel because he’s just so smarmy.
~~ Lisa R expresses that it’s a fulltime job for her to try to keep her teenaged daughters from drugs, sex, and becoming snotty little assholes. She also talks to her dog. I love it!
Delusional Thought of the Episode…
Brandi says, “My heart and my head don’t usually agree. My head says I need to talk to Kim and see if she needs to get help… My heart says that she says she’s sober – So I know when you say you’re sober – You’re sober – Until you don’t… Until you admit that you’re not.” While I understand that admitting you have a problem is the first step in recovery – I do think that people can help others recognize they actually do have a problem. Ignoring or pretending it doesn’t exist does not make it go away. The real truth is that an addict is not sober if they are drinking or taking pills – Whether they “say” or “feel” they’re sober or not.
Quotes of the episode…
“I’m kind of getting the message that I’ve crossed over the line and I’m going to be Brandi’s next target – So I’m just praying that I’m not… I’m not quite ready for my body bag… But if I do get a body bag, I want it to be Louis Vuitton with like a diamond zipper.” Lisa R thinks she might be Brandi’s target because she’s been pretty vocal about her opinion of Brandi and Kim.
“I just cannot sit back and watch the bullshit train go by.” Lisa R talks in her TH about the Kim’s sobriety situation.
There is a surprise party for Lisa V… Kyle and Kim play with hand puppets and it looks like things go awry… Brandi expresses to her friend Jennifer (recovering alcoholic) that just recently she started feeling weird about having a glass of wine in front of Kim… Lisa R tries to talk to Lisa V about an intervention of some sort… and Kim seems to be balking at the notion she has a problem… It should be interesting!
Well, that’s it for this episode… I love how Eileen (That Tramp that I love) and Lisa R both try to help out the wonky situations their castmates are in… Obviously, they’re newbies… They will quickly learn, won’t they? Thanks so much for reading… Have a most excellent week! Happy Trails!