Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Surprise!” – S5E14
Remember last week…
We saw the aftermath of Kyle’s GameNightGate 2015™©® which was really just an aftermath of PokerGate 2015™©®. I suppose I could go on and on… But don’t we all know what the real story is here? Kim, who is an addict, is pretending to be sober but she’s not – She needs a storyline this season since she no longer has her dog (Kingsley is now living elsewhere) and her laundry is all folded (Last season those were Kim’s highlights… No, really…lol). Brandi is pretending to give a damn about Kim because she also needs a storyline and she doesn’t wear enough clothes to be able to shoot a scene about folding laundry. I think we’re going to see a whole new set of problems surface at the Reunion since Kim has probably spilled a whole lot of drunken tea on the inner workings of her family to her new bestie Brandi. They both seem to not like Kyle very much. In a weird, twisted way Brandi seems like a controlling friend who is actively separating a weak gazelle (Kim) from the rest of the herd under the guise of “protecting” her. I think Brandi is a wolf in cheap clothing.
Brandi is very willing and capable to use very personal and intimate information about anyone in a very public way because spilling it secures her place on the show – No matter the relationship or the damage that it causes. Brandi (The Twit) did it just last week when Yolanda (YoYo) tried to have an adult conversation with Brandi about drinking too much and Brandi retaliated by telling YoYo that people were calling YoYo’s daughter an “alcoholic.”
We also unfortunately learned that Eileen (That Tramp I Now Love) has lost 2 of her 4 sisters in the last 5 years. Eileen knows the significance of the relationship between sisters and felt naively compelled to host a “sister summit” where absolutely nothing was accomplished between Kim and Kyle except a lot of pointing and blaming. Lisa R had a friendship summit with Brandi regarding her perspective on Kim’s addiction issues. Eileen and Lisa R are not being fooled by anyone this season and are rational, articulate and hilarious. I really love it – Let’s see what tonight’s episode holds in store for us, shall we?
We start out with Brandi visiting Yolanda at her home. Brandi agreed to be on a “21 Day Cleanse” which prevents her from drinking alcohol or eating sugar but evidently she can take all the Xanax she wants, no problem. I think Brandi’s got this whole Xanax thing wrong – I think the rest of us should be allowed to take one whenever we’re subjected to Brandi’s freakin’ antics, no? Yolanda and Brandi take another yoga lesson from her personal instructor like in last week’s episode. Yolanda asks the guy if he can do the “Crow” position. He effortlessly demonstrates it and Brandi boasts she can easily do it, too. It takes about 2 seconds for Brandi to fall on her face. She blames her age. Somewhere off in the distance a crow caws, “Nevermore.” (I know, I know – It was a raven… but close enough, no? (Gratuitous Edgar Allen Poe reference…)
Kyle visits Lisa V to talk with her about her issues with Kim and Brandi. Lisa’s advice to Kyle is to separate her differences with Brandi from her differences with Kim. She also advises Kyle to be cordial. Kyle is not convinced that Lisa V would have given her this same advice 6 months ago. I dunno – Sounds like pretty smart advice, if you ask me… but I guess nobody did…lol….
Eileen (That Trump I Now Love) and Vince (My Boyfriend) are having an amazing dinner at Kristy’s in Malibu (http://kristysmalibu.com). Eileen starts to clue in Vince about the situation between Kyle, Kim and Brandi. Eileen cannot understand why no one wants to go to therapy – She loves therapy! They start talking about the upcoming screenplay read-through of one of Vince’s scripts. Eileen wants to know about Vince’s plan for the reading and tells him there will be no alcohol since it’s scheduled for 1:00 PM in the afternoon. Vince disagrees and says the alcohol will loosen the women up to feel more comfortable to do the reading. Eileen says that this group of women mostly just wants to talk about their vaginas. Vince is still not convinced about the no alcohol portion of the program and actually says with a completely straight face, “What can they do wrong?” Give that man an academy award! He must have selective memory of PokerGate 2015™©®. Well, at least Brandi won’t be there, so there’s that… lol.
Lisa R visits Lisa V so they can drive to the table read together. They inevitably talk about Kim and Kyle and their relationship. Lisa V says she worries about Kim and she knows she needs to have a relationship with her sister. Lisa R agrees and says, “It’s not necessarily our place to… You know… Stage an intervention…” Lisa V immediately responds that they don’t even know what’s going on with Kim. Lisa R wonders, “Why is everyone scared of Kim Richards?”… Lisa V cautions that Lisa R is playing with fire if Lisa R wants to question Kim’s sobriety… Lisa V learned from her experience in Paris to stay out of it that particular subject.
Brandi meets Jennifer (Bravo identifies Jennifer as Brandi’s Friend/Addiction Specialist). Jennifer just had a breakup and wants to spend a few nights at Brandi’s house. Brandi gets a call from Ken who says that he’s throwing a surprise party for Lisa V and he’s calling to invite Brandi because Lisa V would not want him to leave anyone out. However, he clearly sets boundaries when he says, “I want you to be on your best behavior.” Ken doesn’t want anything or anyone to spoil Lisa’s birthday. After hanging up, Brandi said, “Kind of fucked up.” You’re right, Brandi… It IS downright embarrassing and pretty sad that someone has to tell a 42-year-old adult to be on their best behavior. You can act like such a twit.
Brandi tells Jennifer that Kim admitted to taking a pill prescribed to her ex-husband (who is dying of cancer). Jennifer clearly lets Brandi know that’s called, “Relapsing.” Brandi talks about all of the sudden feeling weird about drinking in front of Kim. Jennifer tells her that it took her 5 years in her sobriety to be able to be around people in those kinds of circles. Jennifer asks if Kim goes to meetings… Does she have a sponsor? Does she go to therapy? Jennifer wonders if Brandi is equipped to help Kim at this point and asks Brandi bluntly if she has the tools to save Kim or help her? Jennifer quickly clarifies says that no one can save Kim but Kim… But that people can help her…Brandi says that Kim doesn’t have the tools at this point. Jennifer asks if Kyle gone off on Kim recently? Brandi doesn’t think Kyle knows what’s going on… She said that Kyle just thinks that it’s Kim’s history just repeating itself… but it’s much more than just that…
Kim gets in the car with Kyle. They have not spoken to each other since Eileen’s “Sister Summit” failure. They both decide to be superficially nice to each other. Kim says that she wanted to tear Eileen’s head off at last week’s lunch… Wait… What? Kim says it’s not appropriate to go into somebody’s life like that. Oh Kim, give me a break… You’re on a reality TV show… You fell off the wagon in front of our eyes… You’re acting wonky – We would positively scream if your behavior was just ignored. Kyle tells Kim that she talked to Lisa V about the whole situation. She said that Lisa V had asked her she would let anything that Brandi says impact her. Kim sits there again and says that Brandi doesn’t realize how much Kim and Kyle have been there for each other… And why is that, Kim? It’s because YOU DON’T EVER TELL HER. Is this as frustrating to you as it is to me?
As she’s waiting for people to arrive, Eileen concludes that someone is probably going to get hit over the head with a script before the day is over. There may be some hope though, since Brandi’s not there. As they’re waiting around for everyone to get there, Vince makes small talk with Kim. He asks her to name some of the most famous actors with whom she’s worked. Kim says, “Bette Davis (Among others, she was in, “All About Eve,” “Death on the Nile,” and “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?”… I know her for her famous quote, “”Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night.” And the songs, “Bette Davis Eyes” by Kim Carnes and “Vogue” by Madonna) and Darren McGavin (I know him as the grumpy dad in, “A Christmas Story”),
Kim tells us the story that as a child, she asked Bette Davis if she wore a wig. She described that she hid in Bette’s sofa bed until she got back from filming for the day (They were in, “Return from Witch Mountain” together). Kim caught Bette taking off her wig – but she won’t tell anyone to this day the color of her real hair.
As everyone sits down and parts for the reading are assigned, Vince (My boyfriend) asks Lisa R if she wouldn’t mind being the voice of the announcer throughout the entire reading and she quickly says that of course she’d be happy to do it. However, in her talking head, (TH) Lisa R laughingly says, “What a waste of my talent – [dejected sigh] It’s alright… Let the girls who haven’t worked as much as I have play the parts” She completely cracks up at herself… lol… Lisa V wants to switch parts with Lisa R. During their limo ride home, Kim and Kyle have an extended conversation about how the parts were assigned (http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-beverly-hills/season-5/episode-514/videos?clip=2847844). Evidently; Kim didn’t like being a worm. It might have been type casting… Just sayin’… lol…
Lisa V wants to see Eileen’s Emmy. Eileen hands it to her like she had just won it, and Lisa V says, “I slept my way to the top I make no bones about it… I could show all these bimbos a trick or two – I wouldn’t have an Emmy – I’d have an Oscar.”
The reading seemed to go well and it looked like it was fun but the script was a little wacky to be able to make sense out of the 30 seconds we heard of it…lol. But at one point, Kim put on a sock puppet…lol… After the reading, everyone’s standing around in the kitchen talking about the person who isn’t there (Brandi). Lisa R says that she had lunch with Brandi and that it was fun. Eileen says that it’s fine with Brandi until it’s not. Lisa R wonders about where Brandi’s attitude comes from…
Kim says it’s a difficult thing for her because Kyle is her sister and Brandi is her friend. Lisa R empathetically asks Kim what it’s like for her. Kim confirms that it puts her in a very bad situation. Kim explains that she’s going through a lot at the moment. Monty is not well – And that watching him not be well is very hard. She loves that she can go over to Brandi’s to escape for an hour or so. Kim was admonished not to let Brandi come in between her and Kyle. Kim tells everyone that Brandi doesn’t know her and Kyle’s history and how much they’ve been through together. Kim discloses that she often isolates when she drinks. Everyone seems to understand that and some even acknowledge doing the same thing. Kim gets nervous when she finds herself isolating from everyone for that very reason.
Lisa R, in her TH says, “The rift between Kyle and Brandi is because of Kim. Why do you want people to fight over you? Because maybe they’re too busy to take a look at what’s really going on with you.” The Lisas are talking with Kim, and Lisa V tells Kim that maybe it would be a good idea if she had someone she could talk to every day to help her keep strong. Please take note that at this point, we do NOT see Kim say anything like she DOES have someone that she talks to or that she in fact is going to meetings, etc. Her blog this week presents her somewhat differently.
Kim response to Lisa V is kind of like – She’s been there – Done that – Got the T-shirt – Sold it on eBay. Lisa V reminds Kim that she has a lot of pressure in her life right now and could really use the help. But Kim, in her TH says that she doesn’t understand why people get involved in things that aren’t their business… She thinks everyone should, “Just mind their own beeswax.” Lisa R encourages Kim that if she’s comfortable that maybe she could go to a meeting…or a group… or do something so that she’s not alone. With a weird ass smile plastered on her face, and in a singsong voice Kim mockingly responds, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?” Lisa R tells us that Kim doesn’t take any responsibility for her actions and in her TH says, “This is going on and no one is saying, ‘Own your shit.’”
Oh yay… It’s time for Lisa’s surprise birthday party at Pump! Lisa thinks she’s going out to dinner at a nice restaurant alone with Ken. She has no knowledge of this party at all. Lisa and Ken are in a limo on the way to the party when Ken receives “a text” from Pump that requires his immediate, physical presence so he decides they’ll just stop on the way to the restaurant. Lisa wants Ken to forego the stop because it’s her birthday. Ken actually calls the driver, “Driver” and asks him to stop at Pump. Lisa reminds Ken that the driver’s name is “James” and she directs “James” not to stop. They go back and forth with this a couple of times. I can’t help but laugh that they actually have a driver with the perfect name for a chauffeur, “James.” As in, “Home, James!”
Eileen (That Tramp I Now Love) and Vince (My Boyfriend) seem to arrive at the party first and decide to go to the bar. Lisa R joins them and the two new girls are wearing fabulous pink in honor of Lisa. They discuss their conversation with Kim that occurred after the screenplay reading. Lisa R didn’t understand why Eileen seemed to back out of the conversation. Eileen seems to think Kim’s actions aren’t matching up with what she’s saying. They talk about how Kim was sad about Monty and how she had expressed she was concerned that she was going to start isolating herself and going back into old behavior patterns. Eileen thinks that Kim should understand that she needs to talk to someone so that she can get back on track. Eileen asks Lisa if Brandi knows anything since Kim and Brandi are such good friends. Lisa says that Brandi is concerned.
Of the fight between Kim, Kyle and Brandi, Eileen says, “It seems like if you care about your relationship with your sister then you need to tell your friend to shut up.” She says further, “Part of the reason for this fighting is that Brandi made horrible accusations about Kyle and Kim never said it wasn’t true. Ever…”
Kathy Hilton is in a limo with Kim and Brandi on the way to Lisa’s party. Brandi and Kim are cluing in Kathy about Eileen. Brandi tells her that she’s reserved and that that Eileen just sits back and observes everyone and then judges them. Kim says that Eileen and Lisa R have their favorites and that neither Brandi nor Kim is one of them. Brandi admits, “I did throw wine in her face on accident.” Kathy’s getting nervous about all this drama and wonders if she should admit knowing either one of them.
While everyone is waiting for the Royal Vanderpump arrival, they’re hanging out and talking. Yolanda takes Kim to the side and tells her that she there’s been a lot of talk about her but she’s not listening to anything unless it comes from Kim. She tells her she’s not there to judge her but to just be there for her. Kim seems to really appreciate this type of approach. Of course she does – Kim doesn’t want to be confronted about anything – and wants to be supported in her behavior.
Lisa and Ken walk into the party and everyone yells, “SURPRISE!” Lisa is absolutely shocked. She gushes, “I did not have a clue… Not a bloody clue.” Lisa talks about how lovely it is to be surrounded by people who have been supportive, kind and sweet, oh, and also Brandi…lol. Once everyone is seated for dinner, Mohammed makes a toast to Lisa. Again, we see Brandi drinking something right in the middle of the toast. Now, to be fair – I don’t know if it’s just editing or if Brandi truly is that clueless in life.
Brandi tells us in her TH that she thinks that Lisa and Mohammed’s relationship is creepy. Brandi leaves after the toast(s) but before Lisa has a chance to give a little speech. Lisa gets up to make her speech and immediately notices that Brandi is gone – and says, “First off… Where’s Brandi? She’s not at the table so I can talk about her…(laugh laugh) She’s such a bitch and I cannot believe she had the nerve to show up… I’m joking… Yolanda, I’m joking.” Yolanda says, “I know.” But Kim sits there with darts in her eyes for Lisa.
As an aside, Brandi and Yolanda seem to be wearing the exact same very distinctive dress but in a different color. You decide who wore it better in this week’s segment, “Bitch Stole My Look.” Lololol…
Meanwhile, Kyle asks Ken why he invited Brandi and wants to know if he’s forgiven her for everything she did to them. Ken confirms that it’s not that he’s forgiven her but that he hates to leave anyone out. Kyle thinks that if she is going to have a party where you invite people because it’s the politically correct thing to do – You’re going to end up spending a lot of time at a party with people you don’t want to be around.
At one point during the party, Brandi is suddenly wearing a huge pink flower behind her ear that she obviously swiped from table decoration thingie hanging over the table right in front of her. Evidently, Brandi didn’t learn her lesson from her olive branch incident earlier this season. Lisa V walks over to Brandi, takes the flower out from behind Brandi’s ear and returns it to the decorative hangie down thingie while saying, “That belongs to me.” The flower must have had thorns because Brandi said that it hurt but that she’s giving Lisa a pass since it’s her birthday. I think Lisa is tired of Brandi dismantling her restaurant decorations.
In tonight’s 1st edition of “I Kid You Not,” Brandi (The Twit) talks in her TH about Lisa returning the flower to its rightful place among the decorations and the pain from the thorns that it caused her when she did so, I KID YOU NOT – “Yes, it was a jab, but listen, if I was turning 73 I would be a little jabby, too.” Whoa… That’s so incredibly mean and underhanded and hitting way below the belt where she knows that Lisa is most vulnerable.
However, to be fair, while Lisa had no idea that Brandi had made that kind of statement about her since the coward said it in her TH, Lisa V knows exactly where Brandi is most vulnerable, too. Lisa knows that Brandi hates to sing and that she can’t sing. Lisa tells Brandi that if Brandi wants to make up with her, she should get up and sing for her. Lisa V asks Brandi if she knows the words to, “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word.” Brandi decides to take Lisa V up on her dare and gets up and takes the microphone screeches out a made up song. All dogs within a 30 mile radius began to inexplicably howl. I got images of “My Best Friend’s Wedding” when Cameron Diaz sang that horrible karaoke song but was a great sport about it.
Lisa V takes the microphone and calls Kim up and they sing a little song, too… Then it’s Lisa R… and then Kyle gets sandwiched between two Lisas. Everyone seems to be having the best time ever. Well, except Brandi, who has returned to her seat at the table and is whining about it.
In tonight’s 2nd edition of “I Kid You Not,” Brandi (The Twit) refers to all of the women who are karaoke singing, I KID YOU NOT – “The Menopause Mamas were fighting over the mic and I wasn’t about to jump in that fight cuz momma still gets the flow if you know what that means… ” Yes Brandi… The entire WORLD knows you still have your flow and we’ve seen your recent picture with a tampon string hanging down that proves it. Congratulations to you.
Eileen sits down with Kyle to talk about Kim. She tells Kyle that she doesn’t want her to feel weird and that she knows she’s very protective of her sister. But she tells her that whatever the “Program is” that Kim is supposed to be doing – that she is not doing it. Eileen tells Kyle about the conversation she had with Lisa R about Kim. She asks questions that Kyle is either not able to answer or won’t answer regarding if Kim has a sponsor… or if she has someone that she’s talking to regularly about her sobriety… Eileen says that she agrees with Lisa R that they have a moral obligation to say something to Kim because they have now seen this behavior firsthand.. Kyle doesn’t think it’s going to go well. Being around and seeing the behavior and yet not doing anything about it feels irresponsible to Eileen. Whoa.. We’ll see what happens, won’t we?
Another Thing we learned from this episode…
~~ Lisa R’s daughter Delilah had only been driving for 2 months when this segment was filmed. Lisa R was panicked beyond belief as she got into the car with her. Lisa is nervous because she doesn’t want to physically scare Delilah by her own reactions when Delilah’s driving scares the heck out of her. It was a fun, short scene – but clear the roads… Seriously. In fairness to Delilah, that street she was driving on was holy cow busy.
Lisa R attends David Foster’s charity event… Yolanda organizes a fun race type of party… The girls go to Amsterdam… And Kim lashes out at Kyle because evidently she’s late to get onto a bus… I kinda wonder who’s under the bus…
Well, that’s it for this episode… Thanks so much for reading… Have a most excellent week! Happy Trails!
“Ring on a String” – by HydrangeaHussy
Before we get to the episode, my favorite RHoBH was a monarch in one of my favorite Mardi Gras parades on Monday! Lisa V, along with the NCIS cast, were monarchs of the Krewe of Orpheus this year. Bit of history: Orpheus was formed in 1994 by a group that includes Harry Connick, Jr. The monarchs are traditionally celebrities. Anyway, a friend who attended sent some pics of Lisa V & Ken on her float. I love that, although Giggy didn’t ride, he was represented by a photo! It was raining, so their costumes are covered by ponchos.
Now on to the episode! It’s hard to believe that we’re on Episode 16! Last season was only regular 14 episodes, then the reunion and secrets revealed. We begin this week with Scheana and Shay taking post-wedding pictures. Kristen tears up with happiness for Scheana, but we know that won’t last. Kristen will find a way to ruin Scheana’s big day. Everyone moves on to the cocktail hour and we see James getting double shots of tequila. A friend teases him that he’ll be next, but James isn’t so sure. He’s still upset that Kristen doesn’t always reciprocate his love. Of course she doesn’t! She’s still obsessed with Tom! James wants her to focus on him, not Tom. Kristen stops to say hello to Lisa – very awkward. Lisa asks what Kristen is up to. Kristen tells her that she’s loving her freedom and should have quit a long time ago. The two have finally agreed on something! Kristen still believes that she got fired because Lisa doesn’t like her. No, she got fired because of her attitude. Maybe she’ll realize that when she gets fired from her next job? Lisa tries to give Kristen some advice – don’t orchestrate and cause drama, but Kristen doesn’t want to listen. She keeps saying that her personal life isn’t Lisa’s business, but she made it Lisa’s business when she caused a disruption at Sur. Kristen tells us that she isn’t going to cause trouble at the wedding, even though everyone thinks she will.
Stassi makes a reappearance this week. She and Kristina are having drinks together because they weren’t invited to the wedding. Stassi can’t help but stalk Scheana on Twitter, or Instagram, or something, so that she can make fun of Scheana’s dress and Lisa. I wonder if they realize how petty and jealous they sound. They sound like the high school girls that didn’t get invited to the prom.
At the wedding, it’s on to dinner. Scheana’s reception is just as beuatiful as her wedding. Katie is thinking about her own wedding and hopes that it will be as beautiful. Other Tom thought that he would feel bad for Shay during the wedding, but says that he can now see himself getting married. Scheana is managing the entrances, which seems like something her wedding coordinator should be handling. Jax says that he isn’t pursuing Carmen but he isn’t not not pursuing her either. Whatever. Vail happens to be sitting with them and Carmen seems a little upset when Jax speaks to her. The wedding party is announced, but the DJ has messed up the song so they will not walk out at the right part of the song. Scheana freaks out because she had a dance ready and now it’s ruined. Poor Shay, he looks like he’s just ready to get a drink. They finally get in touch with the DJ, who cuts the music. Scheana’s whole reception is now ruined, lol. Once again, everyone is left waiting for Scheana and Shay to appear. They finally appear and it’s like they are rockstars. There are are cameras flashing and everyone is cheering.
Their first dance is sweet! Shay tears up a little. Jax is really turned on the “charm” for Carmen, trying to convice her to kiss him. He tells Carmen that they will slow dance later. She asks if he means that, and Jax says, “Who else am I going to dance with, Vail?” At least he realizes it was a stupid thing to say? Carmen is not pleased. He apologizes and continues trying to kiss her, even though she’s pulling away. You shouldn’t have to physically hold a girl’s head to get her to kiss you. It was incredibly uncomfortable to watch. We later see how off his game Jax is. Or maybe it’s just that bottle of vodka he was chugging? Then it’s time to start the real dancing. Scheana tells us that she made sure to leave room in her dress for twerking.
Tom is happy to be part of the wedding party, because he’s away from Kristen. James has decided to deal with his issues by drinking heavily. This isn’t going to end well. James also tells us that he’s at his best-mate’s wedding, but if Shay was your best-mate, wouldn’t you be in the wedding? Jax, Carmen, and Kristen leave the table, but James doesn’t go with them. Kristen says that James skips the happy drunk phase and goes straight to belligerent. She’s not the happiest person either, even when she isn’t drinking. She should be a little more understanding since James puts up with her BS all day every day. Sheana makes a toast and asks everyone to please keep their drinks off the dance floor. She doesn’t want anyone to slip and fall. Vail and Peter get very flirty, but Vail tells us that it isn’t going anywhere for him. On the way back to the table, James tells Carmen that Kristen is being difficult and that she’s only heard Kristen’s side of the story. Thankfully, Carmen tries to difuse the situation. Kristen continues trying to get James to drink water and/or eat, but nothing is working.
Other Tom and Katie are cheerfully planning their weddings. She hasn’t really decided what she wants for her wedding, but she has lots of ideas. Other Tom pulls her away from the table. He knows that she deserves better than how he’s been treating her. He apologizes again for his behavior and pulls out a small box. It’s a ring on a necklace, but not an engagement ring. Other Tom wants it to be a symbol of how committed he is to her. Katie is not impressed. She tells him that a ring on a string isn’t what a girl her age really wants from her boyfriend of four years. She now thinks that they have even more issues. Other Tom admits that he has some commitment issues and acknowledges that the ring may not have been the best idea.
Back at the wedding, everyone else is dancing, including Kristen and James. Tom and Ariana are making out on the dance floor. Carmen is still putting Jax off. He seems to think that Carmen is going home with him, but she obviously isn’t. He seems confused that someone wouldn’t want him, lol! Stassi and Kristina are ending their evening at Stassi’s apartment. We still haven’t seen her elusive boyfriend. They start talking about marriage and families. Stassi was planning to have Katie as maid of honor, but now she’s cut out of the wedding. Katie sends a picture of the reception and Stassi has to admit that the reception was beautiful.
Lisa comes upon Katie, who’s taking a break from the wedding. She’s visibly upset. Katie explains to Lisa why she’s upset and shows her the ring on string. Lisa hopes that Katie will get her man, but questions whether Other Tom is worth waiting for. Lisa tells Katie that she has two options – continue waiting or move on. She also tells Katie not to settle. She thinks that the ring is a gift that would be given if the two didn’t want to get married. At some point, Jax turns his charm on Lisa V, leading her into my quote of the night – “Jax has a better chance of becoming a Rhodes Scholar than he does of making it with me.” Love her!
Back at the table, Kristen is ordering an Uuber car when James approaches. I’m not sure what happened since we last saw them, but James is pissed. I don’t really follow what he’s talking about, but I’ll try to give a summary. He asks Kristen if she wants to do this here and Kristen walks away, saying James has issues. He follows Kristen off, telling her that she got what she wanted because she isn’t over Tom. She tells him to drink some water and calm down, which we know he’ll never do. She says that alcohol just magnifies James’ personality traits, like his jealous. Um, he kind of has a reason to be jealous here. I’m kind of surprised that Kristen keeps trying to walk away from him. Even though he’s the one in her face and being loud, he tells her her to calm down.
Scheana is freaking out because she can’t find Danielle, the wedding coordinator. We see Danielle clearing tables. She just needs to calm down and enjoy her reception. Apparently the reception didn’t turn out the way she wanted and she didn’t get to dance to any of her songs. That’s kind of what happens at a reception, the bride and groom get caught up in everything and don’t always have time for themselves. She’s also upset because people are leaving and she hasn’t cut the cake or tossed her bouquet. Yeah, I’d want those things to happen before people leave too. Danielle appears and says that she has asked the DJ to announce things several times. Scheana tells her to steal the microphone and make it happen.
Kristen is talking to her trainer, wonder how she affords that, and James is talking to Max. Max points out that Kristen is still at the reception and tells James to make up with her. Kristen is leaving with Trevor-the-trainer when James chases them into the parking lot. Rather than apologize, he chases Kristen down to tell her how badly she treats him. Kristen pushes him away and James gets even closer to her. Trevor asks him to get out of Kristen’s face, and James turns on Trevor. While he later admits that he was acting like a jerk, he seems to blame it on Trevor’s presence.
Among the things that James yells at Kristen: you have no respect for me, you treat my like your boy toy, everyone talks trash about you and it’s all true, she’ll never find someone to marry. I’m not going to disagree with much of what he says, but James was out of control. Kristen tells him that they’re done, but James sticks around to keep yelling at her. He chases her down the driveway and tries to stop her. She turns around and hits him! Twice! So much for staying under the radar! Trevor agrees that she had no choice but to hit him. While I hate to side with Kristen, I have to agree that she tried to walk away from the fight but James wouldn’t let it go.
Scheana is still annoyed because she never got to eat her food. She had a timeline of events for the reception, and things didn’t happen the way she wanted. Ariana points out that no one else knows about the timeline or realizes that things are behind schedule. In a true Bridezilla moment, Scheana start crying because things aren’t perfect. Ariana keeps trying to comfort her. They toast and everything is ok. Scheana seems to finally be having a good time dancing. They throw the garter and bouquet, cut the cake, and dance. Katie dances in the fountain, so she apparently got over the ring on a string. James searches out Tom to tell him that he was punched by Kristen. Tom isn’t too surprised and tells James to stop making excuses for Kristen’s behavior. Tom invites James to hang out with them for the rest of the night. I have to wonder how Brandi feels about Lisa’s good wishes for Scheana.
It’s the morning after and everyone gathers at a bungalow. Scheana is trying to get things cleaned up so she doesn’t get fined. Although she wasn’t worried about it last night, Scheana is now upset that Kristen threw a punch at her wedding. Um, she’s only heard James’ side of the story on this. He didn’t mention the fact that he chased her down and was yelling in her face. Kristen is no longer invited to anything that Scheana does in the future. I know that it is usually Kristen who starts the fights, I have to say that this one was on James. The group goes to help Scheana clean flowers out of the fountain, since she is doing her own clean-up to save money.