Real Housewives of Melbourne
Season 2 Episode 2 ~ Murder Mystery Party
Before I start the recap, let me just say thank you to all those who acknowledged my last blog and welcomed me to ‘Lynn’s Place’…what with being out of town Fri-Sun, and then comatose all day Monday, plus the problems with my comments not going through…I knew I wouldn’t be able to catch y’all individually without accidentally missing someone (a fate worse than death to me), so I wanted to take a minute and thank all of you for the warmest of welcomes, and I am glad you enjoyed the blog, typos and all…Grrrrr!
NOTE: In the interest of consistency/brevity, when the ladies are speaking one-on-one with the camera, I see that as some kind of Diary Chat (like they have in Big Brother where they are in a separate location talking smack about the others), and it will be reflected as DC in my blogs!
Petti Wants a Bentley
I think I hear a little Meagan Trainer in my head… “It’s all about that BASS Bentley…’bout that Bentley…’bout that Bentley…
We open this week with Pettifleur heading to the Bentley dealership so she can pick out a little trinket for her 50th birthday…so what if they cost $450k!
Petti/DC…“they are beautiful, classy and sophisticated – just like me”
Petti is being a bit like Dana Wilkey (from RHOBH and her $25k sunglasses) with her Chanel bag…and Bentley…she feels the need to re-emphasize the branding over and over…it is obviously very important to her to keep reminding us of her status and the long road to success for her.
The translation of Pettifleur from French to English is fairly straightforward – “little flower”. Apparently the translation to Aussie goes a bit further and comes to a screeching stop at “landing strip”…OMG! Mirrors on the floor of a Bentley so you can see your what while you are driving?
And the award goes to? The car salesman…1) for dropping Janet’s name, and 2) for his extended presence with Petti while still maintaining a straight face and other Bentley ‘decorumisms’ (I may have just made up a new word)…while Petti asks him if they can install mirrors on the floor of the car so when she is driving she can look down and see her ‘landing strip’ because of course, she goes COMMANDO. The salesman was a brave soul!
Lydia & Figaro
We have Lydia trying to dress up poor Figaro to go for a walk, and Lydia’s mom (Lena) is there to help as a stylist I presume.
Dogs wearing ‘outfits’ may look cute for the camera, but it embarrasses the dog, it really does. Did you watch Figaro run and hide behind the pillow? Did you see him on the street looking left then right hoping his friends weren’t out for their walks for fear they would see him?
Poor Figaro…and he seems like such a sweet dog too. Believe it or not though, my main concern is if Lena has to help Lydia choose an outfit for her dog, should Lydia ever be unescorted in public? Is it safe? Does she know how to cross the street by herself? Hmmm… Guess we will be seeing a lot of Lena, eh? Now you know ‘the rest of the story’.
Gamble & Dog Training
Having trained obedience dogs in my past I know it takes 6 minutes to train the dog and 6 weeks to train the owner, so it doesn’t surprise me at all that Gamble has hired help for Cash since he seems to have exquisite taste in shoes – and Louboutin seems to head the list of favorites. (SECRET #1 – close the door to the closet.)
Cash also seems to favor chewing the crotches out of clothes, and Gamble shares with Brad (the trainer) a story about going to lunch one day only to find out the pants she was wearing at the time had previously been visited by Cash, and the crotch had a hole chewed in it. (SECRET #2 – check your clothes before you put them on.) Brad had a simple solution:
Treat your dog as a human and he will treat you like a dog.
Treat your Dog like a dog and he will treat you as a human.
(Loosely translated that begs the question of who is training whom?)
Gotta tell you, other than some ditzy stuff, I am liking Gamble because she seems a bit unpretentious so far and doesn’t get as rattled as say oh I don’t know…Janet, but maybe it is still too early in the season still. Time will tell.
Rick, Luke, & Gamble Have Dinner
During dinner, Gamble and Rick decide to host a witch-themed “Murder Mystery Party” for all the ladies. (SECRET #3 – hide everything that can be construed as a weapon before the party starts when inviting these ladies, or there might really be a murder!)
(Lord, please make my wish come true to see Jackie in a Witch hat…Amen.)
Jackie, Janet and Petti at the Costume Shop
Well Jackie is always up for a party isn’t she? (I assume there will be booze) and is now joined by Janet and Petti to search for just the right costume for the party.
Janet all in black must be the wicked witch of death, and Jackie all in Red calls herself a hoochie-mama harlot, and Petti has chosen purple and seems to believe the shopkeeper is her PA (personal assistant). She keeps screaming from the dressing room and the poor gal must have made 50 trips back there with various parts of the costume, yet for the life of me I don’t know what she was dressing as, I just know Jackie was encouraging her to Twerk her behind off!
Jackie, Janet, Chyka & Gamble Lunch
Moving right along to the “ladies who lunch”, Chyka and Gamble head into a restaurant to meet the “J’s” (Jackie and Janet) and what a surprise – The first topic of conversation is Gina!
Gamble started the conversation by saying that she loved having lunch with Gina the other day, and lo and behold Janet immediately gets on the defensive and says she couldn’t meet me because she is very busy with this big court case and it’s taking up all her time, so she wasn’t taking a lunch… (I really thought her head would spin off here.) Gamble calmly states in an ‘I-hate-to-lick-the-red-off-your-lollipop’ moment – “it was on a Saturday,” LOL. Janet, who was fully ready to pounce, looked somewhat deflated.
The Other Lunch Across Town With Petti and Lydia
In a galaxy far far away…no doubt orchestrated by Janet, we catch Lydia walking into another restaurant to meet Petti. Lydia gives Petti a hug and then promptly zips up Petti’s pants, and Petti smiles as Lydia pats her on the arm with a knowing smile.
They sit down and although I can’t see Lydia’s wrists to see if she has her WOW bracelet on, I do notice she has on two WOW necklaces, Hmm…wonder why? Did she feel the need for double WOW protection or just not notice when she put her necklace on that she already had one WOW on already? We may never know.
Lydia starts the conversation by asking Petti what she thinks of Gamble. In random order:
- Her dress sense is a train wreck quality (I am paraphrasing on all these)
- She’s not that bright
- She’s dumb dumb dumb
- She could use less plastic surgery
- She is awfully bony, she could use some meat on her bones
Hearing this, Lydia gathers her courage and asks Petti what was her first thoughts about her?
Petti answers “pretentious”
A stunned Lydia responds “WOW” (anyone else see the WOW coming?)
Back to Jackie, Janet, Chyka & Gamble Lunch
They are gossiping about their fellow cast members. It really isn’t safe to not attend their functions is it, because you must surely always be the topic of conversation? This time it is Petti being dissected discussed and Janet all but hyperventilates before she blurts out “I don’t like her!”
She then goes on to discuss what happened at the Costume Shop. Once that was said, (and everyone was appropriately appalled) Gamble pipes up and says she knows quite a lot about Petti actually, and that unless you have money, she won’t want a whole lot to do with you, and then sums up using the phrase “Nouveau Riche”.
Some like to use that label to differentiate the classes of rich…as in ‘newly minted rich’ (Nouveau) or ‘old money rich’ (trust fund babies like the show ‘Southern Charm’)
Now we have offended Chyka who takes to the DC and say “Honestly, I think that’s horrible. I don’t even like that word. I think it’s unnecessary.” I would have liked Chyka to bring that up directly to the ladies instead of the DC, but I understand why she didn’t because she may have been called that at one time or another. As wonderful as she and her husband both are, they are the ones who made their money with their successful business acumen.
Ok, so now we move forward to Janet bringing up the fact that she and Petti both work in the same industry (property development) yet she thinks it is uncanny she has NEVER heard of her before she joined the cast of this show! (If you will remember from the first episode, I said I didn’t know what JANET did, only what she called herself, a ‘property developer’- winky winky)…so she blurts out “WHO THE EFF IS PETTIFLEUR?” (Oh Lord, Janet might actually have a point here. Whether or not they traveled in the same circles, in the same city it seems they each would have “HEARD” of the other one…Hmm…
Gamble (did I mention I am liking her?) mentions that every time she and Petti run into one another, Petti has the need to critique what she is wearing…her dresses, and jewelry and everything about her, and Jackie pipes up with some comment I only heard part of about the Fashion Police, and on and on and on.
Racing back to the other Lunch Across Town With Petti and Lydia
Here we find Lydia being a brave soul and bringing up Petti’s appearance…holy moly did she really say this?… “you have a very unusual look about you, which I love”, Lydia says! Petti takes it as a compliment and almost preens right on cue.
Lydia asks if she has Indian heritage in her, and Petti responds with no, she is a mixture of Portuguese, Swiss, Dutch, and something else. Lydia smiles and then addresses the DC and says “she is a bit of a mongrel of a woman – I mean, there was some Thai… and… Oh I forget the other”. OY VEY LYDIA…just OY VEY!
I adore them saving the best for last, don’t you? It seems Petti has invited Gina to her home…maybe for drinks or something, it really isn’t very clear.
Petti/DC: “I felt I really connected with Gina at Janet’s party, she gets me and I get her…I got her jokes and she got mine”.
(She should have left her comments right there, but no, she went on and intimated that Gina was UP on the same level as she was. RUT RO Scoobydoo!)
The one thing Gina has NEVER done, even in Season 1 during all the bullying was establish a pecking order with the ladies according to wealth or success ~ brains maybe, or lack thereof ~ ok now I am just joking. Methinks Petti needs to tread lightly here. It is clear she is looking for an ally here so she is trying to hook her wagon to the Gina star!
Next Petti informs her she’s writing a book named ‘Switch the Bitch’.
Gina tried several times asking her what it was about and all she ever got was something about a bitch, an inner one, and an outer one, and to me Petti wasn’t making a lick of sense, but Gina held her facial expressions to a minimum, and I suppose being a Barrister has disciplined her in many ways that we could only imagine, eh?
DC/Gina: “I wasn’t really sure after all that what the book is about – but it’s something about bitches!”
Gina isn’t sure but she might have dozed off while all the bitches were being explained and if so…oops…her bad, LOL!
Gina then saves the gathering by bringing up the Murder Mystery Party and asking Petti if she would like to ride with her in her Limo…which Petti eats up…I mean every last drop! GOOD FOR YOU GINA…you expertly figured what she needed to quit talking about all those bitches!
Rick & Gamble’s Proposal Dinner
Rick is just a cutie, isn’t he? Certainly not used to being on camera but as he and Gamble were having dinner he stumbles sweetly through a marriage proposal that totally stuns Gamble and leaves her stuttering incoherently until she asks if he is serious, and he replies ‘YES’.
Wits about her now she says she would love to marry him and he doesn’t understand how much that means to her and she loves his last name. He counters with she can take it if she wants to, and she replies she does!
DC/Rick: “Gamble is a wonderful step mother to my children and a really positive influence. She’s the focus of my whole life, not only my whole life, but the whole life of my family. In a sense she’s the center of it.”
Awwwww…fuzzy bunnies… fuzzy bunnies… fuzzy bunnies…
The Murder Mystery Party
Remember when I prayer to see Jackie in a witch hat? Prayers answered!
Geez, here I am coming up on the deadline to get this blog done and I have the whole party to go and the morning aftermath as well…sheesh…back to bullet points I guess…and you will love using your imagination and innuendo anyhow:
- Gamble and Rick have outdone themselves in the decoration department…the place is stunning
- Lots of horrific fake body parts around to offset the TOTALLY VEGITARIAN menu…love that they did that
- DC/Petti: “Rick Looks like Gamble’s Grandfather” (Oh honey chile that is gonna come back to bite you some day!)
- Lydia comes dressed as the Snow White witch with a bowl of poison apples…nicely played!
- Gina thought the food was a work of art
- Rick is somewhat the moderator of the mystery portion
- They are all assigned ‘characters’ for the mystery portion of the ‘whodunnit’ but no one can remember the name of the dead person which is always good for a laugh in the conversation, and no doubt caused by too many drinkie-poos before the game started.
- These ladies kept asking ‘who the eff is Selma?” (the dead person)
- Lydia’s special power was the Mind Control card…anyone else see the irony I see here?
- As the game winds down Petti starts in telling everyone she is writing a book about bitches…AGAIN…but she can’t seem to keep the attention of the ladies, and ends up sitting there pouting
- Rick announces he and Gamble are engaged, and everyone is happy for them, they all give hugs…some more sincere than others
OK folks…time is up and I am not through, so I will send this for posting this morning and I will send an update tonight with the “THE REST OF THE STORY” which hopefully can be added.
“Reunion Part I” – by HydrangeaHussy
This week is Part I of the Reunion. We’ll see if Andy and Lisa can keep control of these kids. We begin with the entire staff (minus Stassi) at Sur. Quick updates: Jax saw Carmen last night but doesn’t know how she’s doing, Tom and Ariana have moved into Tom’s apartment, Katie is wearing the ring that Other Tom gave him, and Kristen has been allowed back into Sur. Jax and Stassi haven’t spoken to each other in two years, but he’s called out by several people for telling them that he has spoken to her. Let the lying begin!
Andy jumps right in with the Kristen and Jax affair. Somehow Jax made his way back into the group, while Kristen was pushed out. She doesn’t understand why everyone is still friends with Jax. She says that he destroyed people’s friendships and that she had nothing to do with it. I would have to disagree. I think she had something to do with it as well, but I also agree that it’s unfair to let Jax get a pass while she is exiled. Andy points out that Tom managed to forgive Jax for sleeping with Tom’s girlfriend. Tom says that he understands why Jax acts out – it’s Jax’s insecurity. Lisa disagrees, she says that Jax does things because he doesn’t care about other people. Exactly!!! He has no concern for how his actions may affect others and it’s infurryating! Jax blames sleeping with Kristen on his break up with Stassi.
We move on to the rumors of Tom cheating in Miami. This whole thing was started by Kristen. When Andy questions why Ariana didn’t react when Scheana told her about the rumors, Ariana says that she had already heard the rumors and seen the text messages. She believes that Tom was honest with her. She chose not to believe the contradictory rumors. Ariana admits that, given Tom’s history, it is possible that he would cheat on her. Other Tom chimes in with an ‘ancient Chinese proverb’: Just because you cheat, doesn’t make you a cheater. Actually, it does. Tom was frustrated that Kristen involved herself so much in trying to prove that he cheated. He is more frustrated that she made up lies when there was no cheating to uncover. I still don’t know if he cheated or not, but his girlfriend has chosen to believe that he didn’t, so I’m ready to move on from this. Kristen denies bringing Miami girl into Sur. I think we all know that she masterminded that scenario. Jax tries to find out where Kristen found Miami girl, but James has to interrupt about Vegas. Tom points out that James has no room to talk because he wasn’t there, despite the fact that James says that he’s only stating facts. Other Tom sticks up for Tom, saying that he was with Tom the whole night and nothing happened.
Moving on to Jax’s nose. Andy doesn’t think it looks different. Jax thinks that it looks completely different. Andy mentions that people didn’t really believe the ‘deviated septum’ story and Jax immediately gets defensive and questions whether Andy is asking if he’s done drugs. Methinks the lady doth protest too much. Moving on from the stupid nose. Later on, they talk about Jax and Tom’s friend John in Miami. I don’t care, although Jax gets very defensive about their relationship.
James is asked to explain the car selfie comment from Scheana’s birthday. James says that he purchased his first car just before the party and was proud of it. He says that Tom couldn’t find anything else to make fun of him for. James believes that his response – go take a civic selfie – set Tom off. Everyone else disagrees. Tom explains that he just wanted Kristen and James to leave him alone. He doesn’t understand why James got involved in his conversation with Kristen. I’m tired of James. I could do without him and Kristen. Everyone believes that James came to the party to provoke Tom.
Although Jax says that Carmen and Tiffany both knew about the other girl. Kristen, as Carmen’s friend, says that Carmen didn’t know about Tiffany. She was embarrassed for her friend when the show aired. Jax and Carmen still hang out. Andy met Carmen last year. She introduced herself as Jax’s girlfriend, Andy said that is a really long list of girls, and Carmen didn’t find that funny. She had to have known what she was getting into.
San Diego. Tiffany set the boys up with a great suite and bottle service. Jax understands why people think he slept with the girl in the bathroom, but denies it. Other Tom says that he doesn’t know what happens, but Tom says that it was pretty obvious. Tom points out that he was open about his comments, and didn’t go behind Jax’s back. I have to agree. Jax talks a lot about everyone else, but then refuses to admit what he has said. Lisa says that Jax says whatever he wants at any given time, without regard for the consequences.
Scheana says that she wanted a joint bachelor/bachelorette party in Miami because they share so many of the same friends. Kristen understands the hard position that Scheana was put in by inviting her. Katie is glad that she choose to attend. Andy points out that Jax will deflect when he is back into a corner. For example, when questioned about San Diego, Jax brought up the Miami rumors about Tom. Tom says that he wasn’t referring to Miami girl, he was referring to a cummulation of things from their history. James thought the whole dinner was hilarious. He doesn’t think that it was gossiping to text Kristen about the dinner. Everyone thinks that it was odd that Kristen left her phone on the table for the girls to go through. I don’t buy that. Kristen keeps harping on Tom’s cheating history, which I find odd since she has a history of cheating too. You’d think that she wouldn’t want to draw attention to that. Tom and Ariana again deny that their relationship began before Tom and Kristen’s breakup. Kristen maintains that something was going on before the breakup. It’s obvious that this is never getting resolved. Moving on.
Kristen and Ariana argue about Ariana’s feelings in Miami. Kristen thinks that Ariana’s tears in the cab were for attention, which Scheana and Ariana deny. Ariana was shocked to hear some of Kristen’s remarks behind her back. Kristen maintains that she never threatened Ariana, but was just being facicious. Ariana felt threatened because she had seen Kristen become physical at Scheana’s birthday. Andy brings up Kristen and Tom’s emotional conversation in Miami. Tom says that the two didn’t have any closure before that. He tried to break up with her before, but it didn’t take, so he cut off all communication during the last break up. James doesn’t think that the conversation didn’t have to happen. James was appalled by Kristen’s behavior because they were together at the time. He now feels that Kristen has moved on.
Finally, on to Katie and Stassi. She didn’t expect such a harsh reaction from Stassi when she decided to go to Miami. Katie thought that Stassi would understand that she was going for her relationship. Other Tom was shocked that Stassi just Katie out of her life. He notes that Stassi bragged about how much she has grown, but she was still behaving like a child. I have to agree. It was childish and selfish. Andy brings Stassi out. BTW, I love her gingham dress. It’s really awkward when she walks out. Stassi admits that she went out of her way to avoid Jax because she didn’t want to put herself in a situation where Jax could spread lies about her. Jax thinks that Stassi’s boyfriend is insecure because Stassi cut off communication with Jax once she got into a relationship. She didn’t feel that it was appropriate to film with an ex-boyfriend out of respect to her new boyfriend. Tom thinks that the boyfriend gave Stassi an ultimatum. However, Stassi admits that she called Jax and asked for money to fix the holes in the wall that he made. Scheana doesn’t understand why she couldn’t be friend with both Stassi and Kristen at the same time. She finds it hypocritcal that Stassi cut her off because of her friendship with Kristen, but Stassi and Kristen are now friends again. Stassi says that Kristen is the only person who will talk to her now. Katie takes offense because she did try to reach out to Stassi. Stassi says that she blocked everyone, so she didn’t get the messages. How can she be mad that no one reached out to her when she had their numbers blocked? Oh, because she’s queen Stassi. Scheana says that Stassi is incapable of being nice about something unless it’s centered around her. Lisa feels that Katie was a good friend to Stassi, and that Stassi treated her like a servant. She also points out that most of the group was supportive of Stassi, but she cut them off. Everyone wonders how Stassi could cut Katie out of her life when she claims to care about Katie.
Happy Birthday vilzvet