Real Housewives of Melbourne
Season 2 Episode 2 ~ Murder Mystery Party
(The Complete Blog)
Before I start the recap, let me just say thank you to all those who acknowledged my last blog and welcomed me to ‘Lynn’s Place’…what with being out of town Fri-Sun, and then comatose all day Monday, plus the problems with my comments not going through…I knew I wouldn’t be able to catch y’all individually without accidentally missing someone (a fate worse than death to me), so I wanted to take a minute and thank all of you for the warmest of welcomes, and I am glad you enjoyed the blog, typos and all…Grrrrr!
NOTE: In the interest of consistency/brevity, when the ladies are speaking one-on-one with the camera, I see that as some kind of Diary Chat (like they have in Big Brother where they are in a separate location talking smack about the others), and it will be reflected as DC in my blogs!
Petti Wants a Bentley
I think I hear a little Meagan Trainer in my head… “It’s all about that BASS Bentley…’bout that Bentley…’bout that Bentley…
We open this week with Pettifleur heading to the Bentley dealership so she can pick out a little trinket for her 50th birthday…so what if they cost $450k!
Petti/DC…“they are beautiful, classy and sophisticated – just like me”
Petti is being a bit like Dana Wilkey (from RHOC and her $25k sunglasses) with her Chanel bag…and Bentley…she feels the need to re-emphasize the branding over and over…it is obviously very important to her to keep reminding us of her status and the long road to success for her.
The translation of Pettifleur from French to English is fairly straightforward – “little flower”. Apparently the translation to Aussie goes a bit further and comes to a screeching stop at “landing strip”…OMG! Mirrors on the floor of a Bentley so you can see your what while you are driving?
And the award goes to? The car salesman…1) for dropping Janet’s name, and 2) for his extended presence with Petti while still maintaining a straight face and other Bentley ‘decorumisms’ (I may have just made up a new word)…while Petti asks him if they can install mirrors on the floor of the car so when she is driving she can look down and see her ‘landing strip’ because of course, she goes COMMANDO. The salesman was a brave soul!
Lydia & Figaro
We have Lydia trying to dress up poor Figaro to go for a walk, and Lydia’s mom (Lena) is there to help as a stylist I presume.
Dogs wearing ‘outfits’ may look cute for the camera, but it embarrasses the dog, it really does. Did you watch Figaro run and hide behind the pillow? Did you see him on the street looking left then right hoping his friends weren’t out for their walks for fear they would see him?
Poor Figaro…and he seems like such a sweet dog too. Believe it or not though, my main concern is if Lena has to help Lydia choose an outfit for her dog, should Lydia ever be unescorted in public? Is it safe? Does she know how to cross the street by herself? Hmmm… Guess we will be seeing a lot of Lena, eh? Now you know ‘the rest of the story’.
Gamble & Dog Training
Having trained obedience dogs in my past I know it takes 6 minutes to train the dog and 6 weeks to train the owner, so it doesn’t surprise me at all that Gamble has hired help for Cash since he seems to have exquisite taste in shoes – and Louboutin seems to head the list of favorites. (SECRET #1 – close the door to the closet.)
Cash also seems to favor chewing the crotches out of clothes, and Gamble shares with Brad (the trainer) a story about going to lunch one day only to find out the pants she was wearing at the time had previously been visited by Cash, and the crotch had a hole chewed in it. (SECRET #2 – check your clothes before you put them on.) Brad had a simple solution:
Treat your dog as a human and he will treat you like a dog.
Treat your Dog like a dog and he will treat you as a human.
(Loosely translated that begs the question of who is training whom?)
Gotta tell you, other than some ditzy stuff, I am liking Gamble because she seems a bit unpretentious so far and doesn’t get as rattled as say oh I don’t know…Janet, but maybe it is still too early in the season still. Time will tell.
Rick, Luke, & Gamble Have Dinner
During dinner, Gamble and Rick decide to host a witch-themed “Murder Mystery Party” for all the ladies. (SECRET #3 – hide everything that can be construed as a weapon before the party starts when inviting these ladies, or there might really be a murder!)
(Lord, please make my wish come true to see Jackie in a Witch hat…Amen.)
Jackie, Janet and Petti at the Costume Shop
Well Jackie is always up for a party isn’t she? (I assume there will be booze) and is now joined by Janet and Petti to search for just the right costume for the party.
Janet all in black must be the wicked witch of death, and Jackie all in Red calls herself a hoochie-mama harlot, and Petti has chosen purple and seems to believe the shopkeeper is her PA (personal assistant). She keeps screaming from the dressing room and the poor gal must have made 50 trips back there with various parts of the costume, yet for the life of me I don’t know what she was dressing as, I just know Jackie was encouraging her to Twerk her behind off!
Jackie, Janet, Chyka & Gamble Lunch
Moving right along to the “ladies who lunch”, Chyka and Gamble head into a restaurant to meet the “J’s” (Jackie and Janet) and what a surprise – The first topic of conversation is Gina!
Gamble started the conversation by saying that she loved having lunch with Gina the other day, and lo and behold Janet immediately gets on the defensive and says she couldn’t meet me because she is very busy with this big court case and it’s taking up all her time, so she wasn’t taking a lunch… (I really thought her head would spin off here.) Gamble calmly states in an ‘I-hate-to-lick-the-red-off-your-lollipop’ moment – “it was on a Saturday,” LOL. Janet, who was fully ready to pounce, looked somewhat deflated.
The Other Lunch Across Town With Petti and Lydia
In a galaxy far far away…no doubt orchestrated by Janet, we catch Lydia walking into another restaurant to meet Petti. Lydia gives Petti a hug and then promptly zips up Petti’s pants, and Petti smiles as Lydia pats her on the arm with a knowing smile.
They sit down and although I can’t see Lydia’s wrists to see if she has her WOW bracelet on, I do notice she has on two WOW necklaces, Hmm…wonder why? Did she feel the need for double WOW protection or just not notice when she put her necklace on that she already had one WOW on already? We may never know.
Lydia starts the conversation by asking Petti what she thinks of Gamble. In random order:
- Her dress sense is a train wreck quality (I am paraphrasing on all these)
- She’s not that bright
- She’s dumb dumb dumb
- She could use less plastic surgery
- She is awfully bony, she could use some meat on her bones
Hearing this, Lydia gathers her courage and asks Petti what was her first thoughts about her?
Petti answers “pretentious”
A stunned Lydia responds “WOW” (anyone else see the WOW coming?)
Back to Jackie, Janet, Chyka & Gamble Lunch
They are gossiping about their fellow cast members. It really isn’t safe to not attend their functions is it, because you must surely always be the topic of conversation? This time it is Petti being dissected discussed and Janet all but hyperventilates before she blurts out “I don’t like her!”
She then goes on to discuss what happened at the Costume Shop. Once that was said, (and everyone was appropriately appalled) Gamble pipes up and says she knows quite a lot about Petti actually, and that unless you have money, she won’t want a whole lot to do with you, and then sums up using the phrase “Nouveau Riche”.
Some like to use that label to differentiate the classes of rich…as in ‘newly minted rich’ (Nouveau) or ‘old money rich’ (trust fund babies like the show ‘Southern Charm’)
Now we have offended Chyka…
DC/Chyka: “Honestly, I think that’s horrible. I don’t even like that word. I think it’s unnecessary.”
I would have liked Chyka to bring that up directly to the ladies instead of the DC, but I understand why she didn’t because she may have been called that at one time or another. As wonderful as she and her husband both are, they are the ones who made their money with their successful business acumen…it wasn’t inherited.
Ok, so now we move forward to Janet bringing up the fact that she and Petti both work in the same industry (property development) yet she thinks it is uncanny she has NEVER heard of her before she joined the cast of this show! (If you will remember from the first episode, I said I didn’t know what JANET did, only what she called herself, a ‘property developer’- winky winky)…so she blurts out “WHO THE EFF IS PETTIFLEUR? (Oh Lord, Janet might actually have a point here. Whether or not they traveled in the same circles, in the same city it seems they each would have “HEARD” of the other one…Hmm…
Gamble (did I mention I am liking her?) mentions that every time she and Petti run into one another, Petti has the need to critique what she is wearing…her dresses, and jewelry and everything about her, and Jackie pipes up with some comment I only heard part of about the Fashion Police, and on and on and on.
Racing back to the other Lunch Across Town With Petti and Lydia
Here we find Lydia being a brave soul and bringing up Petti’s appearance…holy moly did she really say this?... “you have a very unusual look about you, which I love”, Lydia says! Petti takes it as a compliment and almost preens right on cue.
Lydia asks if she has Indian heritage in her, and Petti responds with no, she is a mixture of Portuguese, Swiss, Dutch, and something else. Lydia smiles wanly…
DC/Lydia: “she is a bit of a mongrel of a woman – I mean, there was some Thai… and… oh I forget the other”.
OY VEY LYDIA…just OY VEY!
I adore them saving the best for last, don’t you? It seems Petti has invited Gina to her home…maybe for drinks or something, it really isn’t very clear.
Petti/DC: “I felt I really connected with Gina at Janet’s party, she gets me and I get her…I got her jokes and she got mine”.
(She should have left her comments right there, but no, she went on and intimated that Gina was UP on the same level as she was. RUT RO Scoobydoo!)
The one thing Gina has NEVER done, even in Season 1 during all the bullying was establish a pecking order with the ladies according to wealth or success ~ brains maybe, or lack thereof ~ ok now I am just joking. Methinks Petti needs to tread lightly here. It is clear she is looking for an ally here so she is trying to hook her wagon to the Gina star!
Next Petti informs her she’s writing a book named ‘Switch the Bitch’.
Gina tried several times asking her what it was about and all she ever got was something about a bitch, an inner one, and an outer one, and to me Petti wasn’t making a lick of sense, but Gina held her facial expressions to a minimum, and I suppose being a Barrister has disciplined her in many ways that we could only imagine, eh?
DC/Gina: “I wasn’t really sure after all that what the book is about – but it’s something about bitches!”
Gina isn’t sure but she might have dozed off while all the bitches were being explained and if so…oops…her bad, LOL!
Gina then saves the gathering by bringing up the Murder Mystery Party and asking Petti if she would like to ride with her in her Limo…which Petti eats up…I mean every last drop! GOOD FOR YOU GINA…you expertly figured what she needed to do to quit talking about all those bitches!
Rick & Gamble’s Proposal Dinner
Rick is just a cutie, isn’t he? Certainly not used to being on camera but as he and Gamble were having dinner he stumbles sweetly through a marriage proposal that totally stuns Gamble and leaves her stuttering incoherently until she asks if he is serious, and he replies ‘YES’.
Wits about her now she says she would love to marry him and he doesn’t understand how much that means to her and she loves his last name. He counters with she can take it if she wants to, and she replies she does!
DC/Rick: “Gamble is a wonderful step mother to my children and a really positive influence. She’s the focus of my whole life, not only my whole life, but the whole life of my family. In a sense she’s the center of it.”
Awwwww…fuzzy bunnies… fuzzy bunnies… fuzzy bunnies…
The Murder Mystery Party
Remember when I prayed to see Jackie in a witch hat? Prayers answered!
Geez, here I am coming up on the deadline to get this blog done and I have the whole party to go and the morning aftermath as well…sheesh…back to bullet points I guess…and you will love using your imagination and innuendo anyhow:
- Gamble and Rick have outdone themselves in the decoration department…the place is stunning
- Janet spends way too much time chasing Rick around the party
- DC/Gina: “Janet was completely locked in to Rick and if the opportunity presented itself, Janet would be ‘in there’”
- Lots of horrific fake body parts around to offset the TOTALLY VEGETARIAN menu…love that they did that
- DC/Petti: “Rick Looks like Gamble’s Grandfather” (Oh honey chile that is gonna come back to bite you some day!)
- Lydia comes dressed as the Snow White witch with a bowl of poison apples…nicely played!
- DC/Gamble: “I always wanted a basket of poison apples – there’s plenty of people I could give them to”
- Gina thought the food was a work of art
- Rick is somewhat the moderator of the mystery portion
- They are all assigned ‘characters’ for the mystery portion of the ‘whodunnit’ but no one can remember the name of the dead person which is always good for a laugh in the conversation, and no doubt caused by too many drinkie-poos before the game started.
- These ladies kept asking ‘who the eff is Selma?” (the dead person)
- Lydia’s special power was the Mind Control card…anyone else see the irony I see here?
- As the game winds down Petti starts in telling everyone she is writing a book about bitches…AGAIN…but she can’t seem to keep the attention of the ladies, and ends up sitting there pouting
- DC/Petti: “there were bitches at the table who weren’t interested and they switched off – they should have been switching the bitch and switched on”
- Rick announces he and Gamble are engaged, and everyone is happy for them, they all give congratulations or hugs…some more sincere than others
Chyka, Janet, and Gamble gather the day following the party for drinks or lunch or coffee (it is a bit unclear, or like Gina I might have dozed off…)
They ask Gamble about her engagement ring and Gamble replies she wants a “cushion cut”. (Oh, she lost me here, so I looked it up… With a cushion cut, the diamond is literally in the shape of a cushion – so, a square cut with rounded edges…ta da!)
Chyka tells the ladies that she has heard a rumor that Gina is actually engaged too! That comment didn’t gain legs, so Gamble is given a quick tutorial by Chyka about gossip, good vs evil I guess, and we can see Gamble sitting there wondering just where all this is headed…all that is missing is the fingers drumming on the table.
Janet then bursts on the scene unable to constrain herself and her own gossip by blurting out… “I’ve heard a bit of gossip that I’m not interested in sharing”. WHAT? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever…if you are not interested in sharing, why bring it up at all?
Gamble asks is it about one of the ladies? PREGNANT PAUSE FADES INTO DEAD SILENCE. “Oh”, Gamble says. “is it about me?”
Chyka asks Gamble if she wants to know what is being said about her, and Gamble replies sure, why not?
Chyka says it relates to the variety of men she has been with…some court case over a car which was a local story on the news one day or a newspaper story or something.
Gamble didn’t seem to get flustered by this, and she even tried to tone it down and almost support them by saying “I’m not worried about it as there are no skeletons in my closet. I know my life”.
“Janet-the-blurt” continues saying that ‘other’ people are saying she was a call girl and a stripper. OK NOW the $hit hits the fan, and Gamble gets offended noted in her facial expressions, and no doubt had to count to 10 before simply replying “I have never been either.”
Relentless in her efforts, not to mention the roll she is on at this point, “Janet-the-blurt” goes on to tell her that it’s common knowledge that Gamble participates in sex parties!
How Gamble manages to keep it together at this point is anyone’s guess but she calmy asks where all of this gossip is coming from. Janet replies by saying it is ‘viral’ in the people who she knows, and that it’s coming from many different, totally independent groups… and when pressed by Gamble, it seems it all boils down to Carlos as the instigator…I would be for opening a can of whoop-a$$ on that boy next time I saw him!
DC/Gamble: “I have a lot of friends who are Personal Trainers and they’re really hot. They came over while I was coming back from a real estate conference, and put up all these photos on FB, but it wasn’t a sex party! It was just girls having a swim. I felt ambushed. It felt pre-meditated. Coming up with such malicious bullshit is absolutely vile and they should just go home and have a effing shower and wash their brains out, their skulls out, their filthy minds and get a effing grip on life. Why don’t they stop and do something for the world and stop being bitches”? Great question Gamble…I’m all in on that one!
Enough for one hour’s worth of TV entertainment? I think so too!
So…Andy Cohen…Here is your new drinking game for one of your “Watch What happens Live” shows…Every time you hear the word “BITCH” – drink like you have just been called a stripper!
Until the next episode…