Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Confessions of a Housewife” – S5E18
Remember Last Week…
Most everyone pretended like everything was magically okay. Eileen spent most of the time very confused at how that was even possible. Oh, and Brandi slapped Lisa V in the face. Nope – I’m not even making this stuff up. Lisa V says she, “Is so over this.” So are we… so are we…
The women go to the flower market. However, Lisa R and Eileen almost get run over on their way. It’s like they had never crossed a street in their lives…lol.
Brandi is shopping with Kim and she tells her about “Amsterboy” that Brandi saw going by on a scooter. Then she saw him talking to Lisa V and it turns out that the guy grew up with Max (Lisa V’s son). One thing led to another and André (Amsterboy) asked Brandi and her camera crew out on a date. Color me oh, so surprised.
Brandi is buying flowers for Lisa. Brandi tells Kim that she slapped Lisa V in the face – but that it was just a joke. Hardee har har har… Cuz you know… I always laff when someone slaps me in the face. Yolanda is also buying flowers – But since she hasn’t hit anyone recently, she can use her flowers for the dinner table for their last night together. Yolanda chooses Yellow roses because it symbolizes a hope for friendship.
Brandi walks up to Lisa V and offers her some very beautiful, pink roses. Lisa V says she’s not happy. Brandi tells her that it was a joke and that she apologizes for it. Brandi whines about what else she can do… Lisa tells her that she can stop doing things like that. She also tells her that she should think before she acts. In her TH, Lisa V says, “I’ve been her emotional punching bag and I’m not going to be her physical punching bag.” Lisa V says of Brandi, “You give her an inch an inch and she takes a bloody mile.”
When Brandi sees Yolanda talking to Lisa V, she says to Kim, “I don’t want Yolanda fighting my battles for me.” Oh honey, Yolanda isn’t fighting your battles… Brandi admits, “I take fun to a level that isn’t fun.” Yolanda says to Lisa V about Brandi, “I feel like I need to keep trying to engage her to not just show up every day and be an asshole.” Lisa V says, “She’s your asshole, she’s not mine.”
Lisa calls Ken on the phone… tells him about the big slap… Get away from her says Ken… Kiss me… kiss me… get off… get off… and then she slapped me around the face? Ken is incredulous… it wasn’t hard – it just shocked her… the feeling of being violated… I love you…
Brandi’s piling on a lot of makeup clearly for her hot date. Yolanda knocks on Brandi’s door and they have a mini-summit right there and then. Yolanda says that Lisa V is rightfully upset and didn’t want to accept the apology. She tells Brandi that she needs to think before she speaks. Brandi tells Yolanda that they already had that discussion that morning – but that this is all about last night. Right Brandi, like no one has ever told you before you need to think before you speak? Puhleeze.
Yolanda tells Brandi that she’s loyal to Brandi because Brandi has been loyal to Yolanda. Yolanda also tells her that you can’t just slap someone in the face and then say “I’m sorry.” In some situations, “Sorry” isn’t good enough. Brandi says she’s not going to dinner with the group because she has a hot date.
Brandi says that she’s choosing whether to spend the evening with a “23-year-old hunk” vs. “5 menopause mommas” – And that she’s going to choose the hunk, right? Again, she calls the women out on their age as if they’re oh, so much older than Brandi. Brandi knows she will have more fun away from the group. The group will have more fun away from you, too. Except for Kim… Remember your bestie, Brandi? You know… the one that will feel very isolated and abandoned without you there? I guess you didn’t think about her when you made YOUR decision, right? You can be such a dunderhead.
Yolanda’s brother Leo and his wife Liseth are also at the dinner, how kewl. Yolanda’s yellow roses look beautiful as the centerpieces on the table. Everyone wants to know where Brandi is? Yolanda tells everyone that she’s not coming. Kim looks shocked – and was obviously unaware that Brandi wasn’t going. Wow… It’s not like Brandi could have texted or called Kim about her decision, right? Wow.
Kyle thinks it’s a gift that she’s not going to be there. Eileen is extremely thrilled! Lisa V starts to say that it will mean that they will have a nice…. And Eileen jumps in and supplies, “quiet evening.” Lol… Lisa V doesn’t care if Brandi wants to hump “a 22 year old”… as long as she doesn’t have to deal with her but that she thinks it’s totally inappropriate. She’s worried that it will get back to Max. Umm… It’s on national TV – I’m guessing Max is gonna find out about it.
Kim spills the beans that Amsterboy spent the night the previous night. (And then says just kidding – Veena)
Brandi is waiting inside the restaurant… Waiting… Waiting… Waiting… Oh, and drinking… lol. Finally… André shows up and their hands are all over each other. Brandi says that the women stress her out. Brandi says, “Beautiful country… Beautiful food… Beautiful cock.” Oh, I get it – Amsterboy is a farmer and Brandi saw his rooster, right? This is my favorite milk commercial involving cows and a rooster and a snooze button…lol… Watch it… Trust me…lol… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Up880afV_qs Brandi says, “My day just got REAL good.”.
Meanwhile, at the adult dinner table, everyone was casually remarking about how much they loved the hotel they’ve been staying while in Amsterdam. Yolanda said the first time she stayed in the hotel was 30 years ago when she was dating Julio Iglesias. Wow… Who knew that Yolanda was one of the “girls that he loved before.” Lol. Lisa R says that Yolanda is even more fabulous than anyone really realizes because she has “fabulous skeletons in her closet that come on out and say, ‘Hi, I’m Julio Iglesias.”
Brandi gushes that she had a great time with Amsterboy the previous night. He asks Brandi if she still has a hangover. Brandi says that she thinks that making out and kissing is more intimate than the “other thing.” Amsterboy disagrees saying, “Depends… I think you have the wrong guys who don’t do it the right way.” Lololol… Did he just tell Brandi she hasn’t been having sex right? Lol… Brandi says she likes making out with guys who are 20-25 years old. They kiss… Amsterboy says, “Last night was good… Tonight will be better.” Check, please! Brandi says, “I don’t know what the ladies are doing – but I’m pretty sure it’s not André.” Oh see how she did that? She was making a funny! Sometimes I feel like I need a teleprompter to know when to laugh at Brandi’s hilarious jokes. Cuz I may not always know I’m supposed to laff when she throws wine on someone or slaps Lisa V in the face. It could really help us all… Just sayin’…
After some talk about a live sex show and what some of the women have seen on their travels around the world… Oh, and a private area on a woman’s body nicknamed “Cuckamonga” – Which I found completely hilarious… Yolanda makes a toast (Of course she does…lol)… Yolanda thanks the girls for traveling all that way to see where she came from…She makes a special effort to include Brandi in the toast because she is also part of the conversation – though absent from the table. The women return to Los Angeles…
Yolanda and Brandi are having a spa day. Brandi tells Yolanda that her dad is in the hospital. He has blacked out 3 times. The surgery he’s had is not working. Yolanda is getting a vitamin drip while Brandi gets a facial.
Of course they start talking about their trip – and WineGlassGate2015®™©. Brandi says that if had been Brandi who threw the glass that they would have put her in jail. Yolanda tries to tell her that she’s done things to every single woman in the group. Brandi is sick of lectures. She thinks it’s bulls*** that people feel free to throw punches at her but that she can’t speak her mind freely. No Brandi, you just physically slap them, right?
Brandi is crying now. She says that Lisa R can throw a glass and no one even mentions it the next day. She thinks it’s not fair because anytime Brandi does something that everyone brings it back up over and over again. Yolanda tries to console Brandi. She tells Brandi that she hits below the belt sometimes.
Yolanda tells Brandi that she didn’t want to make her cry. Yolanda says she knows that Brandi has a good heart – Because if she didn’t believe it that she wouldn’t give her the time of day. Yolanda wants to demonstrate to Brandi that there are people in her life that won’t kick her to the curb.
Kim visits Adrienne who is planning a party at a venue in Hollywood. Kim tells her about their big trip to Amsterdam which was a bit of a nightmare. It was interesting to hear Kim tell the story because she conveniently left out a lot of information that would make her look bad. She told Adrienne that Lisa R got up and threw a wineglass across the table and lunged at her like she was going to choke her.
Kim tells Adrienne the thing upset her the most about the whole situation – Was that she was sitting there covered in wine and broken glass and that Kyle just ran off after Lisa R. Ummm… Kyle actually fled the scene before anyone else did – and then only came back to get her purse. Kim conveniently omits all the horrible things she said to Kyle, Eileen, and Lisa R before the wine toss. Adrienne tells Kim that Kim should have talked to Kyle when they were still in Amsterdam. Even Adrienne has Kim’s number…lol.
Kyle and Lisa R are sitting at a restaurant and both of them are very, very happy to be home. Kyle says she hasn’t spoken to Kim since they got back. They talk about the 1st night of the Amsterdam trip when Lisa R threw the wineglass. Lisa R says she thinks about it all the time. Kyle says she felt badly that Kim was talking so rudely to Lisa R and didn’t like it when Kim turned and screamed at Kyle. Kyle tells Lisa R of her plan to invite Kim to her house in the desert so they can talk. In her TH Lisa wonders when is it that you walk away from someone who is a member of your family?
Lisa R tells Kyle that Brandi is concerned about Kim. She says that Brandi has more to say about the subject but that Brandi feels like her hands are tied. Lisa R tells Kyle that Brandi says she thinks that Kim is fragile and that if anyone broaches the subject of Kim’s sobriety that it would put Kim over the edge.
Lisa R tells Kyle that she and Brandi talked about having an intervention for Kim. Kyle said that if Kim knew that Brandi was talking to Lisa R about this subject that she would be very upset. This does not surprise Lisa R since Kim is upset when anyone talks about her situation. Kyle wonders why Brandi hasn’t talked to Kim about her concerns – Since they seem to be the same concerns that Lisa R and Eileen have about Kim.
To be fair… I think Brandi is in a very hard place. She wants to be a good friend to Kim and to “be there” for her. I actually do think that Brandi really does care about Kim – but because she’s so messed up herself that she just doesn’t know how to be a real friend to her. Kyle’s hate for Brandi and her antics blind her to the possibility that Brandi does care about Kim. She thinks Brandi will turn on Kim at the very first opportunity. Brandi’s first loyalty is to her paychecks because it helps her take care of her kids. I think everyone and everything else is a distant 2nd. I believe that Brandi will do almost anything to secure her paychecks as a drama-causing housewife and a shock-jock with a podcast. It is quite possible that Kim will end up being collateral damage – but I don’t think Brandi will intentionally hurt Kim. But I’m sure I’m giving her way too much benefit of the doubt.
Kyle hates that Brandi has the same concerns about Kim as Eileen and Lisa R but she just isn’t telling them to Kim’s face. I think Brandi is running out of friends on this show. Yolanda is showing Brandi through her actions that being a friend really does mean that you talk about uncomfortable subjects at times. Yolanda has also shown Brandi that you don’t kick a friend to the curb the moment they misbehave. I’ve gotta respect that.
Lisa V is very happy to be back home again. She decided to become an ordained minister so that she could officiate weddings involving gay couples. They are having a beautiful wedding at PUMP. The two grooms are beaming as they walk down the red carpet. She tells them they look fabulous. She’s so happy she’s there to help them celebrate one of life’s greatest moments. Lisa V says that officiating a wedding is like icing on the cake, so to speak.
Kim visits Kyle’s amazing desert home. They got stuck in traffic and so it took her 5 hours to get there (yuck). I find it weird that we’re in severe drought conditions and yet Kyle has several fireplaces/firepots going. Kyle is wearing a very pretty sleeveless dress – So it must be just for ambiance. I guess I can’t completely blame her – The house is absolutely gorgeous! Kim tells Kyle that she should have “misters” like their mom always said that were mandatory in the desert. That would be fun to have cool water misting down on you… But I’d still rather be submerged in a swimming pool when I’m at the desert.
One of the great parts about the house was that one huge wall was glass and opened out onto the patio. It’s beautiful. However, this is the desert… I’m just not sure how smart it is to keep an entire wall like that open for any length of time. The desert has lots of creepy critters and crawly things (scorpions, tarantulas, snakes, etc.). My aunt who lived it the desert used to constantly remind me to open and shut doors quickly so we didn’t have unwanted guests. I’m sure it was also to make sure we weren’t trying to air condition the entire desert…lol.
Kim and Kyle try to make small talk. Kim talks briefly about how she’s taking care of a very weak Monty. Kim then tells Kyle she was trying to think about what she could say to Kyle to explain how she’s feeling about things. She tells Kyle that she’s not the same person that she was 3 years ago.
Kim said that Lisa R had crossed so many lines by asking about what treatment center she went to and if she had a sponsor. We see footage of Lisa R talking to Kim directly about it and Kim just blowing her off.
Kyle told Kim the thought that Kim was being aggressive and that Lisa R was not coming from a mean place. Kim thinks that if Kyle was in Kim’s place she would have been furious, too. Kyle tries to explain to Kim that this was all stemming from PokerGate 2015®™©. Kyle said she told everyone that she had not seen Kim act like this since she came out of rehab. Kim wonders if Kyle ever thought about how scared Kim was that night and that she’s still upset about it.
Really, Kim? Cuz I remember that you talked to Kyle in the bathroom – And assured Kyle that you were fine and that you had nothing to hide. And then Kim, you proceeded to lie to Kyle and to us about the pain pill you took.
Kyle wants to know why Kim is so danged mad at her. She asks if it was because Kim thought Kyle should have jumped in on her conversation with Lisa R on the plane and defended Kim?
Kim says she doesn’t need Kyle’s help. Kim uses a gesture to mock Kyle about hiding behind something during that conversation. Kim has seen Kyle defend herself and her children. Kim says, “I didn’t need your help in Amsterdam, Brandi defended me just fine.” Oh, snap! Man… Kim is so danged mean sometimes… She knows exactly how to push Kyle’s buttons. I guess most sisters, do… But holy crap on a cracker!
Sure enough Kyle says, “Do you know what an insult that is?” Kyle tells Kim that Brandi has not been a good, dedicated or loyal friend to her. Kyle says, “Guess what she says to people behind your back, Kim.” Kyle tells Kim she’s been there for her in every aspect of her life. And it hurts Kyle that Kim doesn’t acknowledge that… Kyle says, “And Brandi Glanville is walking around to people like Lisa Renna and saying, ‘Kim needs an intervention.’” Kyle mockingly screams, “How do you like that? Isn’t that nice? Isn’t that a great friend?” Kim looks down… I look at Kyle… ‘Cuz that was just so mean… .
Kim insists that she has been very gentle about everything with Kyle.. Kyle disagrees… So do I… lol… I mean, I almost spit out my diet Dr. Pepper at that statement.
Kim says that she hasn’t brought up the house in a long time. She accuses Kyle of taking the money she made from selling their mom’s house and used it to buy the current desert house. This really flips Kyle’s fig. Kyle asserts that she bought Kim and Kathy out because that’s what they wanted since they already had homes in the desert. Kim disagrees and says that Kyle only bought Kathy out. Kyle says she has the cancelled checks to prove it. Kim said she tried to give Kyle back the check but that she wouldn’t take it. Kyle said the checks are “cancelled” so Kim must have ultimately cashed it.
Kim also seems to think that Kathy got a different amount than she did (We’ll get to that a little later). Kim said that it was such a quick escrow that she didn’t even have the opportunity to go back into the house before it was sold. Kim seems to be clear that Brooke and Farrah shared the listing and the commission. Kyle told Kim that the fact they even had the time to have a conversation about splitting the listing between their two daughters proves the house wasn’t already sold when she originally talked to Kim about selling the house.
Kyle tells Kim that everything she says is a twist and a lie. Kim screams, “You’re lying… You’re lying!” I kind of wish Kim had said, “You’re such a f***ing liar, Kyle” (Using the same tone as Kyle did when she originally said that same exact thing to Camille).
Kyle says that Kim knows she wasn’t in the position at that time to share a mortgage. Kim tells her talk about her own s***. Kim says she’s so done with Kyle and her f***ing lies. Kyle says, “I’m sorry you see it that way.” Kim says that everyone sees it that way – Even Kyle’s closest friends. Oh really, Kim? Have Kyle’s closest friends reviewed the documents in question and have they seen the canceled checks? Do they have ALL of the facts or only the pieces of information you want them to have?
Kyle retaliates that she hopes that Brandi doesn’t break Kim’s heart. Kim thinks that Kyle almost seems like she wants Kim’s friendship with Brandi to fail just so she could be right about Brandi and so she could do the “I told you so” dance.
Kyle said she thought they had already dealt with this subject since Kim’s rehab and that they had agreed they would start their relationship all over again from scratch. Kyle is upset that they are once again arguing about the same stuff. Kim says that must not have dealt with it. Yeah, or you have no other weapons to fire at Kyle. Kyle says, “If Kim was a friend and not my sister – I probably would have given up on this relationship a long time ago.”
I’m worried about the 4 pieces of burning chicken on the grill in another room. Although I guess they would now be better categorized as “burnt offerings.”
Kim thinks this type of discussion is all just part of a process. Whose process and for what? I dunno – I suppose it must be Kim’s… The main issue that Kim got all wonky about (at least that we saw) was the concerning the sale of their mom’s desert house. Kyle was very happy to talk about it because Kim has been asserting for years that Kyle stole their mom’s house from her. It’s a very easy thing to prove, really.
Let’s try to sort this out, shall we?
Okay, we know that Kim and Kyle’s mom died in 2002. I’m not sure if their mom’s house was required to be probated or not (It could have been in a trust) – but even if it did – Probate was probably finished by 2003/2004 and assets and belongings would have been dealt with by that point of time.
Kyle asserts that the house was left to the 3 sisters equally. I’m guessing that’s probably true – It would be an easy thing to prove. However, I kind of always got the feeling that Kim’s issue was that the family may have used Kim’s earnings as a child actor to help them initially buy and then maintain the house – and so maybe she thought that she deserved a bigger share than the other sisters… Even IF that’s true… (and it’s a BIG IF)… Then Kim should have an issue with their mother dividing the proceeds from the sale of the house equally… Her issue should be with her mother and not with either Kathy or Kyle.
Kyle also said that her 2 sisters did not want the house because they both already had houses in the desert and they wanted to be bought out. The “buyout” more than likely happened several years ago. It seems to have been accomplished by a single check to each sister because Kim mentioned she tried to give “it” back. If it had been several checks over a period of time she probably would have said she tried to give “them” back. But I could be wrong and missed something.
Kyle mentioned there was a mortgage on the house and that Kim wasn’t in a position to be able to jointly handle the mortgage payments at that point of time. One would think there were also pretty large sums of money required for the upkeep, maintenance, and property taxes on the house over all those years. Who here thinks Kim contributed a penny for any of those reasons? Yeah, me neither.
Kyle says she has cancelled checks to prove that Kyle paid Kathy and Kim what was owed to them. “Cancelled” means that Kim cashed the check. Kim seems to imply the amount of her check wasn’t the same as Kathy’s – So that means she thinks it was for less because who would complain if it was for more? This is also easy to prove once and for all – Show Kim the cancelled checks.
I cannot underscore the Kathy Hilton factor in all of this. Kathy MUST have an arsenal of lawyers available to her 24/7. If she thought for one moment that Kyle had cheated either herself or Kim out of one thin dime… Do we NOT think Kathy would have taken Kyle to task (and possibly court) for it? Kathy may not actually need the money herself – but she sure as heck knows that Kim does. Plus, by Kim’s own words, Kathy has been very supportive of Kim – So if there was ANY wrongdoing or implied impropriety – Don’t we think Kathy would have flexed her legal muscles?
It really only leaves us with the issue of the actual buyout amount and how it was calculated. It really makes a HUGE difference as to WHEN the buyout was calculated. Numbers can be tricky and can be easily manipulated. People also tend to be greedy. Mauricio’s occupation is in real estate. While I generally don’t trust him as far as I could throw him – This is specifically an area that could really hurt him professionally if Kim is implying there was some impropriety as to how the buyout number was calculated.
I did a little (very little – but some) research. While the housing market dramatically declined all over the country over the last 10 years (as we all are so painfully aware), here in California, the market has now almost returned back to 2004 levels. (See Orange County Business Council, “2014 Orange County Community Indicators Report,” page 24. Retrieved from: http://ocgov.com/civicax/filebank/blobdload.aspx?BlobID=35209.
Zillow (on-line real estate database) reflects the same general trend pertaining specifically to Palm Springs and can be accessed at: http://www.zillow.com/palm-springs-ca/home-values/.
Kim tells us that Kyle used the proceeds from the sale of their mom’s house to fund the buying of their new desert house. Duh… Of course she did! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that… Since Kyle has only owned their new house for a very short time – It’s probably also true that she sold their mom’s house very recently, too (otherwise the tax implications would have been huge). She probably got a fairly good price for the sale – A price that is probably much more than the calculated buyout amount from several years ago during the economic downturn. The other reason the sale had to be very recent was because both Farrah (Kyle’s daughter born in 1988) and Brooke (Kim’s daughter – born in 1986) split the commission on it. I have no idea how recently they became licensed real estate brokers.
Kim’s issue MUST be in the buyout amount and not the amount that Kyle received from the selling of the house. Remember, Kim accused Kyle of stealing the house way back in January 2011 during their legendary limousine fight. It is very conceivable that Kyle made a profit on owning the house all these years if she recently sold it.
Kim tells Kyle that she loves her so much and wants to work through all of this with her. Kim thinks they just needed to talk about these things. Kyle thinks that she and Kim both want to have a better relationship – But Kyle’s not sure if they’re capable of it.
Okay, but in the last 3 episodes alone Kim has stated (or has strongly implied) on camera that Kyle; 1) has stolen from her; 2) has repeatedly lied to her; 3) has not defended her; 4) has not been a good friend; 5) has not been as supportive of her as Brandi; 6) has not been as good of a sister to her as Kathy; and, 7) has been weak when it comes to issues about Kim.
So… The motivation for Kyle to actually WANT to make up with Kim is… Exactly what? Gosh, with sisters like that who needs enemies?
We have Brandi’s book signing… Adrienne’s party… We see ghosts of Housewives and wannabes past… We see Camille… We see Faye Resnick… Lisa R is confronted about saying Brandi told her Kim needed an intervention… Kim confronts Brandi and it looks like ultimately Brandi walks away and says she’s done… We can only hope… Well, it IS the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills finale… Someone HAS to be done and walk off in a huff, no????
Well, that’s it for this week’s “rubbish.” Thanks for reading… Have a most excellent week… Happy Trails!