Top 10 Reasons Brandi’s NOT Invited to the Vanderpump Easter Dinner
|10.||‘Cuz they already have a swan that will bite them in the ass the minute their back is turned.|
|9.||‘Cuz if they want something that’s usually half-baked and thinks she’s a ham – They can easily order one from HoneyBaked®.|
|8.||‘Cuz Ken and Lisa just might have taken a tad bit of an offense that Brandi recently called Lisa a menopausal momma over the age of 70 who has slept with half of Los Angeles (Among other horrible things…).|
|7.||‘Cuz even marshmallow Peeps have more substance than Brandi (Plus, if they want dessert – Peeps can be easily popped in the microwave to make s’mores – Thanks for the s’mores tip, Orson!).|
|6.||‘Cuz due to Brandi’s recent slapping behavior – They plan to invite Brandi to their November “Happy Slapsgiving” feast instead (Shout out to “How I Met Your Mother” fans).|
|5.||‘Cuz Lisa is afraid that Brandi will get too close to her and will start to hump her like a bunny.|
|4.||‘Cuz the only “Brandi” that Lisa’s lips will ever touch is cognac – And she may even drink THAT thru a straw (Sorry Brandi, no kiss for you… Evah! Thanks for the straw idea, Kyle!).|
|3.||‘Cuz if they want a chick that’s hollow on the inside they’ll get a Cadbury’s.|
|2.||‘Cuz they already have plenty of jelly beans – They don’t need anything else that’s pure jelly.|
|1.||‘Cuz Lisa’s the only bitch that’s allowed to eat at the table (Sorry, Lisa – But you can be just a tad bit bitchy at times… lol… And, as we all know, Giggy is NOT a bitch).|
Shahs of Sunset “The Secret is Out” by SunnyGirl
These Persians used to be fun. We saw their culture through new eyes in the first few seasons – which is one reason why I watched. I found it so interesting to see what made each of them tick. This season, not so much.
We see Reza taking GG shopping to decorate her apartment. Reza claims that although GG is cute and sassy, her apartment looks like a 19 year old frat boy’s apartment. Reza tries to encourage GG to decorate with some wild colors and prints to which she responds that her cat would run. He shows her a glass coffee table. GG says she doesn’t want a cocaine table. (Now, that was funny!) Finally they agree on a couch and some orange throw pillows. This is when the stage is set for a serious discussion.
Reza claims that he has replaced Mike as GG’s older brother figure. He tells GG that there is something weighing on his mind. He asks to verify again the story she told about Mike trying to get her in bed (see how I said that nicely?) in Turkey. He says he is concerned why GG waited nearly a year to talk about this. GG takes offense, but explains that this is exactly why she hasn’t said anything. She didn’t want to deal with the doubts from the others. Reza says he will stick behind GG 100% regarding this issue with Mike.
An aside – have we ever seen GG lie about anything? I know we’ve seen her drunk, we’ve seen her scream and go nuts and make threats. But I’m not sure we’ve ever seen her blatantly lie. I firmly believe there is some truth to the accusations that GG has made, although probably not to the extent that she is claiming. Mike is definitely a player and Jessica was not on the trip to Turkey. (On WWHL, the opinion poll says that 67% of the people believe GG.)
Next we see Mike in his new/old position as residential real estate agent. Mike is showing Sam, an agent in his office, a preview of a new listing of Mike’s. Mike overuses the word classy, especially in relation to this place. He says you could put 100 chicks in the pool. The entire interior made me nauseous, especially the purple velvet walls in the master bedroom. If I had $4 million to spend on a home, it certainly would NOT be that one.
Now we head to MJ’s condo, where Asa and Reza show up to discuss Adam’s 30th birthday party. Which, of course, really means we are going to hear them talk about the GG/Mike situation. MJ is cooking and says when she is in love, she cooks. Asa says as long as she has known MJ, she has never known her to cook. (Another aside – Asa and MJ have become deliberately competitive with each other.)
Reza is showing the girls the goodie bags he has fixed for Adam’s birthday. He calls himself the Persian Martha Stewart. (Martha Stewart is probably seeking psychiatric help after that comment.) MJ and Asa get weirdly competitive over the goodie bags. I wish they wouldn’t. I like to see two successful women support each other, instead of this nonsense.
MJ and Charlie are making the bed and making breakfast while discussing the birthday party. Charlie is making his Persian debut, and MJ is nervous. MJ says Charlie is sensitive, affectionate and loving. She is worried that her friends will ask too many questions and be too invasive. Yep. We know that will happen.
Reza is showing an empty condo building to Adam. Reza claims he has more time for real estate development now that he is not working with Mike. (I’m not sure why working with Mike would take up so much time.) Reza talks about property improvements and flipping units. He tells Adam that he has a short turnaround time on the condos for his investors and will be very busy. He is concerned about his work responsibilities and planning a wedding.
Reza also tells Adam that Reza’s mother does not want a destination wedding. She wants the wedding at The Four Seasons where Reza’s sister got married. Adam does not look happy.
Now we see GG at her parents’ home. GG and her sister, Layla, are volatile and spoiled, but they are well-loved by their parents. GG’s father is a very wise man and I’m glad to see GG seeking his advice. GG talks to him about her business partnership with Layla, GG’s Extensions. She wants to dissolve the partnership, as they have both tried everything to make it work but it is not. Her father says he will read the contract and let her know. He then tells her that failure is a lesson for future success.
GG also asks for her father’s advice about Mike, although she does not go into details. He tells her she has to assess whether it is damaging or uncomfortable. Will it damage her life or Mike’s? Or is it uncomfortable? (At this point, I would expect GG to back off discussing this with Mike. While it is uncomfortable for GG, it is damaging for Mike.)
Asa and Zinat (Asa’s mother) go shopping for a new car. Asa reminds us that she likes to be the one to drive when she goes somewhere with her mother. We are shown an old clip of Zinat swearing and yelling while she is driving. Asa is at the Mercedes dealership where she says the dealership is filled with weird vibes. Oooh! The Persian Pop Priestess appears. Asa begins using her Persian tools because she needs to align herself to the car that she will purchase. Zinat calls her a “veirdo.” (I agree with Zinat.)
Asa also feels the need to discuss the Mike/GG situation with her parent. Zinat very smartly tells Asa that is between Mike and GG, not Asa.
Asa decides on her purchase and is told by the salesman that she needs $3,000 down, $1,199 per month for 24 months. (I will obviously never drive a Mercedes.) Asa says to make it $2,200 down and they have a deal. We see Asa walk to her new car and, of course, I notice her shoes. She is totally rocking a pair of gold sandals. Check them out!
We see the Persians getting ready for the party – MJ applying false eyelashes, Reza walking around in his underwear, and GG FaceTiming with Asifa in their apartment. (Please note Reza’s shoes as he gets out of the limo at the restaurant – I believe they may still be alive.)
Reza makes some comments about Adam’s friends as they arrive for the party. He calls them “sweet, white, geeky” people. Does Reza understand that he is getting ready to marry a sweet, white, geeky person?????
GG is wearing a white crochet skirt with a crop top and looks very sweet. Asifa is wearing a black dress and refers to her look as a high paid hooker. All the Persian ladies look lovely.
In walks Mike and Jessica. And I just have to say, I am appalled at Jessica’s choice in dresses. Jessica is well-endowed. The dress she is wearing has a cut-out neckline and Jessica’s boobs are just popping out. I was not at all impressed. It is not a good look.
MJ walks in (late as usual) with Charlie. Automatically, Reza gets “that” look on his face and we know Reza is not going to like Charlie. Reza is very territorial. In his TH, Reza explains that Charlie is not handsome enough for MJ.
We see a short clip of Asa trying to explain her religion. If you haven’t watched this episode, I recommend fast-forwarding through this when you do watch. I’m still confused about it.
Now it is time for dinner. For whatever reason, Reza has not put Mike and Jessica at the main table, where all the other Shahs are. Smart on Reza’s part, but Mike isn’t happy. Of course, there are questions for Charlie about religion from Reza. Blah, blah, blah. Reza gives Adam a bracelet.
GG goes with Shervin and Asifa to a different area of the room. Asifa tells them about Mike getting ready to propose to Jessica. GG’s face is priceless. She is teed off. I am thinking that, until that point, she was still wishy washy about the Turkey situation. But that is the turning point for GG. GG decides to tell about Mike trying to have sex with her in Turkey. (See, GG? I have talked about the Turkey situation twice now without using the F word. It can be done.) GG claims she has nothing to gain; that she just wants resolution.
Reza, in his TH, says that too many people now know the secret and that Shervin is pretty defensive regarding Mike. Asa, in her TH, says now it’s starting to become wrong. (I agree.) In GG’s TH, she says a small part of her wants the information to slip out so that she doesn’t have to deal with it. Oh, GG. If it isn’t addressed just between you and Mike, it’s just gossip and will cause all kinds of problems.