Brandi Glanville Quits Housewives “I’ve Had Enough of the ABUSE” by Venna
After four seasons on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills hit reality show, Brandi Glanville is calling it quits. “It’s just too stressful for Brandi to continue to be involved in the show,” a source told Lynnfam. “She’s having all sorts of anxiety. She’s practically living on a diet of xanax and cheetos.”
Brandi has been the star of the franchise since Season 3 when she was elevated from “friend” status to full time housewife. She brought a much needed dose of youth on a franchise by menopause mamas. “I still get my monthly flow,” Granville claims. “Unlike the rest of my cast mates, I know how to rock a tampon string.”
Boss Andy Cohen refused to go on the record with a comment, but an insider source says that Cohen was “more than relieved.” “She’s just a nutcase,” the source told Lynnfam. “And don’t even get me started on her super fans. Cohen’s inbox would fill up with their crazy every time she complained about him on twitter. It was exhausting.”
Glamville claims that it was the abuse that drove her away from the franchise. “I just had enough of the abuse. It was non stop. They called me all sorts of names – a bad mother, a mean drunk, cradle robber, a pill popping cheetoh eater. Cohen compared me to a dog. Bunch of c*nts. Bitch can only take so much. F*uk you bitches. That’s all I want to say. Watch your backs. F*uck you,” she said before taking a gulp of her drink. “And f*uck you too.”
Asked if she has any last words for her castmates, Glumville mumbled,”Yolanda can suck it. It’s her fault I lost it at the reunion, damn bitch went to bed. Kyle is just a c*nt. Rinna needs to eat a cookie, Eileen is mean, and Vanderpump needs to f*uck a 23 year old instead of an old man. And tell Kim I’m blocking her – I’ve had enough of her midnight phone calls.”
What’s next for the blonde beauty? “Don’t worry about me, I have all sorts of offers,” she boasts. “I’ve got an endorsement deal with Tamplex – ‘cus I’ve still got my flow. And I’m a best selling author. I just have to find a new damn ghostwriter. Last bitch I used turned out to be crazier than Kim Rickards.”
I, for one, and going to miss the sexy ex-model and her crazy antics. The show won’t be the same without her. Best of luck Brandy!
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Reunion – Part 1 of 3 – S5E20
Yippie! We made it to the Reunion! Let’s do a happy dance! While we’re at it – We can also play a drinking game tonight – And drink every time someone says “FU*K” or some derivation thereof… No wait… Don’t – Cuz you’ll be sloshed in no time whatsoever! I’m ready to watch tonight ‘cuz I planned ahead and ordered a hazmat suit and plastic wine glasses. Hope you’re protected from the stuff that will likely be tossed around, too!
Okay, it’s got to be tough to figure out what to wear on one of these shows. Honestly, I would love it if everyone wore something that was flattering to their figure and was age appropriate. Also, wouldn’t it be awesome if their makeup accentuated their best features? And gosh, wouldn’t it be amazing if the colors they chose to wear were actually complimentary to their skin tone and hair color thereby causing them to shine?
Instead we got this… Some got it right – Some didn’t. Okay, my next comments are addressed to no one specifically – But you KNOW who you are: 1) While it’s fun to pretend to be pretty, pretty princesses – Sparkly eye shadow and makeup for an interview show like this with harsh lights just ages you; 2) C’mon – Your shoes were all fairly boring – SHAME on all of you; 3) It takes a strong person to wear the color of Pepto Bismal especially when everything you say makes us sick; 4) It would be smart to wear a color that doesn’t make you look dead; 5) Try not to get your hair styled by a minion who knows nothing about what type of hairstyle looks good on you; 6) Please step away from the Botox and any other fillers you might be allegedly using; and, 7) Support CAN be beautiful… Just sayin…(Shout out to Playtex – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GV3DLbkB7A4).
And the Reunion Starts…
Andy greets each housewife individually but he REALLY tries to change it up by not going down the line like he usually does – Instead, he shifts from one couch… to the other… to the other… Ummm… Andy… This is one of the lamest things you do – C’mon… You can be more original, can’t you? It’s like 5 seconds in and I’ve already hit my forehead with the palm of my hand… The most interesting piece of information we got from the introductions was that Eileen thinks that being on this show is more dramatic than what happens on “The Young and the Restless.” And that’s saying something… lol…
Miscellaneous Things We Learned…
~~ Eileen (That Tramp I now Love) and her darling husband (My Boyfriend) have won and lost thousands of dollars betting on sports. I’m shocked… SHOCKED I tell you… What… With him being a cohost of the World Poker Tour and stuff…lol…
~~ Brandi says that Donald Trump’s hair is real. Do we really care?
~~ Brandi’s Dad is doing much better but he may have to have another surgery
~~ Lisa R’s Dad is also sick – He’s 92 and is hanging in there
The attention goes to Yolanda who has suffered a significant relapse with her illness. She breaks down into tears at the mere mention of it. She says that she is trying to weather the storm and that she prays every day that maybe tomorrowwill be a better day. Andy shows kindness to Yolanda by expressing how much effort he knows it took for her to be there with them – And that she’s free to leave at any time. Run, Yolanda, Run!!
I know that some may not believe Yolanda actually has Lyme Disease – But whatever it is – She is actively accessing treatment solutions from other areas of the world since some are not yet approved here in the U.S. – Some treatments involve the use of stem cells which is very controversial and is a whole nuther Oprah – and I’m not even getting into it.
Yolanda talks about how her daughters are in a tough business because you’re judged by the way you look. Ummm… Most of us are judged by the way we look, no? And if it’s such a tough industry – Why did you encourage them to go into it? Oh, right… It’s the money! It’s the travel! It’s the fame! No, I think mostly it’s the crazy money… She has gorgeous daughters who inherited their Mother’s great jeans and genes! Lol. Sorry, I kind of don’t feel too sorry for them… I must admit that I do have some issues with the continual objectification of women – but that, too… Is a whole nuther Oprah… We’re here to talk about the housewives!
The conversation switches over to Kyle and Kim. Kyle says they haven’t spoken in over 3 months. And because Kim is an addict who can’t seem to take accountability for anything, she starts to blame her costars on making matters worse between her and her sister. Kyle disagrees and says that it’s Brandi who has made things hard between them.
Kim then takes out a knife and jabs it through Kyle’s heart when she says that she’s really okay with how things are between them at this point. Ummm… You’re not talking to each other… You have no relationship… And you’re saying you’re okay with that? Whoa… Oh, but fortunately, Kim’s open to working on things together with a therapist if it’s something they decide they want to work through.
Kyle’s requirement is that they only have honest conversations. Now, that may not sound like a lot to the normal person – but she IS talking about Kim who wouldn’t know the truth if it stood up and slapped her in the face.
Andy realizes he needs to change directions and talk about Yolanda because it’s unclear how long she can stay. They play various clips of her and then Andy asks Yolanda why she plays the peacemaker? Yolanda feels that she looks at life with an open heart rather than a judgmental head. Lisa V feels Yolanda makes excuses for Brandi and gives her a pass for her actions.
Yolanda talks about how she thinks it’s easy for all of us to kick Brandi to the curb like a bag of trash. She has said that at least one other time this season. It’s hilarious that she equates Brandi with a bag of trash – But arguably, she just used an analogy we’d all understand. Somehow, Brandi’s mouth is very trashy to me. Makes a note to myself to put “Glad” trash bags on my shopping list just in case the opportunity arises to take out the trash.
Kyle implies that Yolanda excuses Brandi’s actions because she hasn’t been on the receiving end of Brandi’s insults. Kyle thinks it’s a different story when you’ve been directly attacked by Brandi. Kim disagrees (how surprising, no?) and says that she has been on the receiving end – But that there is a time when you can forgive, see the good in someone, and move forward. Okay Kim, you can open your mouth again when you can practice that same forgiving behavior with your own sister. Sit down.
Lisa V brings up the remark Brandi made about Bella and how those kind of low blows are just not acceptable. Yolanda explains that her way to react was not to react. She doesn’t believe in “an eye for an eye” type of philosophy.
Brandi’s pattern of verbally attacking someone when they are trying to talk honestly about a problem was brought up. Yolanda knew exactly what Brandi was doing at that time – That she was consciously trying to divert the story to Yolanda’s daughter. Kyle says the problem was that Brandi diverted the conversation to talk about a 17 year-old who didn’t sign up for this kind of scrutiny.
They talked about how Yolanda seems to be mothering Brandi and about how Lisa V was criticized for it last year. Yolanda says she knows it’s not her job to mother Brandi. Yolanda says she speaks what she feels in her heart. She says they don’t all have to point out how dysfunctional Brandi’s mouth can be. She acknowledges that she wanted Brandi to comply with the 21 Day Cleanse to prove to everyone that she could go 21 days without drinking.
Brandi defends her perpetual drunken state by saying that she needs alcohol in order to be around these women. They talk about whether or not Brandi is a mean drunk. Don’t we have ample footage that would show she’s a mean drunk? Brandi thinks it depends on the company. Eileen, who said that Brandi is a mean drunk says that she’s commenting on her individual experience with Brandi. She tells Brandi that she doesn’t think she can handle her alcohol and that she becomes aggressive, bitchy, not nice and slurry… She said something about being ugly, too – but I was laughing so hard by this point of time I couldn’t hear the TV.
Kim parrots back that she thinks that sometimes when Brandi is drunk that she doesn’t change at all. The hilarious part of this reasoning – Is that IF Kim has seen Brandi in other situations wherein she’s drunk – That means that “these women” are NOT the only reason she drinks, right? And what good friend would get sloshed in front of a good friend who is battling with their own sobriety? After Brandi says something to the effect that she doesn’t have a drinking problem – Lisa V says that it might not be her problem – “But it sure ends up as ours.”
Yolanda was asked what she tried to teach Bella after the DUI. Yolanda responded wanted her to know that she loves her unconditionally and that she would always have her back. She also used the same worn out PR spin that, “There is so much more to Bella than the DUI.” Yolanda says that Bella has to learn the lesson within herself. I dunno… This seemed like a VERY teachable moment to me. I mean I love that Yolanda wants her daughter to know she loves her unconditionally – I guess I just wish there were more teeth to the punishment. I used to get grounded for 2 weeks just for not emptying the dishwasher within 10 minutes of when I was asked to do so… I’m really concerned about a 17-year-old having a DUI. In my opinion, the consequences of her actions should have been really serious… but perhaps we don’t have the whole story even now.
Yolanda says, “My children are no better than anybody else – Even the people who live in Ohio… We all have the same problems.” I’m sure the fine people of Dayton, Ohio LOVE the fact that your supermodel daughters have the same problems as they do. You know – The kind wherein a 17-year-old actually has the money to pay for her own lawyer and the thousands of dollars’ worth of repairs to the car? At 17, I had $1,500 to my name and it was to buy a car, insurance, and pay for my 1st year of college. Yolanda may have grown up with meager beginnings – But her daughters certainly haven’t. However, I am sure teenaged girls no matter their affluence do share some commonalities… But come the heck on… I can remember an episode from a previous season wherein we were told Bella was bellyaching that she only had one horse to ride. Poor kid.
As Yolanda’s time on the reunion ended, she responded to a question from someone who questioned her illness. She doesn’t care about those people… She said, overall, they all tried this season – She even referred to everyone as “The Dream Team.” Yolanda said that life is very lonely and that we all need a community and to look out for each other to make it through. My heart goes out to her. I will pray along with her that I hope her tomorrow is better than today.
The conversation switches and they start talking about Lisa R. A montage of funny clips are played. She talks about her 92-year-old Dad who doesn’t want to leave this earth because it means he will be leaving her mother. Lisa R says she realizes their relationship has changed and that she is now the adult and is taking care of her parents.
Oh Lisa R, I love ya ta pieces – But you drive me crazy when you stay stuff like that… Your parents live in an assisted living home. They live in a different state than you do. You may be taking care of them financially – But you’re NOT “taking care of them” in the same sense that many of us have had to singlehandedly care for our aging parents. It may be similarly overwhelming and hard… But seriously, talk to me again when you’ve had to change their Depends… Or when you’ve been woken up by their heart wrenching scream in the middle of the night when they’ve fallen down trying to walk to the bathroom… Or when you’ve had to crush their morphine pills and sneak them into their Instant Breakfast drinks because they refuse to take their prescribed medicine.
At the time of the taping, Lisa R’s Dad was in the hospital battling pneumonia for the 3rd time in a year. That is just so hard… I think Bravo’s editing purposefully attempted to make it look like Brandi thought Lisa R was playing the “my Dad’s in the hospital” sympathy card. Now I may think Brandi is a lot of things – but I honestly cannot make myself believe that Brandi would think that – Especially because of her own Dad’s current situation.
Lisa R was asked about a comment her daughter made about the people in Medford being “chub, chubs” – referring to their weight or propensity to like fast food. Lisa R said that none of them were proud of that – And that it’s not right to judge other people. The subject was changed and Lisa R gladly confirmed that she made 7 figures for her “Depends” commercial.
Kim does her best to mock Lisa by getting up and twirling around – but she just looks like a childish gooberhead to me. Kim starts blathering on about how doing a “Depends” commercial would be beneath her. We know that Lisa R has already said of herself, “I will do anything to make a buck.” Heck, even Eileen offered to wear “Depends” on her head to make that kind of money.
Kim tries to say that she has more pride than Lisa R and is 100% more discerning when accepting jobs. She says that Lisa R would go a step further than she would. Right… Says the person appearing in, “Sharknado.” Andy astutely points out that Kim was in “Diving with the Stars.” And not only that… But he pointed out that Kim never even actually dived – That she just jumped in over and over again. Kim quickly pointed out that one time she jumped backwards off the high dive. Perhaps, Kim… But you still never actually completed a dive. She just doesn’t get it… Call the elevator repair company – ‘Cuz Kim’s elevator is stuck between floors, again.
To me, the funniest part of the whole night came at this point when Lisa R dropped an ACME anvil on Kim’s superior and egotistical head when Lisa R broke the news to Kim that she in fact, had turned down the offer to be on “Diving with the Stars.” Oh S-N-A-P! I just had to pause the DVR to laff and laff at that one. Ouch… That’s gotta hurt…
The conversation changes and they begin to talk about whether or not Lisa R has an eating disorder. Lisa R explains that she got sick during Christmas and lost 8 lbs. Hey Lisa R, I think I found them – Want them back? Anyhoo… Eileen chimes in that she’s known Lisa R for years and years and that she’s always had a thin physique… I think we can all hate Lisa R just on that one point, no? I kid, I kid… I love me some Lisa R.
Brandi says that she’s not going to say that Lisa R has an eating disorder. How big of you, Brandi. Andy connects the dots and says that Brandi isn’t making a judgment on Lisa R even though Brandi feels like Lisa R has made judgments on her. Brandi is so danged transparent, isn’t she?
Lisa R insists that she doesn’t have an eating problem. Lisa R reminds Brandi that she had texted her and told her that she was anorexic. When Brandi balks at that, she further states that Brandi texted that she wouldn’t want to be with “An anorexic old hag.” Okay… I hope someone comes out with these texts… We’ll see who is lying, no?
In what world does anyone call a co-worker, “An anorexic old hag?” And if she really DOES think Lisa R has a real eating disorder – Why isn’t she showing her any concern? Oh that’s right, because Brandi and Kim don’t care about anyone else but Brandi and Kim.
Somehow Kyle gets involved in this discussion which gets very heated. It results in Kyle telling Brandi that at least she doesn’t walk around with a tampon string hanging down. This is of course, alluding to the infamous picture of Brandi. Brandi shoots back, “Because you don’t get your period, bitch.” Oh come on… I’ve heard this line before. C’mon Brandi… You’ve had all season to prepare for this – Can’t you come up with some original material? And again, may I point out that Kyle was born in 1969 and Brandi in 1972 – So there’s less than a 3 year difference in age… Hardly any room to gloat over having a period. That’s just silly.
There was a weird 90 second fakeout coming out of a commercial wherein everyone is asking for water… Then Andy asks for tea… And Lisa V also asks for tea… I’m not sure why they chose to include this particular footage. Are they trying to demonstrate that Lisa V is demanding or whiney? I dunno… Andy was a little condescending, in my opinion – I mean even Graham Norton (Talk Show Host extraordinaire on BBC America) has each star’s favorite drink ready for them and his show is only an hour long. Come on, Bravo – This is NOT your first rodeo.
After the commercial break they talk about Brandi and Lisa V’s non-existent friendship. Sorry Brandi, she’s just not that into you. After seeing a montage of the back and forth exchanges between the two of them over the season, Andy points out they started the year on the outs with each other from the previous season’s activities. Brandi, our little perpetual victim, says that she demonstrated that she would go to great lengths to be Lisa V’s friend again. But instead, all Lisa V did was insult her. Right… And I guess that calling her a “Menopausal Momma” behind her back at her birthday party wasn’t an insult? Or that you implied she slept with half of L.A.? Or… or… or…
Brandi brings up the fact that Lisa V didn’t bother to reach out to her about her dying Dad. Now, I totally get where Brandi is coming from about this because it would have been very easy for Lisa V to quickly text her or to send out a tweet or something letting her know that her Dad is in her thoughts or something. However, Lisa V doesn’t think it’s her job to console Brandi about her sick Dad – Especially when they’re not even talking. Perhaps not – But it is common decency to care about someone when they’re ill, no? I also get that Lisa V didn’t want to open friendship’s door even a smidgen to Brandi because as she’s explained before that if you give Brandi an inch – She’ll take a mile “every bloody time.” I think Lisa V decided she can live with Brandi being mad at her about this.
Lisa V is asked how it is that she quickly made up with Kyle and Yolanda but that she’s making Brandi work really hard before their friendship is restored. She’s told it seems like she has one set of rules for Brandi and another set for everyone else. Brandi just doesn’t get it, does she? I saw this anonymous quote the other day:
After Brandi says that Kyle’s the one who told her that Lisa V was having an affair with her trainer, that she went bankrupt, and that she lived in Calabasas (oh, the horror of it all)… Kyle asks Brandi what she ever did to her? Brandi tells Kyle that she got physical with her. Wait – Does she mean when her bracelet scraped her during the PokerGate 2015™®©? Ummm… Brandi didn’t like Kyle way before then, no? Kyle calls Brandi a drama queen. Lisa V chimes and says to Brandi, “You say that – But you were happy to slap me around the jaw.”
Kyle continues – You say you hate me because I moved your arm down to get to my sister? Brandi clarifies, “I hate you because you’re horrible.” Brandi then calls Kyle a “Fu**ing C**t.” Again… Is this something you should be calling your boyfriend’s boss’s wife? I mean, who calls someone that to begin with – But seriously, is it smart to be treating your boyfriend’s boss’s wife and your coworker like this especially on National TV? Yikes…
Andy asks Eileen and Lisa V about how they felt about the slap and the wine toss now that they’ve had time to process it and watch it unfold on the show. Eileen says that it felt to her like a weird violation – That she can’t really explain it. Lisa V agreed the commonality in both situations was that they both ended up in tears.
Lisa V reminds us that just 10 minutes before “the slap” that Brandi had said that she slept with half of L.A. Brandi asks Lisa if she thinks she really believes that. Lisa makes the point, “But you SAID it.” Brandi tells Lisa V that she says a lot of things, too. Like what, Brandi? What has Lisa said about you that isn’t true? That you drink too much? Or maybe that you sleep around? Are those untrue statements because we have the footage that would prove otherwise… And some fingerprints on a 23-year old…
And now we’re on the subject I was hoping we wouldn’t talk about tonight. They talk about Max’s 23-year-old friend in Denmark. Brandi proudly says that she fu**ed him both nights and it was great. Lisa V says that he told her that he didn’t have sex with Brandi because she was too drunk. Brandi thinks that Lisa V is just saying that to be mean. Lisa V says that it’s what he told her. Kyle wonders how Brandi has such high standards on being mean…
Brandi says that she thinks that Lisa is just pissed off that that he didn’t want to fu*k her instead… OMG… How warped can you be? The “ICK” factor associated with having sex with your son’s best friend that you’ve known since he was 7 years old is completely off the charts. I think Brandi wanted to screw Lisa V so she literally Amster and Damned the 23-year-old. Brandi confirmed that she has skyped with the kid. She also said he plans to come out here. Of course he does. Can you say, “Sugar Momma”… Yes, yes I KNEW you could…lol. He’s going to be so disappointed…lol.
They talk once again about the slap and Brandi said that she apologized right away – As if that would make it all better. She’s told she keeps taking things further and further.
Then, in possibly one of the most brilliant analogies I’ve ever heard from him, Andy says, “Forgive the comparison – But it’s almost like you’re playing with your dog and all of the sudden your dog bites you by mistake.” OMG… That’s soooooooooooo true…
And Brandi, turns to HER BOSS, and actually says, “Fuck you – Who says that?” Andy clarifies – It’s like you’re playing and it goes one step too far.” Brandi says, “Well that’s bulls**t – You don’t say that.” Clearly, Brandi doesn’t understand the analogy and says, “I’ve taken enough abuse since I’ve been here – I’m not going to take it from you, too.” Andy points out that he was actually defending her. Brandi thinks Lisa V is beating this thing to death. I think it’s hilarious that Brandi doesn’t get it.
Andy asks Brandi if she thinks their friendship is over. Brandi explains that the slap gave Lisa V a reason to hate her forever. Lisa V says that it was a really nasty situation at that time but that she didn’t make a big deal about it. She says that Brandi always goes too far. Andy asks her if she thought she meant it maliciously? Lisa V responds “No” but that it changed the dynamics of their relationship again. Kim backed up Lisa V on this, surprisingly.
Kyle says that she has told Lisa V that she can hold a grudge. Kyle says that she can’t blame Lisa V for not wanting to continue her relationship with Brandi – And if we call that “holding a grudge” then Kyle is holding one, too.
Andy asks what they think the future holds for their friendship. They agree that it’s separate lives. Brandi threatens Lisa V to, “Watch your back.” Lisa V says that she’s sure she has to. Brandi confirms, “You do.” Kyle tells Brandi that she thought she was going to attack Lisa V in a similar way to what Brandi said in her podcast about how she wanted to beat up Kyle when she saw her.
Brandi confirms she would love to and that she has done it a million times in her head. Kyle responds, “Classy.”
They talk more about drinking… Assault and battery… How horrible they think each other is acting… And how Kyle loves Kim as a sister but as a person right now she doesn’t like her very much… Yippie!
Thanks for reading! I think we got through Part 1 fairly unscathed for the most part… I didn’t even throw anything at the TV. Woo hooo! We’ll meet back here next week ready for Part 2… It should be interesting. I don’t think YoYo is going to be back for the rest of the Reunion… So Brandi and Kim will have to fend for themselves. But seriously, having a battle of wits against unarmed people is no fun… Happy Trails! By the way… I’m brand new to twitter – and I’d love to follow you… I’m @StarsNinetyNine (Sorry to those who weren’t able to find me last week)… Tweet… Tweet!