The Shahs – Crunch vs. Munch by SunnyGirl
First we see Mike and Jessica at a Brazilian steak house having dinner with Shervin. (Have you ever eaten at a Brazilian steak house? It’s amaaaazzzzzing!) Those Shahs always eat well. I can’t follow the conversation for looking at the meat that Mike and Shervin are eating.
Shervin brings up the “situation” that happened at the pool party recently. Mike says they have been too busy to talk to the group. Jessica screams (loudly, in a restaurant) and shows Shervin her ring. Shervin congratulates them and then asks if they have told anyone in the group. Mike responds no. He says that he wants to try to mend the relationships with all of them. Jessica is adamant that Mike walk away from the group.
Reza is at Asa’s house and they are by her pool talking about the wedding. He is concerned that they will lose the love between them. He says Adam is sweet and goofy, but not very passionate. Reza thinks all marriages loos the spark after a few years. Asa disagrees and claims that “old people” do it too. Reza decides that he needs to have a discussion about this with Adam.
Next, Shervin, MJ, Asa and Asifa are at The World of Leggings. Yes, there is a leggings store. (Isn’t Lululemon good enough?) They are being silly and laughing while trying to find matching leggings for the dodgeball game that they are going to be playing. They ask if the store carries leggings for men. The clerk responds that they don’t carry “meggings” but that men can wear the women’s version by turning them around for more space. (I always learn something new on The Shahs. I had no idea there were meggings. However, in my defense, I don’t think any of my three adult sons have ever worn meggings so how would I know?)
Soon Asa and MJ are arguing. I am so appalled at the spastic leggings that I can’t really follow the conversation. But while the words are about who gets to choose the leggings, the meaning is that Asa is still upset about the bachelor (bachelorette??) parties. There is the underlying tension and hostility from the discussion at the staycation.
Asa comes into her kitchen to see her family up and getting ready for breakfast. Asa points to a circle on the kitchen rug and says that it is cat pee. Her mother doesn’t seem to be upset about it. Asa says cat pee smells and you can’t get rid of it. (Asa is right.) Her mother continues to ignore Asa about the cats. In the background, you can hear Asa’s father laughing.
Now they sit down to eat breakfast. Asa says her dream is to have a large piece of land, grow her own food and have all of her family live together. Her mother says hell, no! She says her cats are homesick.
GG and MJ are together at GG’s condo. They have certainly mended their relationship since prior seaons. MJ says GG is going through a long, dry spell with men. MJ tells GG she has crossed her legs too tight! MJ sets GG up on a matchmaking site.
Reza and Adam are having “the” talk. Reza starts out talking about getting an email from his attorney, asking him to consider a prenuptial agreement. Reza asks Adam how he feels about it. Reza says he want to spell everything out in case a breakup happens so that they don’t get nasty with each other. Adam agrees. Reza looks at Adam and says they don’t legally have to get married, if Adam is uncomfortable. Then Reza segues into the “passion” talk. He tells Adam that they really need to spice up the sex life. Word to Reza – don’t talk prenups and not legally getting married and then expect Adam to feel very passionate.
It’s nice to see Mike and Asa trying to work through their relationship issues, after the pool party debacle. Asa says that she found out Mike was engaged through Instagram. Then Asa begins asking Mike several questions about what happened in Turkey. Mike says it’s a lie. He says he is saddened by his friends who don’t believe him. Asa responds that she doesn’t see a reason that GG would make something up. She asks Mike if he and GG were in the same room. Mike looks very uncomfortable and takes a long time to respond. Finally, he says that he doesn’t remember. Asa in her TH says that Mike was acting very fishy and that she didn’t feel any sincerity coming from him. I got the same feeling from Mike.
I am not even going to tell you about the naked guy in the pool. With a hairy backside. Not worth mentioning.
Now MJ and GG are having a girl’s night. MJ talks about dodgeball. GG asks if Mike is coming. MJ says Mike is a scared man and hiding like Nixon. Then MJ talks about how it’s become so competitive between her and Asa.
MJ tells GG her problem is that she treats men like they are disposable. GG responds that she feels like she should have been born a man. They look over the men in the restaurant. MJ likes hairy men; GG likes men with tattoos. So they conduct a scientific experiment. They call over two men – one with tattoos and one without. MJ asks what the size of their “packages” are. They continue to ask questions. Finally, they deem that tattoo guy won the contest. MJ says she wants to find a normal guy for GG.
Now we see the gang heading toward the gym for their dodgeball game. What the hell does Reza have on his face? And who picked out those leggings? I can’t even figure out what is going on because I’m appalled that all of the Shahs are wearing the same weirdly printed leggings. There is a spirited game of dodgeball that they all seem to enjoy. (Note – Mike and Jessica were not at dodgeball.)
The Shahs end after MJ and Asa have a talk. MJ says that she is sorry; that she was wrong. MJ cries. Asa, instead of accepting the apology and offering her own, tells MJ that sometimes she turns into Vida. MJ says Asa is condescending. They agree to openly talk to each other.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Reunion – Part 2 of 3 – S5E21
So this week we watched Part 2 of the Reunion trilogy. I tend to get very anxious when I watch these Reunion Shows – I’m just not a fan of conflict without resolution. These shows have become more like shouting-laden grudge matches because by the time they film them, the women have seen what each other had been saying behind their backs in their snarky talking head (TH) interviews all season long. I think they should gather all the women together and put them all into a vat of strawberry Jell-O and let them really go after each other. It would accomplish about the same thing as these shows, no? (Tip: Use Jell-O made especially for Jell-O Wrestling because otherwise the Jell-O will begin to break down too quickly. It is also harder to make and keep Jell-O at the proper temperature. At least that’s what’ve I’ve heard… Not that I would know from any first-hand experience or anything…)…lol.
Home Wrecker vs. Homemaker
Eileen’s learned the hard way that what is said to her face isn’t what is actually going on. Brandi started out as a super fan of Eileen after watching her for years and years on soap operas – But then she really turned on her. Who here is surprised? Brandi said she learned from the internet that Eileen (That Tramp I now love) and Vince (My Boyfriend) met while they both were married. Given Brandi’s personal history, it is completely understandable to me that Brandi would be especially pissed off about that.
Since Brandi made such a big deal about it, Eileen had to talk to her children about their situation. Eileen explains, “When the tabloids called my husband’s ex-wife, she said, ‘Eileen and I are great friends – She’s an amazing stepmother.’ And she hung up.” Eileen tells Brandi she’s hanging up on her. Eileen advises Brandi to make things better with her ex-husband’s wife for the sake of their children. I think since Eileen, Vince, and their ex’s had moved forward with their lives – That they miscalculated how going on a reality show like this would drudge all that history back up. Plus, Brandi made a big commotion about it in her TH interviews. But, my boyfriend evidently made it all better by assuring Eileen that she was a “homemaker” and not a “home wrecker.” Gotta love that…
Unfortunately, Brandi’s incapable of having an adult conversation about her real issues with Eileen and instead acts out against her over and over again all season long. She throws wine on her, makes fun of her house, calls her a home wrecker, says she wants to have sex with her husband, etc. When Andy asks Brandi what she thinks about Eileen – Brandy attempts to treat Eileen dismissively by saying that she really doesn’t think about her. Is that a gooberhead thing to say or what? When Andy asks Eileen about Brandi, she takes the high road (didn’t we all know that she would) and says some nice stuff that I can’t make myself type.
Andy asks Brandi who should leave the show and (of course) Brandi said that Eileen should leave because she doesn’t bring much to the table. I start screaming at the TV. Really, Brandi, I hate it when you act like an ignorant twit. If we take out Kim’s sobriety storyline – What on earth would be yours for the season? A housewarming party and a couple of stupid podcasts? Big whoop. Sit yourself down. You unfiltered numbskull. By the way, BIG THANKS to Kit9 for doing such an excellent job on recapping Brandi’s podcasts so we don’t have to subject ourselves to listening to them!
Andy tried to find out why Brandi threw the wine at Eileen in the first place. Brandi responded, “I guess I wasn’t thinking.” Wow… Brandi has never said truer words this entire season than that… She also tried to explain that she was “caught in a moment.” But since Brandi said “sorry” – All should be forgiven, right? Brandi tells Eileen that she’s admitted to being an a**hole to her and that she’s said she’s sorry. Eileen tells Brandi – but “Then you keep being an a**hole.” I almost died laffin’… And then I stood and wildly applauded.
Assault and Battery, Bit**
Of course they talked about Lisa R throwing the wine glass in Amsterdam. Brandi maintains that if she had done it that she would have heard about incessantly. I do believe she’s right that the others would have never let something like that go so easily if Brandi was the culprit – The difference is that Lisa R was clearly provoked into action by a wackadoo Kim while Brandi was just plain wackadoo. Also, Lisa R generally seems to be great about genuinely apologizing when she’s out of line and she OWNS what she does. We’ve all learned you’ve got to “OWN IT” right?
The conversation moved to original Kim’s provoking attack against Harry. Lisa R said that Kim violated Harry’s character when she intimated they were harboring some deep dark secret about Harry or what he has done. In Amsterdam, when Kim said, “Let’s not talk about what you don’t want out” – Lisa R went into complete protective mode. Lisa R flat out asks Kim to tell the world what Harry did – And Kim stubbornly said that she wouldn’t do that to Lisa and their children. Lisa R tries to get Kim to say it by saying she’s just being chicken… Lisa R starts to guess about what it could be… “Did he f*** a dog?” lol… It finally comes out that it’s just something Kim heard on the streets… Which really could be just about anything… I start inexplicably singing, “Rumor Has It” by Adele. Dagnabit… When is her new album coming out, anyway?
Brandi thinks the difference between what she did to Eileen (throwing a couple of inches of wine) and what Lisa R did (throwing the wine and the glass itself) is “Assault and Battery, Bit**.” According to Kyle, Brandi has made some very threatening statements about the bodily harm she’d like to do to Kyle. Lisa R seems to have sent some not so great texts to Brandi. Brandi seems to think that threatening something and doing something about it are 2 different things. Of course they are – but you can get into a lot of trouble with just threats… I think they all should become familiar with the following California Penal Code:
California Penal Code 422 PC
- (a) Any person who willfully threatens to commit a crime which will result in death or great bodily injuryto another person, with the specific intent that the statement, made verbally, in writing, or by means of an electronic communication device, is to be taken as a threat, even if there is no intent of actually carrying it out, which, on its face and under the circumstances in which it is made, is so unequivocal, unconditional, immediate, and specific as to convey to the person threatened, a gravity of purpose and an immediate prospect of execution of the threat, and thereby causes that person reasonably to be in sustained fear for his or her own safety or for his or her immediate family’s safety, shall be punished by imprisonment in the county jail not to exceed one year, or by imprisonment in the state prison.
IT’S PRISON, BIT**. I’d watch out Brandi, orange is a much better color on Lisa R than it is on you. Plus, Lisa R’s 20 year old hairstyle would probably do much better in prison than yours would. I do have to admit that you both would be able to pull off the jumpsuit look with style. And the upside for Brandi would be that at least she wouldn’t have to worry about a wardrobe malfunction for once in her life.
I Somehow Long for the Days When Kim Loved Turtles
Up until the glass throwing in Amsterdam – The most heinous thing Lisa R had done to Kim was to express that she was concerned about Kim’s sobriety and about how she was doing. Lisa R’s sister and two brothers-in-law died from alcohol and/or drug related addictions. She is acutely aware firsthand of the how addiction can spiral into horrible and premature death. This isn’t funny to her – Nor is it merely a playful storyline on a pretend reality show. Since Kim was evasive and because Kim’s actions thus far contradicted Kim’s assertions that she was doing perfectly fine – Lisa R pressed the issue.
Once you know someone might be in imminent danger of crashing their lives against the rocks of reality – Doing nothing is no longer an option. Lisa R’s one-on-one meeting with Kim’s bestie Brandi did nothing but to confirm her worst fears about how Kim was really doing and to solidify her resolve to intervene before it was too late. Lisa R talks to Kim directly about her concerns. She talks to her good friend Eileen about it. She and Eileen agree that once they saw Kim’s wackadoodleness firsthand that her sobriety became their business. They didn’t want something horrible to happen to Kim – Not on their watch.
In this part of the reunion, Kim mockingly says that Lisa R is “an expert” which Lisa R quickly dismisses. She may not be an expert, but she has a lot of personal experience in dealing with addicts.
Because evidently I’m a masochist, I rewatched the RHOBH reunion show that first aired back in February 2012. I know, I know, silly me. But it was the reunion when Kim didn’t actually attend the reunion itself but instead was independently interviewed by Andy because she had just gotten out of rehab. I learned some very interesting things that I think shed some light on this season’s circumstances.
1) This was Kim’s 3rd rehab experience. Kim expressed that at least she’s trying.
2) When asked why she was in rehab – Kim said it was because she was an alcoholic. However, she was evasive about how long she has been an alcoholic – She simply said, “A while.” She did not mention anything about drugs – At all.
3) Kim told Andy the treatment center had given her some anti-anxiety pills. If this is true, it may somewhat explain why she doesn’t see that taking medication is a “slip” in her sobriety. Pre-rehab, on that season’s “Your Face or Mine” episode wherein Paul was part of a “Night of Beauty” for the women, Kim revealed that she was currently taking Trazodone, Topamax, and Lexapro. She tells Andy it’s for severe anxiety and panic disorder.
This season, it’s clear that Kim doesn’t consider taking Monty’s pain medication constitutes “a slip” in her sobriety. In Kim’s twisted thinking, she thinks it’s somehow okay to take a terminally ill cancer patient’s prescription because she had been in pain for so long. She doesn’t think it’s “a slip” because she had a reason for doing it. Nothing is said about how she lied about it. She told Brandi she didn’t know exactly what the medication was that she took. I think that’s bologna – I think Kim knew EXACTLY what she was taking but just didn’t want the world to know. Even Brandi knew that was a no-no because of the way medications can interfere and react to each other.
4) Kim was asked if there had been some kind of an intervention that had lead her into going to rehab. Kim explained how on the day after Thanksgiving, that her daughter had gone to other “family members” and said that she thought her Mom should “go away.” Kim quickly asserted she had already made that decision herself.
Kim seems highly sensitive to the word “intervention.” In the finale, Brandi wrongly claimed she had never used that word in her life. While it’s true that Brandi never actually stated she thought Kim specifically needed an intervention – She clearly implied and even insisted to Lisa R that Kim’s situation was tenuous – More than anyone even knows. Brandi conveniently omits ever telling Kim about the specifics of that conversation she had with Lisa R. Instead Brandi paints it with a broad stroke of “worrying” about Kim. In the finale, Kim assures Brandi that friends “worry” about each other. If you use Kim’s own rationale, then perhaps Lisa R and Eileen are, in fact, the BEST friends she has on this show, no?
5) Before she got sober – Kim said that her kids basically stopped coming over and speaking to her. She said it was because it was so difficult for them to see her when she was down and out. However now, after rehab – That’s all changed.
In this Season’s, “Amster-Damn” episode, Kim expresses that she thinks if her children ever thought that she was drinking or using that they would walk away from her in a heartbeat. This explains to me why all season long it felt like Kim was grasping at her alleged sobriety with both hands. In AA, if you “slip” you start over in counting how long you’ve been sober. I’m just guessing, but it seems like Kim’s kids may have given her an ultimatum of some sort – as many well-intentioned friends or family members end up giving to the alcoholic in their lives. It rarely works – but it’s a last straw.
6) That season, Brandi accused Kim of being in the bathroom all night taking crystal meth. Brandi boasted on that reunion show that it was probably helpful to Kim in the long run because “they” actually had to deal with it once Brandi put it out there. It really felt like Brandi was taking credit for Kim being in rehab. Kyle immediately jumped in and responded, “No offence, but it had nothing to do with you.”
In talking to Andy, Kim reiterated that what Brandi had done to her and her family had not been helpful at all. Brandi’s words hurt all the people she loved. Kim explained how one daughter just cried and the other said it was hard for her to walk down the streets. Kim said that she would never forget nor forgive Brandi for her comments – They were too detrimental to her family. Andy specifically asks, “But you will never forgive her?” Kim responds, “No, I won’t – What she did was just horrible.”
7) Kyle was the one who first suggested that Kim be on the RHOBH. Kyle joined Andy and Kim at the end of their interview and said that she believed RHOBH had actually helped their relationship. They talked about Kyle telling the world about Kim’s alcoholism that fateful night in the limousine – And Kim said that it was a release of information that they both had in their heads.
8) Kim and Kyle talked about how all of their children are very close. Kim’s kids consider Kyle to be their 2ndmother – But Kim doesn’t think Kyle’s children think the same about her. Kyle politely disagrees. Hand that woman an Oscar.
During this reunion show, there was a heartbreaking exchange between Kim and Kyle. Kyle seems to imply that Kim either already has disinvited Kyle to Brooke’s wedding or that she’s threatening to do so. This must be a 2nd wedding – I think the first was put together quickly so that the ailing Monty could walk Brooke down the aisle while he still could. There is also some talk about how Kyle did something really horrible at Brooke’s first wedding. Perhaps we’ll hear more about that in Part 3 of the Reunion.
Kim also threatens to tell some secret about what one of Kyle’s kids has done. I couldn’t tell if this was regarding the dog bite incident or not – But Kim also completely minimizes Kingsley’s bite. Normal dog owners would be apologizing profusely.
Through tear-filled eyes, Kyle tells Kim that she’s, “So fu**ing mean!” Kyle wants Kim to leave her alone.
9) Kim made a comment about how Kyle has put her through just as much as she’s put Kyle through. Okay, you just had to laff at that one, no?
Brandi’s Prewritten Putdowns
It’s completely understandable that the women come to these reunion shows with an idea of how they will answer certain questions when they are asked – or how they want to explain their actions from all season long – I know I would… However, it is painfully clear that some must have gotten their writer friends together to brainstorm potential put-downs for their co-stars.
~~ Brandi yells at Lisa R that she’s had the same hairdo for 20 years after bringing up that Lisa R said that Brandi looks like a trashy mom in a recent interview. Lisa R insisted that it was just a joke and that Brandi needed to get a sense of humor. Lisa R stood up and did a very fun “double standard dance.” It’s the new rage.
~~ At one point Brandi tells Lisa V that she must be selling their house because magically Kyle and Lisa V have gotten to be really close friends again. This is alluding to previous seasons wherein many of us joked about how Kyle befriends people so Mauricio could get a real estate commission off of them – And then drops them once their house is sold. If you look closely, Lisa V is trying her hardest not to laff at this…
~~ Brandi tells Lisa R she should change her “depends” because she’s so full of s***. I admit I laffed at that one. Lisa R fired back about how Brandi should go after a tampon endorsement. Brandi said that she’s working on it.
Other Fun Things We Learned
~~ Lisa V was asked about why she just didn’t pay for her son Max’s electricity bill when his power was turned off. Lisa V explained that Max only works 4 or 5 shifts and week and why should she be paying his electricity bill? She thinks he should pull another couple of shifts – or he could take a cold shower and light a candle.
~~ She was also asked about why she doesn’t just give him a better paying job – And she’s adamant about him working his way up and learning all the jobs. We all know he will be managing the place someday, don’t we? She wants him to have the respect of his coworkers.
~~ When Lisa R asked Brandi about why she does all the mean things she does and asks if something happened to her as a child – Brandi got all offended and said she had wonderful childhood, thank you very much. Kim chimes in that Brandi’s parents are great. It’s too bad the follow-up question wasn’t asked, “Oh, so there’s no real reason for your assholedness then, right?”
~~ At one point, Eileen points out that she drives a Ford Flex and Lisa V positively looked as if she had never even heard of a “Ford” before in her entire royal life. It was hi.la.rious.
~~ When Brandi was criticizing Eileen for her life choices, Eileen wanted to confirm that Brandi was the “moral compass” of the show. There was so much irony in that statement that Robert Downey Jr. suddenly showed up on the reunion set as “Iron Man.”
Well… That’s it for last week’s Reunion Show – Only one more show to go! We can do this… We can do this! Thanks for reading! Happy Trails!
Happy Birthday Stellastarz
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