Real Housewives of New York City
“Battle of the Brunches” – S7E3
Remember Last Week…
LuAnn had a fireside sale of her old Hampton’s home… Everything must go! You can take a door knob and a faucet if you like since the house will be torn down. The Countess is now slumming it in Sag Harbor where is somehow beneath Sonja’s pretentious sensibilities. And under the title “Things you never thought you’d see” – Ramona sincerely apologizes to LuAnn for being a pain in the ass to her during the time LuAnn was experiencing a cheating husband and resulting divorce…
Ramona banished Sonja from the room she usually stays in (She had already given that one to her good friend Dorinda) and Ramona made Sonja sleep in the dungeon… Well, more like a basement…lol… We learned Carole is attracted to attractive young chefs named Adam… Sonja got caught smuggling beer into LuAnn’s party – But she didn’t bring enough to share – Only what would fit into her purse… and Ramona got flippy when there was more than one brunch option for the group.
Remember they were talking about brunch and the Countess wanted to go somewhere on a boat and Bethenny wanted to know what people really wanted to do – Did they want to go to a restaurant or she offered up the option of everyone going to her house. Sonja was right next to Bethenny and seemed to really like the idea of seeing Bethenny’s house for the first time – but Ramona butted in and said that Sonja would NOT be going because she is a guest of Ramona’s… Bethenny saw the crazy in Ramona and bolted. Ramona ran after her and tried to apologize but instead just succeeded in being very condescending and thus widening the rift between the two of them.
Oh goodie – This entire episode has been set up as BrunchGate 2015™®©. It seems that Bravo wants the women on the show and the viewers to choose which brunch we’d like to go to…
Option 1: Brunch with Bethenny in the house that Skinny Girl built. The outside of her house is picture perfect with brightly colored red Adirondack chairs and a welcoming red front door. Wait… wouldn’t that mean Bethenny ISN’T actually homeless? I’m shocked… Honest I am. Inside there are fun red Skinny Girl accents and strategically placed promotional products as far as the eye can see.
I mean everywhere you look there’s Skinny Girl product of some sort… Heck, in the bathroom there might even be a Skinny Girl toilet seat. But do you have to be skinny to use it? I wonder if there’s a Skinny Girl scale… hmmm… That would be kind of weird, no? It’s actually quite hilarious, because you just know Bethenny must host many Skinny Girl promotional events in that house. I giggle as I remember Bethenny’s shrink wrapped Skinny Girl car… that was fun! She’s smart that way… Never miss an opportunity for product promotion I always say. By the way, I do hope you all have ordered the Stars99 “SnarkFest 2015™®©” toilet paper (Which surprisingly coordinates well with Bethenny’s Skinny Girl toilet seat) and T-shirts I currently have on sale. Get them while you can – They’re selling fast…
But don’t we all know that Bethenny is on this show for predominately one reason – To promote her products? I think that’s why it was so important to her for the women to come to her house for brunch… Well, that is until Ramona rained on her parade. It was a “business” brunch for Bethenny. It was a pissing match for Ramona. Ramona is prolly gonna lose this one – Cuz Bethenny has some pretty big balls (Excuse the vulgarity – Please remember that I’m coming off of blogging RHOBH for the last several weeks… I will get less vulgar… At least I hope so…lol).
Option 2: Ramona insisted the women meet her at a local restaurant (75 Main) at 11:30 for Sundaybrunch even after she was made aware of Bethenny’s competing invitation. Since no one had received her previous email invitation, Ramona must have quickly googled how to send a brunch evite because magically all the women received their invitations the next morning. People seemed to want to get back to the city later that afternoon – So I guess that’s why there wasn’t enough time to stagger the events. Oh, and Bravo wants drama.
Ramona attempted to draw a line in the sand and force the women choose between the two of them. Ramona added to her invitation that she was giving the brunch in honor of her “dear friend Dorinda” to further guilt them into joining her party. Of course, Sonja and Dorinda attended Ramona’s brunch because they were already a captive audience since they stayed at Ramona’s house. Ramona’s sister, Tanya, also attended – Is she angling to be a housewife? I’m sure one of you will know for sure…
However, the other women could read the writing on the wall from a mile away and LuAnn suggested that they NOT choose but instead attend both brunches. Bethenny was described as “The Rock” and Ramona was described as “The Hard Place.” Lol! Carole was not happy with this solution because she would rather go to no brunches at all and instead go off boating with Adam the hot chef, but alas – She must work so heigh ho, heigh ho, it’s off to brunch they go. It’s tough work but someone’s gotta do it.
Kristen, Heather and Carole expressed they were quite confused by Bethenny’s reaction to Ramona the night before and asked LuAnn if Bethenny is a drama queen. LuAnn then fills them in on an inside scoop as to why Bethenny might have reacted the way she did to Ramona.
Evidently, when Ramona appeared on Bethenny’s talk show, she had spilled something on her dress and so she borrowed one of Bethenny’s designer dresses but never returned it. Everyone is incredulous that Bethenny would hold a grudge over a dress (Bethenny confirmed later she was indeed not mad at this situation at all but was cranky about the brunch thang). However, it was also pointed out that Ramona has done this same thing before. Carole cattily says, “It seems to be a pattern with Ramona – Stealing dresses – Thank God she’ll never fit into one of mine.” Meow… Actually, I think that was a pretty mean comment and one that is even questionable – But I refuse to enter into a debate over the nuance of dress sizes of stick figures with boobs.
Ramona, Sonja, Dorinda, and Tanya arrive at the restaurant at the appointed time and dutifully wait for the others to arrive. LuAnn had messaged that she would be late – but they hadn’t heard one way or another from the other women. Honestly, I kind of think the rest of them thought LuAnn was speaking on behalf of all of them who had stayed together at LuAnn’s house. It was certainly a group decision led by LuAnn. So the waiting begins…
While they’re waiting, Sonja brings up the subject of Bethenny’s brunch and says that they were all invited. Ramona clearly does not think she was invited. When they discussed brunch plans as a group the night before it did seem like it was a general blanket invitation to everyone to brunch at Bethenny’s house. Bethenny confirms it in her Talking Head (TH) interview.
Sonja asks Ramona about her confrontation with Bethenny. Ramona says that tried to apologize to Bethenny about their brunch miscommunication but that Bethenny “Bit my head off.” Ramona says that Bethenny “got very verbally abusive” to her… OMG… Really? I’m so tired of women throwing around highly-charged words like that because it diminishes their meaning when they’re used in a real world context. Let me get this straight, Ramona… You were verbally abused while talking about a Sunday brunch in the Hamptons… Cry me a river… I’m surprised Ramona uses these volatile words so flippantly knowing Ramona’s background. The next thing we’ll hear is that Bethenny attempted to bully the women into going to brunch at her house. Puhleeze. It’s truly insulting to victims of abuse.
Sonja is not convinced Ramona actually apologized and so she asked where the “but” was in her apology… Ramona gets 2 inches away from Sonja’s face and says, “I don’t do ‘buts’ anymore.” Okay, so this is the first occurrence this season of seeing Ramona’s crazily expressive eyes…lol. Meanwhile, Dorinda asks for extra Worcestershire sauce and salt for her drink right away cuz they’ve been there for like 10 seconds and she can already tell she’s gonna need it.
Kristin, Heather, LuAnn, and Carole are all at Bethenny’s house chatting away. Carole and Kristen decide they want a Skinny Girl blender to take home with them. Bethenny does not bat an eye. Carole asks, with her tongue solidly in her cheek, if she has a toaster oven. LuAnn says she should invent a Skinny Girl Toaster Oven… And I fall on the floor laughing. Bethenny asks about whatever happened to Sonja’s toaster oven and she was told there wasn’t any toaster oven at all…
Carole thinks it would be a great idea to think of a new product for Sonja but Heather really disagrees… Bethenny is told that Sonja says she has a ten thousand things going on but that really, nothing is really going on at all. Bethenny uses the terminology, “delusions of grandeur” to describe Sonja. She is assured that the word “delusional” comes up a lot regarding Sonja.
Heather tries her best to explain how Sonja is a little bit all over the place… Bethenny simplistically thinks Sonja just needs to get organized… She thinks Sonja just needs a “Come to Jesus” moment. It’s obvious that Bethenny has NOT seen the last couple of seasons of this show, right? Lol… Heather will give Bethenny a gold medal if she can focus Sonja somehow… She’s been down that road with Sonja and says, “It’s a long road to nowhere.”
As the easy, breezy brunchsters leave to go from one brunch to the other, they make sure they take plenty of Skinny Girl swag to go. Surprisingly, they actually do take blenders, etc. Bethenny seemed only too pleased to generously pawn off some of her products on them. I know everyone loves free stuff – But it’s always weird to me that people of means jump at this kind of stuff. Really, how many blenders does one really need? I guess you can give them away, use them for camping or something or better yet – Re-gift them for your niece’s wedding from which you’re now disinvited (Poor Kyle… Sorry everyone… I had a RHOBH flashback right then…) – but come the heck on. At our wedding, part of our centerpieces were kewl sandcastles – And we had one person actually try to take 5 of them. Are you kidding me? Who does this stuff?
As time ticks away, Ramona wonders where the other ladies are and has a feeling they aren’t going to show up. They receive a heads-up call that the others will be there in 5 minutes which is actually an hour and a half late – maybe even 2 hours late. Now, Dorinda has to leave to go back to the city and she’s pissed off. Dorinda says, “I mean, no one ever showed up – We didn’t have any food – And I just listened to these old bitches fight the whole time.” Yikes! I wonder how Ramona and Sonja will like hearing her refer to them like that… Sonja has to leave soon, too so she can be home with her daughter. LuAnn says she needs to get back to her son, too… And in absolutely the saddest moment of this entire episode, Ramona mentascentally says that she has no one to go home to… Ouchies. You can really feel her pain – It’s palpable.
Dorinda and “What’s His Name” (Can you tell I don’t like him? Lol…) are on a daytime date at some Italian restaurant (Gina’s). We’re told they’ve been dating for 2 ½ years – So I guess I was wrong about him dating Dorinda just because he wanted his business to be showcased on a reality show. He seems to really love public displays of affection (PDA) and Dorinda is not having any of it and tells us that she doesn’t like tongue as an appetizer. Plus, it’s just gross because it feels like he’s just mugging over and over again for the camera – It’s like he’s auditioning for future girlfriends or something. I dunno… Maybe I’m wrong, but this entire episode did absolutely nothing to change my mind about him.
The date takes a sour turn when “What’s His Name” takes a business call during their date. Dorinda is not happy about this and makes a big deal about it. I think it’s hilarious because he’s obviously taking the call for the sake of the cameras – I dunno – Does this make him look successful? I do happen to agree with Dorinda, that if you’re eating a meal with someone that you don’t answer your phone unless it’s a prearranged call or an emergency. She’s right – It’s rude. However, I would have handled it differently and I certainly wouldn’t have gotten on the phone with the person. This just cannot be the first time this has come up during their 2 ½ years of dating so I think this was all just for dramatic effect.
Bethenny meets with the same construction team she used to renovate her Tribeca apartment. She bought this new apartment for 4.2 million and is trying to quickly create a family home. She knows the construction guy is nuts but she also knows that he executes well. There is an adjacent apartment available but she says she doesn’t have the money at the moment to buy it. She also has a new designer who will be running interference for her a little with the construction team. In the whirlwind of this short segment it seemed like she wanted a whole lot of marble – Cuz you know, nothing says homey like a lot of cold marble. The designer is hopeful they will all survive. Dream on.
LuAnn takes the plunge and visits Ramona’s house. She hasn’t been there since the peace summit was attempted between Jill and Bethenny several seasons ago. I wonder why we’re seeing footage of Jill at this point… Hmmm… As they lunch on a seafood cobb salad, LuAnn finds out that Ramona’s dog is visiting Mario at the moment. They talk about Ramona’s divorce and LuAnn asks how much Avery knows about the whole situation. Ramona says that Avery knows everything. Avery insists that this Mario is not the man who raised her and she’s mad. Ramona is shocked she is at this place at this point in her life. She said that their family had something beyond special and everyone knew it.
Part of me winces at this statement because most of us saw Mario’s roving eye from the beginning. He would just tune out Ramona as he watched other women out of the corner of his eye – It seemed like whenever anyone talked to him, that he was one of those people you felt like never gave them his undivided attention – Well, at least that’s what I saw.
Ramona says that they had it so good for so long – LuAnn tells her to hold on to those memories. Ramona feels like this is all very humiliating. Oh Ramona, HE’s the jerk, not you. It’s humiliating to HIM – You have nothing to be embarrassed about at all – HE’s the one who didn’t respectfully leave a marriage when he clearly had already divorced his feelings from you a long time ago. I sincerely doubt there is one person who looks disparagingly on you about this situation at all. I mean I guess I understand it being embarrassing because you’re in the public eye and all – but let HIM take on that embarrassment – It has his name written all over it. This is HIS circus and HE is the clown.
Ramona explains to LuAnn that Mario wants to work it out but when Ramona refuses that he gets angry. Ramona has filed for divorce. Ramona is dating but doesn’t seem to like to call it “dating.” Ramona is just trying to enjoy the moments as they come without overthinking them. For the first time in her life, Ramona is just going with the flow with no plan, no direction and no control. LuAnn and Ramona are so glad they had this discussion. LuAnn confesses she knows that Mario is on some dating sites because one of her friends was matched up with him. Ramona says this doesn’t bother her – Unless the site was “grindr” (an online dating site to find local gay, bi and curious guys for dating or friendship).
There was a short snippet wherein Dorinda was cast in a very bad light. It feels like Dorinda may have pissed off someone in production or something – Because she really didn’t come out very well in tonight’s episode. Dorinda was the first to arrive at a restaurant and she sat down at a huge booth. She called for a man wearing a crisp white shirt and purple tie to come over and take her coat. The man, who happens to be black, said that he didn’t work there. As we’ve discussed on this blog before, people do this to me in stores and restaurants all the time. They ask me questions, etc. and sometimes I play along and sometimes I don’t. I don’t happen to be black but I’m sure if I was green it would still happen to me. The only purpose of this scene was for us to see this terrible blunder of the new girl. Dorinda does NOT help herself out when she volunteers additional information that one time she put $5 into the coffee cup of a guy in a wheelchair – It turns out the guy was an attorney waiting for a bus to go to work and because of her he had to go get a new cup of coffee.
Heather, LuAnn and Bethenny meet at a restaurant. Heather explained she was overdressed because she just did a segment on MSNBC that was kind of like a mini “Shark Tank” (the TV show) kind of thing. She explained how she and the other experts gave advice to those who were pitching their ideas about how they could refine their pitch so they would be funded more easily.
After the requisite fish tank references were explored, the conversation steered around to Ramona and Bethenny. Bethenny does NOT want Ramona to be in her face – and she makes a hand gesture. Ramona is very intense for Bethenny who continues to carry on a conversation with Ramona (Who is NOT there) when Bethenny says, “Get off my jock!” Heather continues to talk about Ramona but Bethenny has already had way too much conversation about Ramona. There is something wonky going on between Bethenny and Heather. It will be interesting to see this unfold in the upcoming episodes…
It’s pretty funny to watch Bethenny and Heather try to communicate with each other. I think Heather thinks she’s on an equal playing field as Bethenny since they are both women entrepreneurs. However, I think Bethenny may just think that Bethenny is “Up there” and Heather is “Down there.” It’s just a feeling I have… But the alpha women are already competing with each other to be top dog. I wonder which bitch will win ($1 into the cussin’ jar, I know, I know…).
LuAnn organized a “Girl’s Night Out” for all the single or unattached women in the group. That means that Heather, Kristen and Dorinda were not invited. LuAnn happened to run into Kelly Bensimon (That’s right… The gummy bears and jelly bean loving, Scary Island protagonist, cartwheeling Kelly who calls on the name of Al Sharpton for no apparent reason) and so she invited her to join them for this event.
Ramona and Sonja were happy to see Kelly again and greeted her with open arms. It was all fun and games until Bethenny showed up. She took one look at Kelly and went straight to the bar. In her TH Bethenny says, “Really, Kelly Bensimon? That’s so 2000 and who cares…” lol.
Bethenny soon became surrounded by men and LuAnn noticed that she wasn’t coming over to the table. LuAnn goes over to talk to Bethenny who calls out LuAnn for not giving her a heads up that Kelly would be there. LuAnn implies that it was all very last minute – But Bethenny makes the point of reminding LuAnn that she had asked just the day before who exactly was going to be there and LuAnn purposefully omitted telling her about Kelly’s attendance. Bethenny thinks it was a little slithery of LuAnn. LuAnn admits she should have told her and they make up and move forward. Bethenny goes over and cordially greets Kelly and I believe I felt the earth stop rotating for a moment.
Okay, so this “Girl’s Night Out” is happening at a very well-known pickup joint. Those who know this area and this place should chime in on if it’s Cougar Town or not – because I’m telling you these women were pouncing on some very young meat to the point of embarrassment. I don’t like it when older men go after young things and I don’t like it when older women going after young things… It just feels desperate – Especially at a place like this. Now, having said that, I know that age is often not a thing – Heck, I married a man who is 7 years younger than me. I don’t know if it’s the cameras, the alcohol, or what… But I kind of didn’t like the women on the prowl. I’m not a fan of Sonja sitting on a young man’s lap. It probably makes me a prude. But oh well, I think I can live with that.
Ramona is just starting to figure out how to flirt with men and she’s amazed that all it takes is a little eye contact and men will come over and talk with her. Ramona may be ready to date but I’m not so ready to see her date. It just feels weird to me. I know Ramona always had a flirty side to her – But this was a little different. Sonja and LuAnn both nab some young guys. I just shiver.
The weird part about this is that Dorinda’s boyfriend suddenly shows up. The girls ask him why he’s there without Dorinda – and he tries to explain that he’s having a business dinner. Right. Because, you know, people who need dry cleaning need to be wined and dined at a singles pick-up joint, right? The girls know this is not a place they would want their boyfriend to hang out. I do think it’s all a little wonky, though – Cuz otherwise the minute he saw the cameras (or the trucks in the parking lot) he would have bolted, I think. I suspect this may be a fabricated branch to a storyline. Perhaps this is supposed to lead to a big breakup or something – I dunno. But something smells fishy to me…
We get to see Carole as she dates the young, hot chef… Ramona returns to the dating scene (I’m just not ready for this)… Heather tries to confront Bethenny about how hurt Kristen’s feelings were when she didn’t receive an engraved invitation… And of course, we see Dorinda and “What’s His Name” fight. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride… lol!
Well, that’s it for this week – It looks like next week we’ll have way too much fun for words, too! Woo hoo! Thanks so much for reading… I’m new on Twitter and I’d love to follow you…@StarsNinetyNine…
Please continue to keep our much-loved Empress in your thoughts and prayers as she mourns the loss of her beloved husband who passed away only a few days ago.
Hope to see you next week… Happy Trails… Until we meet again…