Stella’s Web Store
Everything on the website has been marked down to make way for new inventory. uniqueboutiqueofkona.com
Real Housewives of New York City
“Double Down on Delusion” – S7E6
Remember Last Week…
Sonja unsuccessfully tries to explain to Bethenny that she is a “Luxury Fashion Lifestyle Brand” which meant absolutely nothing to Bethenny. So Bethenny whipped out her handy dandy Rosetta Stone to help translate fuzzy delusional thinking into succinct concepts and concluded Sonja must have meant “Accessible Luxury.” Bethenny’s reward was to receive an engraved invitation to Sonja’s 3-Ring Circus of a business presentation. This only demonstrated that any clown can cut and paste pictures onto poster board and call it a business plan for a fashion collection. The other girls were jelly that Bethenny was invited and they weren’t because after all – They have been NOTHING but supportive of Sonja, no? At the conclusion of the presentation, Sonja finally had something to toast – It just wasn’t in one of her toaster ovens.
After telling the entire world (except LuAnn) that she was dating LuAnn’s niece’s ex-boyfriend – Carole finally comes clean and tells LuAnn. LuAnn’s niece is understandably upset and probably a little creeped out – But our pretty, pretty princess Carole told us that she just doesn’t care. Evidently, she only cares when someone isn’t invited to a birthday party – After all, this cougar can’t be expected to care that she’s boinking a friend’s employee who is also their close family friend, can she?
Dorinda threw a cocktail party and her “boyfriend” (and I use the term loosely) also known as “What’s His Name” (John) decided to make a human sandwich out of Sonja and Kristen as they sensuously rubbed their body parts together. The entire world collectively shivered in repulsion and reached for the eye-bleach. There are just some things you can’t unsee. We also find out that Sonja wants to take Ramona on a birthday trip to Atlantic City since it’s Ramona’s first birthday without Mario. It’s Turtle Time!
Sonja pretends that she painstakingly planned out every detail for Ramona’s Atlantic City birthday bash. I mean it must have her taken months and months and cost her a lot of money. Oh wait… This is a Bravo-sponsored trip and will undoubtedly come with all kinds of Production twists and turns.
Heather, Ramona, Kristen, and Dorinda were told to arrive at Sonja’s house at 10:30 AM. At 10:38 AM we hear Heather, Kristen and Dorinda complain as one of Sonja’s mighty interns summarily banishes them from her house because as Heather puts it, “Lady Morgan is packing and doesn’t want to be disturbed.” Wait… Why is she still packing? She has like 14 interns doesn’t she? Anyhoo… Bravo is giving us actual time prompts to make a point. Let’s see what point they’re trying to make, shall we?
The girls got to freeze their collective dupas off as they waited outside in the cold under some scaffolding. Fortunately, they were serenaded by soothing sounds of jackhammers and other construction equipment that drilled on their very last nerve. Since it was her birthday, Ramona was allowed access to Lady Morgan’s bathroom but quickly had to return outside with the rest of the “Ladies in Waiting.” Literally… Lol…
At 11:28 AM, after waiting outside for almost an hour while Lady Morgan putzed around her almost-a-real-townhouse, the limo shows up and our rain-drenched friends pile into the limo griping the whole time. At 11:33 AM, a flustered Bethenny shows up and gets in and immediately apologizes for being late. Although Bethenny is immediately forgiven, they tell her they were told that she wasn’t going to arrive until 12:15 and that they would all just have to wait outside in the rain for her.
At 11:42 AM, Sonja gets into the limo and immediately starts getting pummeled for her bad manners. Heather and Kristen rightfully call out Sonja on making them wait outside which is especially egregious on such a rainy day – Although it would have been helpful if they weren’t loudly screeching and whining at her. I kinda think Production just wanted to piss them off… Or perhaps Sonja didn’t want cameras inside her home – Who knows? We’ve seen instances where housewives are caused to be late just to create drama.
So everyone is acting all offended about everything. Sonja gives everyone a cold shoulder and tries to pretend that she didn’t know they were physically waiting outside in the cold. She said she thought they were waiting in the limo as if that would have made things better. One moment she said that she arranged for the limo and the next moment she said that the limo being late was not her fault. Her story also kind of weakened when she sent the birthday girl back out into the cold after using her bathroom. Oh, and then she tried to blame it on her dogs who could run out into the street – As if her front door is never opened.
As a result of Heather being cranky about this situation, we learn from her that she once brought a very drunk Sonja home, carried her upstairs and safely tucked her into bed. Heather tells Sonja in no uncertain terms that friends do not make friends wait outside and she heard loud and clear that she was not welcome in Sonja’s home… Therefore, they are no longer friends. And Heather says she will never set foot in Sonja’s home. Ever.
We already all have headaches from watching all the screaming thus far and Ramona is no different. She starts yelling, “Stop… STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! I can’t… I can’t… I can’t!” Ramona tells them she wants to relax and de-stress so they all need to shut the heck up. Then Sonja and Heather start going after each other again with each one talking over the other. Bethenny wants Sonja to apologize to them and even walks her through a perfectly lame apology – You know the kind that starts with an “If” qualifier… But everyone is too busy talking amongst themselves to hear Sonja’s apology. Bethenny says, “I grow tired.” And Sonja immediately responds, “I grow MORE tired.” Bethenny laughingly gasps and may have spit out a bit of her beverage.
Bethenny tries to clue in the ever delusional Sonja that she’s all smoke and no barbecue. Bethenny likes Sonja and thinks she’s sweet but thinks she can’t get out of her own way. In her talking head (TH) Bethenny repeats in a sing-songy way, “Smokey eye… Updo… And Gstaad”… (Oh my)… “Smokey eye… Updo… And Gstaad… (Oh my)… “Smokey eye… Updo… And Gstaad… (Oh my)… I added the “Oh mys” because it sounded reminiscent of the Wizard of Oz and the whole, “Lions and tigers and bears – Oh my!” Well, there are certainly some witches flying around at the moment – And I bet we’ll see a flying monkey or two before the night’s out…lol.
Bethenny tries to drive home her point to Sonja about how irritating her constant name dropping and bragging about being a world traveler/jet setter sounds to everyone around her. She tells Sonja that it makes her come off as pretentious. Sonja suddenly thinks she understands and utterly cluelessly says, “Cuz they don’t live the life…” Okay, Captain Miss the Point Completely… You might want to think again…
After driving for a while Bethenny announces that she HAS to go to the bathroom right then and there – So the driver was directed to stop. Bethenny must still be going with the “homeless” storyline because she quite literally doesn’t have a pot to piss in. I am not going into everything that transpired because it irritates me that we again had to see old footage of her peeing into a bucket in her wedding dress. It’s going to take me another few years to get that visual out of my brain – Thanks, Bravo. It’s unsettling and insulting to me that Bravo thinks this is entertainment.
They arrive in Atlantic City and the limo prisoners almost kiss Borgata’s driveway. They are told they have reserved two 2-bedroom suites and some additional single rooms. Bethenny does not want to room with anyone and is willing to stay in the broom closet in order to make that happen.
In the “High Roller Suite” it seems like Ramona, Sonja and Dorinda will room together. It also seems that Carole and LuAnn (And maybe Heather – But it was a little confusing) will be staying together in the “Penthouse Suite.” I guess LuAnn and Carole really have made up, no? There’s a big honkin’ spread of food – and Heather said, “Wow, Bethenny goes all out.” I thought Sonja had arranged for the rooms – Perhaps Bethenny made sure there was food upon their arrival? I wasn’t clear about it… My head is still pounding from the limo ride so I may have missed something…
Ramona is looking forward to having fun. I’m not sure she remembers who’s on this vacation with her. Kristen arrives making a fashion statement by wearing two different “Manolos”… A bright green shoe and a blue shoe. I kind of love it! Ramona looks sparkly and great as usual – I really think most of the women look especially good this season. Sonja walks in wearing a silver sequined dress… But it was Carole’s playboy-reminiscent bunny ears that had me laffin’ my fool head off. It was hilariously fun in an odd way. If only she walked in and said, “What’s Up, Doc?” She would have gotten a season-long pass from me by using a gratuitous Bugs Bunny reference. Oh well…I guess it’s wabbit season!
The women are all waiting for everyone to arrive. Heather walks in 51 minutes late according to Bethenny. Bethenny enjoyed pointing out that fact to Heather a little too much. She said they were supposed to meet at 8:00 PM and that Heather was almost an hour late just like Bethenny was earlier that day. Heather is more than happy to start things up again but wisely everyone just wanted to go and get some dinner. People are nervous because Sonja has already started drinking…
As they’re sitting at dinner, Bethenny, who can’t seem to let it go – Says that she was late but that Heather and some of the others have also been late. She tenderly suggests that everyone get the chopstick out of their dupa about it. You first, Bethenny… You first…
Bethenny has a side conversation with Sonja about how everyone seems to try to make cutting digs at each other at their every opportunity. LuAnn announces that Carole has encouraged LuAnn to get hair extensions… Bethenny disagrees and says that short hair is more European – And Carole quickly says that LuAnn is not European that she’s from Connecticut. Carole tries to convince us in her TH that it wasn’t a dig at LuAnn because being from America is so much better… lol… It’s all about spin… And Carole knows all about spin.
Sonja tries to make a point with Bethenny about the digs she’s experienced from the group. She brings up her own situation for the umpteenth time and about how she’s been in PR all of her life. In essence, Bethenny tells her to stop Gstaading… Sonya tells Bethenny that she just took a shot at her. Bethenny said in her TH that if Sonja was a Super Hero – She would be “The Repeater.” She implores Sonja to taka break or a Xanax or something. For some reason, Sonja implies that Bethenny said Sonja didn’t have a legitimate business. Now, I’m not sure if there was additional footage that was creatively edited out or what… But it really doesn’t matter, does it? We’re left with a holy cow drunk Sonja and a Bethenny who is fed up with her already… lol.
Sonja dissolves into tears because it’s her party and she’ll cry if she wants to… Oh wait… It’s NOT Sonja’s party? Bethenny falls over herself trying to compliment Sonja about how amazing she is – Yadda, yadda, yadda… But Sonja feels beaten up by everyone. Drunk Sonja goes off on a drunken rant about how she’s “An Artist” and that she promotes people. Wait… I thought you were a producer? A fashion designer? A model? A toaster oven designer? A soccer team owner? A philanthropist? An author? An entrepreneur? An event planner…etc.? Bethenny thinks she just needs a stun gun to sit crying Sonja’s ass down. Bethenny is sorry she upset Sonja and asks what she can do at this point. LuAnn says you can’t reason with Sonja when she’s in this state of mind. Dorinda thinks everyone is a pack of wolves… She said that if it had happened to her that she would have shut that crap down. I’m sure we’ll see… I’m rubbing my greedy lil hands together in anticipation…
At a very awkward point of time, LuAnn bursts out that she thinks Ramona has become a much more interesting person since she separated from Mario. Wow. LuAnn tries to nervously laugh it off – But the damage is already done. Ramona tries not to take offence but it’s kind of hard not to since LuAnn just all but said she thought up to this point that she was boring. Boy, LuAnn can really be a gift that just keeps on giving, no? Happy Birthday, Ramona! Don’t you feel so good about yourself now?
OMG – They need a venue change – STAT! The women take their “casino” into the casino… I dunno… Is that even legal? I mean, what is it called when you’re in a casino and you cause a casino? Oh, I guess it’s just another Friday night for these guys…
Ramona and Sonja go off together to play blackjack. They’re all giggles and smiles and “Wooo hooos” because they’re winning! It’s so perfect for the birthday girl to be winning. Gosh, you’d almost think it’s rigged or something… I mean… You know – If you were cynical… Which I’m not. Obviously…
Bethenny goes off by herself because wants to lose both herself and her money. She must succeed because she’s on a huge losing streak. Kristen comes over to Bethenny’s table and thinks it’s kismet since Bethenny is sitting next to a guy who is wearing an Elvis Presley hat. Remember Kristen’s unfading love for all things Elvis? He and Kristen bond for life over his trip last summer to Graceland. Bethenny is just happy that Kristen is talking to him and not to her. I think Bethenny wants to put herself in a time-out but alas her punishment is that LuAnn, Heather and ultimately Carole also join her at the table. Even though she’s losing, Bethenny thinks gambling is much more fun than dinner.
Carole is now wearing a tuxedo boobie shirt to go with her bunny ears. I really like this side of Carole that doesn’t take herself too seriously. Everyone can hear Sonya and Ramona’s hooting and hollering from across the casino. They come over and Ramona tells them that she won 3 blackjacks in a row.… Ramona and Sonja head to the dance floor to ring in Ramona’s birthday in style… Kristen is reticent to leave because she is on a winning streak – She won $550 which should just about cover the new boots she wants…
Everyone ends up dancing and having way too much fun for words. Kristen thinks Ramona dances like Elaine from Seinfeld but she wouldn’t tell her that to her face. She’ll just talk about her behind her back. We all know she’s perfectly aware she just said it publically. I mean why slam the birthday girl privately when you can do it on national TV?
According to LuAnn, on nights like this – You always know that sometime during the evening that Sonja is going to try to make out with you. Fortunately, LuAnn is taller than Sonja her attempt kind of misses. I just have to laugh… Well, at least until I see that Sonja is dancing on a platform and that she invariably flashes her lady bits around for the whole world to see… LuAnn actually says, “How did I get the job as the snatch guard?” You just can’t write them better than that… lol.
Rut roh… Sonja is sitting and talking with Bethenny again. Sonja is in her usual repeat mode and Bethenny says that Sonja is fully like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Sonja tries to talk to Bethenny once again about being a PR person who likes to promote people. Bethenny runs for her life. She may have hitched a ride with a flying monkey… I’m not sure.
Okay, it’s time for that 90 second fake out in between commercials… Carole is lying on a couch while having her makeup applied and LuAnn asks her if that’s a hickey on her neck. Carole says that it’s just a curling iron burn. However, Carole does divulge how much she loves hickeys and thinks they’re underrated. She says she has to beg for them. So we’re now supposed to believe that’s a curling iron burn on your neck, right? The next thing you know, Carole will try to convince us that she’s a princess or something…
Well, the new girl Dorinda must have lost the coin toss or else she just didn’t run away fast enough – So she’s in charge of getting Sonja back to her hotel suite in once piece without embarrassing herself or others too much. Dorinda’s horrified that everyone just abandoned Sonja. Yeah, well talk to us again after doing this for a season or two. Plus, karma bites you on the ass when you leave someone out in the cold, doesn’t it? It looks like Dorinda is in charge of the town drunk… Kind of like Otis in those old Andy Griffith reruns…
As they walk down the hall, Sonja is telling Dorinda that she used to be a model. Ramona can’t be around Sonja when she gets like this. As they get into the suite, Sonja blathers on about being an artist. She talks about how she raises millions of dollars for artists. Dorinda tells her that money speaks but wealth whispers. Sonja delusionally says that she parties with John John Kennedy and Madonna all of the time. Dorinda astutely tells Sonja that it would be hard to do since John John is dead.
I really wish we hadn’t seen this part at all… This whole Sonja delusion might have brought up stuff for Carole since John John was married to her close friend. In 1999, Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy, John John, and Carolyn’s sister all died in a plane crash less than four weeks before Carole’s own husband died from cancer after his 5-year battle with it. Cancer sucks. Death sucks. Grief upon grief is unbearably painful. It takes my breath away just thinking about the depth of Carole’s pain. It would piss me off to have Sonja’s delusion trivialize someone who was so important to me. But perhaps Carole will be able to laugh it off after she sees this episode. We won’t know because Carole’s not blogging this season… I really miss her blogs… Oh well…
As everyone gathers for breakfast the next morning – They seem to be feeling like a Mack® Truck ran over them. However, Sonja gleefully floats into the room looking fully refreshed, relaxed and wonderful. It confounds everyone at how Sonja so easily gets over being drunk from the night before. LuAnn observes that they’re all exhausted from having to deal with her all night but the next morning Sonja is fresh as a daisy. Sonja tries to explain that her actions from the night before were probably just the result of the “Baromic” pressure. Yes, while “barometric” pressure can do funny things to people at times – I’ve not heard that it causes someone to drink excessive amounts of alcohol and become wackadoo. I mean, seriously…
Sonja visits Bethenny in her room. Bethenny is so happy that Sonja is there because she wanted to talk to her. She hopes Sonja doesn’t remember much from the night before. Bethenny tells Sonja that she’s kind and has the sweetest heart. She likes how Sonja isn’t negative and she tells her she’s smart. Bethenny points out that the loss of the life Sonja had with her ex-husband was devastating. Bethenny thinks people should be more upfront about verbalizing their feelings about what’s really going on in their lives. She thinks people should acknowledge when they’re scared. They should be able to say they’re just happy to be breathing air today.
Bethenny tells Sonja that she can’t continue to drink to the point that she screams the same thing at her over and over again. Bethenny broaches the subject about how different combinations of pills don’t go well with alcohol. Sonja tries to convince us that she’s just taking “vitamins” and that she’s been told there might be an adverse reaction if they’re mixed with alcohol. Bethenny tells Sonja that she thinks the stress is getting to Sonja. Sonja is still trying to be the “Life of the Party Sonja” and that she’s not been able to move past her past. Sonja hopes that once her bankruptcy is settled that she can finally move forward.
Bethenny tells us that she thinks Sonja’s life is like the theme to Disney’s Frozen – And that Sonja needs to “Let It Go.” Sonja’s divorce was a long time ago and they agree it’s like a death. Bethenny tells Sonja that if you don’t close the door behind you – You can’t open a new door.
Bethenny implores Sonja to have a relationship with herself and to take care of and nurture herself. She tells her that she needs to “talk to someone.” She tells Sonja that “it’s” coming out and it’s not working – “It” needs to be fixed. She tells Sonja that she’s not her enemy. She suggests that Sonja not drink so much and that she should establish a maximum amount of alcohol that she drinks at any one time.
The problem is that Sonja’s delusions don’t stop when she becomes sober. In her TH, Sonja says that Bethenny can’t compare her background to Sonja’s because Sonja is close to her family and she has a daughter who loves her. Ummmm… okay… I can’t even…
For kicks and giggles I wanted to take a look at this season’s viewership statistics and compare them with the statistics from previous seasons. Fortunately, I was able to access current ratings without having to do a lot of legwork myself – Thanks to Randy at http://bravowhore.com/. In addition, I previously had gleaned statistics from bravoratings.com for the early seasons. Unfortunately, the site and its’ bounty of statistics are no longer accessible. However, I had started a statistical chart that I never actually used many, many moons ago…lol.
The first chart is this season’s viewership by episode:
As you can see, viewership is NOT going in the direction Bravo would like it to. While last week’s episode gained slightly from the week before – It’s still a pretty insignificant number. I’ve got to say that I’m a little surprised. I would have thought that once the seasons were winding down for the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and the Real Housewives of Atlanta – That it would have caused an increase in RHONYC’s numbers. Could it be that we have “Real Housewives” fatigue? Have they run RHONYC into the ground so much that it can’t bounce back again?
Let’s take a look at the average viewership by season:
You can see the two best seasons for this franchise were Seasons 3 and 4. Bethenny left after Season 3 – And surprisingly viewership didn’t drop at all. In fact, there was a slight increase. So what happened after Season 4 that caused such a drop in viewership? That’s when they decided to fire Jill, Alex, Kelly and Cindy.
I know that we have argued until we’re blue in the face about that fateful decision. The fact is that viewership decreased dramatically during Seasons 5 and 6. This season (Season 7) it’s doing somewhat better than the last 2 seasons but only marginally. Firing Aviva and her creepy Dad last season probably helped.
I wonder what Bravo’s level of expectation was for this season’s big “The B is Back” in light of her ginormous salary demands. Bethenny has taken a significant beating in the press over the last couple of years during her divorce and the demise of her daytime talk show. But even with that, there are still plenty of Bethenny fans. Whether you like her or don’t like her – I think she IS at least interesting and entertaining. The part that I don’t especially like is that it seems more and more that Bethenny came back this season only to sell her products to us. I mean I can’t blame her for it – But I just wish she wasn’t so obvious about it. Personally, I’m thrilled she’s back although her countenance disturbs me. I wish she seemed happier. But she IS in the middle of a very acrimonious and public divorce. She is bleeding money to the lawyers. That’s gotta suck. Oh, and she’s “homeless.” Lol…
I would have thought that there would have been more of a bounce in the ratings increase this season. However, we have no way of knowing what the ratings would have been if Bethenny hadn’t returned. Would they have been completely abysmal? I guess we’ll never know for sure…
Sonja wants to do some stabilizing meditation while lighting her abundance candle… They watch a boxing match and one of the boxer’s mouth guards fall at their feet… LuAnn talks about someone’s dating habits – It appears to be Carole but who knows – But LuAnn refers to the guy as “Sonja young.” Carole does not look happy about it… And, as if we haven’t seen enough clowns in the last 2 episodes, we have Bethenny physically feeding a clown an ice cream sandwich while LuAnn records it… It might be considered to be “art.” Send in the clowns!
Well, that’s it for this week – I hope everyone was able to take pain medication for their headaches from the limo ride. Let’s all send Bravo the bill, okay? Thanks for reading… Hope to see you next week… Happy Trails!
The Shahs of Sunset – A Tale of Two Parties
(Forgive me for being a little late with this – yesterday was the day from HE double hockey sticks. My 13 year old Golden Retriever had to have an emergency vet appointment, the toilet upstairs broke causing my kitchen ceiling to fall in, the washer broke and the refrigerator broke. I think that might have been all!)
We see Reza and Adam at the LA County Clerk’s office. They are filling out the form to apply for a marriage license. Adam isn’t sure whether he wants to take Reza’s name or not. This causes Reza to grab his inhaler and use it. They get in line and Reza looks extremely nervous. Adam must have chosen to change his name, because he tells Reza that when they have kids, they won’t be confused over their last names. This stresses Reza out even more! (And I thought Mike was the one with commitment issues.) When they get up to the counter, the clerk asks if they would like to get married there – if so, he can make an appointment right then. Reza asks him “why you trying to rush a bitch?” Adam doesn’t find that funny. Adam asks Reza what he is thinking. Reza replies that he is thinking a lot of things -especially that he needs to get that pre-nup taken care of STAT. Adam thinks Reza is trying to cause an argument. As they bicker back and forth, the clerk asks if they are already married – he says they sound like his wife and him.
Now we see MJ and Asa at an exercise studio working to get fit for the wedding. MJ’s outfit is a definite throwback to Flash Dance. Asa tells her she looks like an 80’s aerobics instructor. Asa says she never got a reply to the email she sent MJ about the bachelor party. MJ says she never got the email. (In her TH, she admits that she did.) Asa says she has found a vineyard that also has a wild animal safari. She wants to hire strippers dressed in jungle animal clothing and require everyone to wear “safari chic.” MJ looks sheepish but still doesn’t tell Asa that she is planning a separate bachelor’s party for Reza. In MJ’s TH, she says she is glad that Asa has thought this through and that she is sure is will be a great party for Adam. But not Reza.
Bobby and Asifa are at a photo shoot. She says she is trying to manifest a wedding. She says if you dream it, it will happen. Bobby talks about the probation period. Asifa whines and asks if he is going to marry her when the probation period is over. In Asifa’s TH, she says when Bobby isn’t in her life something is missing. She says she even loves his farts – that they smell like Cheerios. Now that’s true love.
Asa and Reza go to the property that Reza is trying to flip. Reza has a construction crew on standby while he is waiting for permits. Asa is doing some incantations to change the karma of the property. She is spraying special water (is it diamond water?). She says what she is doing will take care of the bad energy. She makes Reza lay down in the yard while she sprays water over him.
Mike is coming over to Reza’s condo. Reza says he hopes they are going to hug it out. Mike tells Reza it really hurts him not be around his friends. Reza says the problem is that Mike isn’t honest. Mike says nothing happened in Thailand. Reza says that Mike is a horny bastard that borders on a sex addict and Reza just wants him to have accountability. Mike swears that he doesn’t remember anything happening. There is the rub – Mike doesn’t REMEMBER! They can’t come to a resolution. Reza tells him that he loves him but that they have to fix this.
Asifa and Bobby are at their house. Asifa says when she originally took the GMAT in 2012 to get into business school her scores were horrendous. She says the probation period has three elements:
- Going to grad school
- Washing the dog
- Limiting her crazy moments
Asifa says she wants kids before she is 35. Bobby explains that he is concerned and wants to work out their issues before children because he is from a divorced family.
Now the night we have all been waiting for – Reza’s bachelor party. Let me warn you that my eyes are burned and I am scarred for life from watching this scene. Be very careful when you watch. MJ says she wants Reza to cut loose and do whatever he wants, including getting almost arrested, almost beat up, and almost catching VD.
Reza shows up in combat clothes. Yes, he did. The guys are asking him questions about getting married. Reza says he is having panic attacks and that tonight he doesn’t want to talk about babies or his and her matching towels.
I am not going into great detail about this party, because I’m not sure my vocabulary includes the words needed to describe the debauchery. There is a party bus with stripper poles and several male strippers performing. There is champagne by the buckets. I guess GG says it the best – Reza is in penis heaven. They take the party bus to a Latino drag bar. Reza is so drunk he is biting MJ’s derriere. MJ tells them they are going to a hotel after the bar. Reza moons whoever is watching in the parking lot. I hope I can forget that.
Now they are at a beautiful hotel with a rooftop patio. Everyone seems to be wasted. MJ is talking about nipple suckers. Reza has GG down on the floor, wrestling with her. Next we see Reza making out with a random guy. In GG’s TH, she asks if that was filmed. She hopes not. MJ says she is concerned about why Reza is so wild – that either he is doing it for sport or he is getting cold feet.
Next afternoon is Adam’s bachelor party and it is apparent that Reza is super hungover. Asa asks him what is wrong because he looks “ill-matic”. Reza tells her about the bachelor’s party the night before. Asa is hurt. She asks Reza if he wanted her there. He says yes, that he asked for her to be there. She is clearly hurt and does not understand MJ’s meanness.
Asifa and Bobby arrive. Adam is spanking everyone as an initiation. Next GG arrives. She is clearly upset with Asifa about something. It seems that Bobby had been texting GG the night before about the problems with Asifa. Asifa got a hold of his phone and went nuts. She told GG to leave her man alone and never to text with him again. (Ok, Asifa. Now you’ve caught the Jessica disease. You should be upset with Bobby – not GG. Bobby was the one who texted GG.) Asifa says she has trust issues because Bobby had sex with a friend of hers while they were not together.
Now Asa asks MJ if they are really friends. She tells her that she is hurt about not being invited to the party the night before.
Now they are going on a safari train. It’s an adult petting zoo, with weird male dancers dressed in zebra print underwear with tails. I can’t even explain this – it might be worse than Reza’s party.
MJ of course has a piñata dool for Adam and Reza to break. Bobby is talking to GG when Asifa walks up. GG walks away to avoid confrontation. Asifa is trying to go talk to GG but Bobby says she is a bully. Asifa starts screaming at GG and they get into it. Bobby tells Asifa he love her and wishes he could spend the rest of his life with her. (He sounds doubtful that will happen.) Asifa says she is leaving and that Bobby has to come too. Reza tells Asifa to chill out on Bobby – that he is a good guy. He tells her she should listen to her friends and calm down.
And now the safari bus is off to visit the animals. And that, my dears, is the end of the episode.