Brandi Glanville Podcast by Kit9
Guest: Comedian Josh Wolf
Josh is the cousin of actor Scott Wolf from Party Of Five. Josh about how Scott hasn’t aged and how he has a beautiful wife and family. Brandi, says that means Scott, “is super fucked up. He probably wants to be a woman like Bruce. You can’t have a perfect family. When it looks perfect and you don’t age, there’s something up.” Josh says Scott does runs like a girl before saying he’s joking so he doesn’t get hate mail calling him sexist.
Josh says Scott is one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. Brandi has doubts, saying, “It’s a question mark. I’ve met him.” (What the hell did Scott do to her, I wonder?) “He’s a really super nice guy.” Brandi’s still not buying it and continues shading Scott by calling him chubby. Josh used to be obsessed with his diet and going to the gym. “Clearly, you’re not doing that anymore”, says Brandi. Josh loves In and Out, in moderation.
He has pretty good self control, food wise, except when it comes to chocolate chip cookies, which he’ll eat till he’s sick. Brandi eats till she’s full and then can’t eat any more. She also eats quickly which she credits her restraint with growing up poor and the fact her mother, “made really shitty food.” Brandi was the middle child and says she was abused by her siblings and she abused them back. Josh had three older brothers who beat the hell out of him which helped him learn to be funny to stop them from hitting him.
Brandi won’t date guys who wear True Religion jeans. Same goes for guys who wear Ed Hardy t’s. Men with a bald spots are a no go, too. Brandi jokes about how Josh stole somebody’s children. The children in question are part Asian and racist and Kathy Lee sweat shop jokes follow. “Do they sew?” ask Brandi. No, but they do dry clean, Josh says. Turns out Josh was dating a woman who had two kids and then they had a third, together. And when they broke up, he kept all the kids-hers and theirs. He says it worked out best for everybody.
Brandi has an axe to grind with Josh over something he said about her and which he claims he doesn’t remember. Brandi doesn’t like Josh’s ex boss and current producer, Chelsea Handler, who once described Brandi as an over botoxed cougar from the Valley. Apparently, Josh’s reply to Chelsea was, “She’s disgusting looking. Eww.” Josh now says that’s clearly not true. Also, when he said it, he probably had never seen Brandi. But, Brandi points out Chelsea showed him a picture(snort!). Brandi throws the insult back at Chelsea
They talk about the source of the rift between Brandi and Chelsea. Something about making out with someone named Shelly. Also someone named Ryan, sent Brandi dick picks. Of Ryan, Brandi says Ryan, “may not have been going to my church.” Ryan, doesn’t understand what she means and she says he’s too young for her and “very Christian.” After some nonsensical back and forth, it’s clear what Brandi means is Ryan is gay.
She says she goes to “the kind of straight person church.” She didn’t think Ryan really knew what church he went to and she felt like she was taking advantage of him. Ryan’s penis was huge and she did make out with him but only saw his penis in pictures. Brandi hates dick pics. Josh feels the same about vagina pics.
Josh doesn’t go to strip clubs. Brandi says Jews don’t go to strip clubs because, “it’s not Kosher”(groan). “Well, you’re not eating there,” Josh says. “Well maybe you are”, Brandi shoots back. Josh says Portland has the most strip clubs per cap of anyplace in the country (really? Doesn’t sound right). Brandi goes on about her concerns with stripper pole cleanliness. “It’s like a Petri dish.”
They discuss Brandi’s eldest son’s impending puberty. Brandi now knocks before she enters his room. Josh suggests she buy him some extra pairs of socks. Josh goes back to his comments about her looks and tells her there’s nothing disgusting about her. “You don’t know me yet,” Brand jokes. Brandi claims she does her own guest background research. Josh doesn’t believe her, earning him an FU from Brandi. Brandi and Josh both say they had good childhoods. Brandi’s rule for blackout sex is if she doesn’t remember it, it didn’t happen.
Then they talk about the toll cell phones cameras have taken on personal freedom. You can’t go out and get drunk anymore, says Brandi. Josh talks about being a prisoner in his hotel room when he’s on the road. “You have to drink at home, do drugs at home, beat your children within your home and not in front of a window,” says Brandi. “You gotta put oranges in a sock so it doesn’t leave a bruise…on the bottom of the foot,” says Ryan. “Long sleeves,” adds Brandi. “Kidding,” says Brandi.
Brandi had a Dorothy Hamill cut when she was young. Brandi says her sister was the pretty one. Everyone thought Brandi was a boy because of her short hair. Josh has 3 testicles (can’t tell if he’s joking or not). Ryan has a new show on CMT. It’s a panel show. Brandi whines about not being able to have an opinion without backlash (see, she can have an opinion but others aren’t allowed to have an opinion about her opinion). She brings up her calling her son an asshole and claims she refused to apologize for it.
Brandi talks about some Sarah Silverman bit where she makes rape jokes. Brandi thinks Sarah is hilarious and thought the jokes were funny so she tweeted about got a “ton of hate” for it. “Obviously rape is not funny but the joke was funny!” whines Brandi, “It frustrates the hell out of me.” Josh agrees and says that someone he doesn’t know can’t offend him.
Brandi says her kids have asked her why their “gay friends can call each other faggots but we’re not allowed to say it at all?” She says they also ask why they can’t say or sing the n-word in songs but Jay-z can. Josh used to live next to a former Real Worlder and he did heroin in his apartment. Apparently, the guy was still upset about being cast as the villain on the show. Brandi says the show is a J.O.B. for her. She has to pay the rent and take care of her kids. “My husband doesn’t work. He’s an actor and 90% of Hollywood is out of work, so he’s not working. So, I foot the bill for everything with my children.”
Brandi mentions recently breaking into Eddie’s house-with his permission-to get something for her son. It was the first time she’d been in his house and she thought, “This fucker’s livin’ the life. I was pissed.” Brandi claims that she can’t live off her book royalties and that just because you’re on tv doesn’t mean you’re rich. Josh, agrees, saying he made very little for his appearances on Chelsea’s show.
Brandi says that reality tv knows you’re going to use it as a platform to sell other things so “they don’t pay you” (sure Bravo LOVES hearing this). But, she needs the money, so that’s why she puts up with the public scrutiny. Josh flips the table and interviews her asking, in her dream of dreams, what would Brandi do? A talk show. A Springer type show dealing with conflict and relationships. She loved Jenny Jones and doesn’t think anyone is doing a program like that now. “That’s my end goal. I don’t want to be on the show forever. However, I have to do it right now.” Brandi says that Steve Wilkos has asked her to host some shows with him.