Real Housewives of New York City
“Family Matters” – S7E7
Note: We were a house divided again tonight – The Chicago Blackhawks are playing the Anaheim Ducks in the Stanly Cup playoffs… Mr. Stars99 grew up in Chicago and we live in Orange County… We generally root for Chicago teams until they play Orange County teams… Even in baseball I will generally root for the Cubs cuz they’re such underdogs. However, I will ALWAYS root for the Ducks… Quack. The dang game had 3 OTs… and didn’t end until around 11:10 PM my time… Ducks lost… Oh puck… It was the longest game in Chicago’s history… Needless to say – I’m cranky… Really cranky… The only silver lining is that Mr. Stars99 is happy… But I’m not… And I’m exhausted… Watch out, housewives… You have been warned…
Remember Last Week…
Sonja was rude… Bethenny was late… Heather and Kristen rightfully flipped their figs about having to wait outside in the cold and rain… There was so much whining and screeching on the limo ride that it gave me a headache…Bethenny grew tired. Sonja and I grew more tired… Kristen fashionably wore 2 different-colored shoes… Carole wore bunny ears and a tuxedo boobie shirt…Dorinda kept her cool and was kewl… Bethenny lost in gambling but the birthday girl and Sonja won… Money can’t buy you class but evidently LuAnn was crowned Sonja’s “snatch guard”… Dorinda had to babysit a drunken Sonja… And Sonja lost her ever-lovin’ mind while she was drunk because she claimed to party all the time with Madonna and John-John Kennedy. Honest…
Ramona continues to celebrate her birthday season by hosting a gathering at the Fishtail restaurant. She has invited 30+ “great girlfriends” that she has known for over 20 years. Bethenny and Ramona bond over Heather’s use of casual-speak. Bethenny just doesn’t understand why Heather insists on calling people “mama.” They talk about when Heather says, “holla.” Ramona gets right on board the Heather bashing train. Ramona thinks Heather is an uptown white chick from the Berkshires – Not a rapper.
Speaking of a joke of a rapper we’d rather not see… Did anyone happen to see Kanye West’s performance on Sunday night’s Billboard Music Awards? It was filled with so much pyrotechnics that you couldn’t even see him perform – It was absolutely hilarious! Also – The censors had way too much fun for words bleeping out large portions of his song and as a result there were huge gaps of blank air. It was pure perfection! However, to me, the sad part was when Kendall and Kylie Jenner went onstage to announce their brother-in-law’s performance. They (and Kanye) were mercilessly booed… I guess I’m just not a fan of booing teenagers especially when the booing is probably just a backlash of anti-Kardashian sentiment. These girls actually model and do stuff. Okay, okay, meanwhile… back at the party…
Did I mention there’s a “Turtle Time” cake? It’s always all about the cake.
Bethenny observes there are lots of blondes and lots of boobs amongst the crowd. She tells us several of them look amazing and you would never know their age because of the “work” they’ve had done. Others look like they would be more at home in the Star Wars bar because of the amount of cosmetic enhancements they’ve had. You just gotta love a housewife who uses a Star Wars reference. Now, if only Bethenny could get the Star Wars Cantina to serve Skinny Girl products…
It’s hilarious because several women at the gathering greet Bethenny like she’s their long, lost friend – But Bethenny only looks blankly back at them and superficially says “hello.” Could this be Bethenny’s karma for complaining that she had met Kelly B several times but Kelly never remembered her? I’m guessing Bethenny HAS met several of these women before – But she just can’t remember them. They probably didn’t buy any of her products. In all fairness, it’s got to be hard to remember everyone you meet. I know I can’t. I sometimes blank out on people’s names… I mean names that I really SHOULD know… And so I punt and call them something like, “Miss Wonderful America” or something – Lame as that is…lol.
Sonja talks to Robin who we learn is a “Swami Priestess.” Okay, I’m not sure what that means… But I think she’s the same person who blessed Sonja and her home last season, no? Sonja couldn’t wait to tell Bethenny that she has taken her advice and is talking to someone about her issues. Sonja gushes that the “Swami” has advised her to get back to her writing and to go to the beach with her. Wait… So, on the exhaustive list of “hats that Sonja wears” we can now add “writer?” Wow… I wonder if Sonja even writes her own blog… Hmmm… Bethenny is understandably perplexed by this because Sonja is NOT doing anything they talked about. Sonja thinks Bethenny is just projecting her own personal experience onto her. I think Sonja is a little wackadoodle… But then – Aren’t we all?
There was some talk about Sonja and her Psychopharmacologist. Sigh. Let’s be honest – You’re being prescribed stuff that’s stronger than just herbal tea, Sonja. I think you must have graduated from Kim Richard’s school of pretend truth.
Dorinda tells the girls about the architecture of a house she and “What’s His Name” (John) recently visited. There was an actual shower in the middle of the “party” room and they were told that if the party went well – They all could just spontaneously have some shower fun. I really could use one of those showers in the middle of my living room since I’m compelled to take a shower every time I see “What’s His Name” (John) on TV cuz every time I see him on TV he gives me such a bad case of the creepies. I also get creeped out when I see Slade Smiley and/or Vicki Gunvalson’s Icky boyfriend Brooks from RHOC… Or anyone named “Joe” from RHONJ… I could go on… but you get the picture.
Dorinda is asked if she and John are swingers. Ack!… I quickly reach for the eye bleach to try to get THAT visual out of my mind…lol… Dorinda assures all of us that they’re not swingers because she’s too competitive. Really? THAT’s the reason you’re not a swinger? Sigh…
Ramona stands up and makes a toast to her friends. She tells them the reason she’s able to get through the stuff she’s going through is because of them. It’s really quite sweet – Ramona really does care about her friends.
Bethenny is meeting with Dr. Amador, her therapist and I must admit that it kind of feels like old times. He really knows Bethenny and her situation so well – and as Bethenny puts it, “He knows where all the bodies are buried.”
Bethenny explains to him that her talk show was very demanding. She felt like she was shot out of a cannon and there were so many things going on in her life. Now she’s wrestling with the failure of her talk show and her marriage. She’s in shock about the whole thing. The scary thing to her is that there’s no way to really know a person. She is reticent about making new best friends at this point – Because even if she wasn’t great friends with someone in the past – She thinks the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. It kind of explains why she isn’t quickly friending her coworkers on this show.
Bethenny is finding it hard not only to trust others – but she’s wrestling with trusting her own judgment because she has been so wrong about people. With Jason, she had some gut instincts that she didn’t go with… But now, she says she’s shooting first and asking questions later. She is looking for connection with someone.
She talks about reconnecting with John, her step-father. He raised her since she was 4-years-old and parented her more than either of her biological parents. Their relationship “got hairy” and they stopped talking – But she really wants to re-open that door on some level. She seems to desperately want Bryn to know family on her side of the family tree. She wants Bryn to know the person she considers to be her father – Even if it’s not at all like a fairytale. The end of the session comes and you can tell Bethenny doesn’t want to leave. She looks around the room and sizes it up as her new home. Cuz… You know… She’s homeless and stuff.
Carole saw a documentary on Jack Johnson and fell in love with boxing. I think she’s referring to “Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson.” She attributes some of her love for boxing to the testosterone she was taking at the time…lol. Carole, Kristen, LuAnn and Ramona go to a boxing match and sit in the front row. Carole tells the others that the ONLY way to watch boxing is from the front row. Cuz you know, that way you can be showered in the boxers’ sweat and if you’re REAL lucky, you’ll get splattered with blood. Ick.
At first Kristen is really not really into it – Especially when one of the boxer’s mouth guards catapults out his mouth, hits her leg and winds up on the floor in front of her. During the match, Kristen whips out her travel Purell to wash down her perspire-spattered bare legs. Yuck. However, as the match goes on, Kristen gets more and more into it. She starts screaming at the boxers. It’s pretty funny. I guess I just don’t understand boxing…
Carole tells the others that Bethenny decided not to come with them to boxing night because she had Bryn. Intonight’s edition of “I Kid You Not” – Kristen’s clueless response to that news was, I KID YOU NOT – “I don’t want to judge, but I do have 2 kids and I can manage to get childcare for my kids and still go out and be social… Everybody’s different – But at this point it just doesn’t really seem like she’s making the effort.”
Wow… You always know you’re in trouble when you start out, “I don’t want to judge, BUT…” which of course means you’re going to be judge, jury and executioner, no? The thing is, Kristen… You have NO idea what it’s like to have access to your kids only 50% of the time… You have NO idea what it’s like to be constantly working outside of the house and away from your kids… I get that you don’t think Bethenny is making much effort to be friends with you at this point – But it seems to me that you can thank Heather for that. Her knowledge of you thus far is that you whined about not being invited to her birthday party.
After the boxing match, the girls meet Heather and go out for some refreshments. LuAnn thinks that after seeing such a raw, primal boxing event that they should be ordering something like beer and ribs – But the dainty girls are instead drinking mint tea and eating steamed vegetables.
Kristen casually asks Carole about Adam. There was an awkward silence and Carole was stunned that Kristen had asked about him. Carole says they’re still seeing each other and they’re having a good time. LuAnn thinks he’s a little young and still has issues about it since he’s her niece’s ex-boyfriend. Ramona tells Carole that LuAnn’s niece is like a daughter to her. There’s conversation about how long ago they broke up – LuAnn says it was six months ago – but Carole thinks it’s been longer than that. When pressed, LuAnn just says that it seems like yesterday.
Heather tells LuAnn that you can’t control these things. LuAnn says that Adam is young… That he’s “Sonja young.” Carole flips a fig about her comparison to Sonja. LuAnn states that Sonja is dating a 24 year-old and Adam is 28. Carole, in her talking head (TH) says that LuAnn lecturing her on dating younger men is like the Saudi government lecturing the world on feminism. She thinks LuAnn is a hypocrite of epic proportions.
Carole defends herself by saying they didn’t jump into bed the very first minute. Right now, he’s in Nicaragua with LuAnn’s niece. Heather says that this is the first time she’s seen Carole excited about the person she’s dating. Carole doesn’t know what’s going to happen next with them. LuAnn finally says that she’s happy if Carole is happy. Carole says that she wishes he was 20 years younger. The others pick up on her Freudian slip – Don’t you mean 20 years older? Oopsie…
Bethenny goes to Miami Beach to be with some of her high school friends. She meets Teri, the maid of honor from her wedding. She tells her about her upcoming meeting with her step-father who she hasn’t seen for years. Bethenny is being guarded and cautious about it.
Bethenny said the physical abuse was always aimed at her Mother – Except for the last time she ever saw him. Evidently, he attacked her when she was around 19. She’s baffled at how someone could ever beat somebody in front of their kid. She says that innocence is something you can never get back. She tells Teri that she doesn’t walk around telling everyone her story… Except she kind of is now, no?
Bethenny is craving some normalcy for her life. She went through a whole lot of atrocious things as a kid – but what she’s going through now she describes as 10 times worse. She admits she looks like a skeleton. Teri agrees… but she’s a pretty skeleton.
Dorinda and Ramona are working out at “Strive.” Dorinda says she doesn’t work out. Ramona asks how she looks so fit – and Dorinda humbly attributes it to girdles and low lighting…lol. Ramona has made the big step in admitting that she’s actually “dating.” Ramona does not seem to like Dorinda’s boyfriend, “What’s His Name” (John) because he’s crass and she’s unsure that he genuinely cares about Dorinda. I totally agree… Haven’t they broken up yet? Dorinda wants to know how much more exercise she has to do and Ramona laughs and says that they just got there…lol…
LuAnn’s daughter, Victoria, has one of her art pieces showing at Art Basel which is a modern and contemporary art show that’s annually held in Miami (and other places across the world). As Bethenny and LuAnn walk into show, Bethenny just can’t get over how there’s a naked man right over there… They meet up with Victoria and make their way through the exhibits to find Victoria’s offering. Wow… It’s self-portrait of Victoria in all of her full frontal nakedness and glory. They pop some champagne to celebrate…
LuAnn has a heart-to-heart talk with Bethenny about how “the girls” don’t think she’s making enough of an effort with them and that they’re disappointed. Bethenny listens and takes it all in. She asks LuAnn what she would do if she was in her situation. LuAnn says that maybe once Bryn goes to bed that she could then feel free to leave. LuAnn always seemed to feel very free to leave her kids, no? Remember that in previous seasons her son begged her to stay home with them? It was heartbreaking, really… Bethenny is spending every moment she possibly can with her daughter. It’s really a very easy decision for her.
As they’re leaving, they pass an area where you can pay $3 to feed a clown. Bethenny is surprised they have to pay but she coughs up the dough since the barker promises her a lifetime of memories if she does so. As she smooshes the food into the clown’s mouth – The clown loses his nose. As they continued walking out, they were perplexed at the whole scenario but were somehow placated because they seemed to make the clown happy. Okay, let me get this straight – You can actually get people to pay money to feed you? Clearly, I’m in the wrong line of work.
In the 60 second fake out segment we get the privilege of seeing Sonja work out with her trainer… I’m not sure why… but okay… While she’s working out she’s also looking at shoes that have been just delivered by her “stylist intern.” No seriously, that’s what Sonja called her…lol. Sonja tells us, “There’s not enough hours in the day to do everything – So I do it all at once.” I think this must be her mantra. She does EVERYTHING all at once… All the time…
Carole is feeling pressured to write her book. Perhaps she can call Aviva for some help on that. It took her 3 years to write her first book and 4 years to write her novel. She’s not the kind of author that can churn out a book in 6 months.
It’s hilarious cuz Carole is working in her “used to be a kitchen but is now a converted office.” I find it amusing and quite smart that she’s dating a chef since she doesn’t cook at all herself. I questioned one of my nieces one time about learning how to cook – And she said that she’s concluded that she didn’t need to learn how to cook because she was just going to marry a guy like her uncle Stars99. I just had to laff! And I couldn’t argue with her logic. Carole is working in her kitchen/office… She gets a phone call from Adam who is in Nicaragua. She bellyaches that technology doesn’t allow you to get to the point where you can actually miss anyone anymore. I’m thinking she’s feeling a little smothered… but I could be wrong…
The final scene is of Bethenny meeting with her step-father, John Parisella. They haven’t talked in over 25 years. He was a horse trainer just like her biological father. Evidently, her Mom was cheating on her Dad with him. They talk about her childhood and that she was going to nightclubs when she was 14… From a very young age, Bethenny was surrounded by incidents of abuse, alcohol, drugs, gambling, and her Mom’s suicide attempts.
But Bethenny knows that it made her who she is today and that’s that she’s successful as a result of it – I think it’s more like in spite of it, but okay…
Bethenny tells him that she can’t imagine any of this stuff happening to her daughter. John bluntly tells Bethenny that she has to understand that her Mother never actually wanted a child. Whoa… Bethenny may have felt that was true all along – But it’s pretty brutal to have someone straight out tell her she was unwanted.
John says that he’s sorry for what Bethenny experienced. Bethenny tells him there was a lot of good, too – But that there are some things that she vividly remembers. Like the time when she got into the car and he told them they had to move because the mafia was after them. She remembers at the age of 5 that she knew there was a gun in the glove compartment of their car.
John tries to explain that it was because he owed the mafia $300,000 in gambling debt. He said he was sorry about so much that happened and Bethenny appreciated it because this was the first time he had apologized to her. As an adult woman and as a mother, Bethenny is wrestling with how to deal with all of her childhood as an adult looking back at it. She promises John that she’s not angry or anything.
However, John said that HE is mad. Bethenny went to boarding school at 14 and her Mom was in a “nuthouse.” He’s mad that he hasn’t heard from her for 20 years. John said that he visited Bethenny 3-4 times a year at Pinecrest… Whoa – You mean every 3 or 4 months? Wow – Pin a rose on your nose. Bethenny tries to tell him that she was the child in the situation. She tells him that he SHOULD have visited her because she was the child – He was the parent. She tells him that she appreciates that he did visit her and that’s why she’s even talking to him at this point of time.
He doesn’t understand why he hasn’t heard from Bethenny since she was 18 years old. Bethenny tells him it was because of “the incident.” She reminds him of the time when she came home with her Mother’s car and he went a little crazy on her. He seems incredulous that it lasted 20 years. Bethenny reminds him that she reached out to him 2 years ago. He didn’t reach out to her – even though she’s the child. John thought that Bethenny had become so successful that she no longer had any time for him.
Bethenny sticks up for herself and tells him that she had no money until about 6 years ago. She reminds him that she first attempted to reconnect with him DURING her success. Bethenny tells him that she always refers to him as the only Father she’s ever known. She tells him that she believes he did the best he could and that her Mom did the best she could.
Bethenny said it was sad to hear some of these things John had to say – But it is what it is. He said he’d like to see her when she comes down again to visit her friends. He’d also like to meet Bryn.
Bethenny is glad they sat down and talked. They hug it out… Then go get a drink. I’m sure it was a Skinny Girl drink.
The following chart depicts this season’s viewership by episode (Thanks to Randy at http://bravowhore.com/):
As you can see, viewership as slightly increased over the last 2 episodes but it still hasn’t returned to what it was for the first 3 episodes.
Heather is criticizing Sonja’s “original” dress – but Kristen seems to think it’s a big deal… Ramona and Dorinda talk about Mario… Bethenny cries while talking to Carole who isn’t a big hugger… which is fine… Countess LuAnn asks Dorinda in front of Ramona about a comment she said that Ramona hadn’t been nice to her… Dorinda explains to Ramona that she said she wasn’t very nice to John… But Dorinda thought that she said that LuAnn had said it – And LuAnn said it was a total lie… and Ramona tells LuAnn that she DOES, in fact, lie – Therefore, LuAnn wants to stick Ramona’s face into the caviar. Fun times!
Well, that’s it for this week – Thanks for reading… Hope to see you next week… Happy Trails!
Dorinda on WWHL by Veena
Dorinda had an awkward debut on WWHL last night. She started off by giving Andy a rose (her fellow guest was Bachelor host Chris). But when Andy was waving the rose around she told him to be careful and accused him of not caring about the rose (needy much) to which he replied – he did indeed care about the rose. She did a lot of jumping in – over talking – but all in strangely awkward places. Perhaps the most disturbing thing was when Andy mentioned he got a call to potentially do The Bachelor – and had to explain that he was “so gay.” Dorinda jumped in to assure Andy that he wasn’t that gay (what the fleck?) because he loved her (huh?). Hey Dorinda, Andy wasn’t saying he was “so gay” as a self-derogatory remark to get attention (as in I’m “so lazy”.) He was saying it because he in face is gay – ie he would not do well on a show where the premise is finding a woman of his dreams. Super awkward. Asked if she thought John was getting a bad edit, she just sat there looking sulky saying no one really knew him. Correct. However, he is coming across as a disgusting pig. Then finally, asked about Ramona’s words about John from the show that night she tossed back, “where’s Mario living.” Ouch. Just not a good night for Dorinda.