Kandi’s Ski Trip Part 2 by RamonaCoaster
I thought the “unts” would be the comedy relief on this show but thus far, their brand of craziness is not entertaining. Don Juan and to a certain extent, Carmon, are the greek chorus. They are the muppets that sit in the balcony and make wisecracks about the characters in the show. Last week’s rating was 1.457 Live + SD. Kandi’s Wedding did much better in the ratings department.
Kandi comes back from the family intervention and talks to Todd about how her “unts,” cousin and Mama felt. Todd doesn’t know what the problem is when they are on a free getaway. Kandi tells him her family complained that she isn’t the same person. He doesn’t think she is the same person. She is newly married. Todd thinks there is a lack of men in the situation and the women are catty, crazy, only see things from their own perspective. Todd still wants to sit them down and hash it out which I think you should do if the people you are dealing with are sane but you can’t talk to crazy. Kandi knows her “unts” better than that. In Todd’s TH he realizes they are old and set in their crazy ways and no man can gainsay them. After all they set it up that way.
Carmon and Don Juan decide to have a drink after the long crazy night. Matthew knocks on the door and they are surprised that “Forrest Gump” came to see them with a notepad and an itinerary. Don Juan does his Forest Gump imitation and it’s funny as heck. Matthew wants to know where Don Juan’s notepad is and he says he has passed that level. Matthew is sassing that they are unprepared and are only there for a free vacay. He suggests fly fishing. In the middle of winter, Matthew? Actually I did some research and you can do fly fishing in winter provided the stream isn’t frozen over and you can stand the cold. I don’t think they would stand there freezing just to catch some fish. Don Juan says our people don’t fly fish and Matthew whispers “that’s racist.”
Don Juan wants to know if there is an AARP for snowboarding. Matthew then illustrates by raising his foot in the air that Mama Joyce is very flexible. It’s not about flexibility; it’s about strong bones. One broken hip and it’s downhill from there. Don Juan doesn’t think he should put his leg in the air and thinks he is strange. Matthew says he wants to be just like Mama Joyce when he grows up. Does your boss know about this? Carmon suggest Matthew take the “unts” shopping while the rest of the family goes skiing. But Matthew wanted to go skiing. Oh well. Take one for the team. When they discuss breakfast, Carmon says they will have bacon, eggs, and grits. Matthew suggests organic pumpkin or granola cereal for breakfast and Carmon tells him that’s not going to fly with these people. They need food that clogs their arteries. Carmon wants to give him enough rope to hang himself so sends him grocery shopping on his own. Carmon is unbothered that Matthew wants to take her job. Eventually they are going to resent him for doing a better job as an assistant.
Kandi and Mama Joyce are cooking breakfast. Joyce doesn’t usually have breakfast. She does her Jack Lalanne exercises instead. Kandi doesn’t think two packs of bacon are going to be enough for all those people. No one brought grits despite arguing who should take the grits in their suitcase. Kandi must have glossed over the organic pumpkin granola stuff that Matthew bought. Kandi asks her mom if she knew how the “unts” felt about Kandi. Joyce is carefully picking her words. She reiterates that they think Kandi has changed. They both agree they want their relationship back on track. Joyce doesn’t eat the way her sisters eat so she doesn’t cook. Her sister is surprised when she walks into the kitchen and sees Joyce cooking bacon. I think Joyce would enjoy the organic pumpkin granola.
Don Juan can’t believe Carmon let “Forrest Gump” go grocery shopping on his own. Carmon wants to put the blame for not having enough bacon at the breakfast table on Matthew but Kandi rightfully says that it was her job to do the grocery shopping. I guess her plan to pin it all on Matthew is going down the tubes.
Mama Joyce says she hasn’t seen Carmon doing anything. She says if Kandi wants to pay Carmon for doing nothing then pay her own self too. Mama Joyce got a house. Her salary is very expensive for complaining and meddling in her daughter’s marriage. The group members are splitting up to go shopping and skiing. The OLG (old lady gang) are no way in hell going skiing.
Todd, Kandi, Todd’s brother, Don Juan, Carmon, Riley and Kaela are going skiing and signing some releases that excuse the resorts from liability and they are wondering how dangerous skiing is. Just ask Michael Kennedy, Sonny Bono, and Natasha Richardson how dangerous skiing is. Matthew had the forethought to set them up with ski instructors. Ray, Todd’s brother, fell as soon as he got on the ski escalator and had trouble getting up. It’s rather discouraging when you can’t even get up the bunny slope.
Matthew is taking the “lovely” senior citizens shopping. Mama felt Carmon should have taken the old ladies shopping instead of Matthew. They all like the store that Matthew suggested and tried on some cowboy hats. Matthew thinks his boss’s needs come first. Mama Joyce is getting to know Todd’s aunt and Todd’s aunt says she doesn’t judge a book by its cover.
The skiers are falling and having a good time. It’s nice they are getting along; Kaela is all over the slopes bumping into people. Carmon is skiing like a pro. Kandi wishes she was a better assistant than skier.
After skiing, Todd takes his male relatives out for beers to talk and get away from the cackling hens. His uncle tells him that Cousin Weenie is a bully and is jealous & envious. He feels he needs to take a stand. Todd sees how Kandi’s family can be from another perspective. Todd is usually alone when dealing with Kandi’s family and he feels like he is losing his mind. Usually when you are the only sane person in a room full of crazies, you start to wonder if you are the one going crazy. Todd says he usually calls his mother when things happen and now he wants to know if it’s okay to ask his male relatives for advice and support. His brother, Ray, offers advice that Todd shouldn’t withdraw and make his voice heard and respected. This gives Todd the push to talk sit down and talk with Kandi’s crazy relatives to hash things out.
Kandi and her family sit around to play family games. Matthew announces that someone wants to go to a nude beach which really is a nude spring. Mama starts screaming that she doesn’t want to see anything. It’s a rather weird thing for Matthew to say. Matthew offers to wake up the “unts” to play games and they all tell him if him if he wants to live, he won’t. They decide never to want to play truth or dare and play charades instead. The senior citizens trounced the young’uns’. After the game, Todd brings up the issue that the family feels he is responsible for Kandi not being around and how they addressed the room situation in the beginning of the trip. Weenie starts screaming about how she took off a week for her vacation to come there. It’s a free vacay, freeloader! I’m also beginning to suspect they are getting paid to be there. It’s no hardship for you, Weener. Todd starts speaking when Weenie is screaming and Mama Joyce yells “hold up!” Don Juan is all excited that Joyce is saying her peace. She points out that Todd’s uncle came in and gave his wife a kiss while Todd came in and got a beer. Todd realizes Mama is deflecting and he brings the conversation back to his point. Todd says he feels they should communicate more and he is not keeping Kandi from them. Uh, Todd? Maybe Kandi just wants to get away from the crazy and she is not communicating appropriately? Weenie says they won’t have a problem if he treats Kandi right. Kandi is flattered that Weenie is over protective of her. Come on, Kandi! You are the money tree they like to shake every once in a while. They can’t do without you.
They go snowmobiling the next day. Riley and Matthew overturn their mobile but are okay. The “unts” are enjoying themselves.
They sit down for a big family meal at a ranch. Kandi wants everyone to sit next to someone they wouldn’t normally sit next to. Kandi points out that Matthew has been helpful. Matthew gives out minitoothbrushes to clean your teeth after eating barbecue. Aunt Bertha thinks Matthew hit his head after watching him brush his teeth and the table. Don Juan wants him to brush the brown stuff off his nose. Riley is annoyed at how sarcastic Don Juan and Carmon are being towards Matthew but it is because he is doing a better job and they are haters. Give Riley fifty silver dollars! They all wonder what Carmon does for Kandi. Mama Joyce jumps in and notices that Carmon doesn’t take care of her “artist” (boss). Carmon starts listing what she does for Kandi and it sounds kind of weak. Mama plans on coming around to see what Carmon does. Don Juan wants to know when Kandi will step in because eventually they will start in on him if the Carmon bashing gets tiring.
Don Juan and Carmon retire to their crib and complain about what happened over dinner. They feel they bring in the money and don’t want to explain what they do for the Kandi empire. Kandi walks in and knows she walked into the middle of their conversation. Kandi says she wishes Carmon was more like Matthew. Don Juan wants to point out that he is not an assistant but a general manager. Kandi gives him props for doing a good job. Carmon, however, is not that great of an assistant. Kandi points out that Carmon gets her nails done first thing in the morning instead of her job. She then throws Don Juan under the bus when Kandi says he doesn’t want to ask her to do stuff anymore because she doesn’t so he does it himself. Don Juan is not happy that he was caught talking crap about Carmon. Kandi points out that people in her company think she gets special treatment because she is Kandi’s friend. I think if she wasn’t her friend, she would have been fired already. Kandi then wants Carmon to sort things out with Mama Joyce.
They both go over to Mama Joyce to start talking. Dun, dun, duuuun! Until next week.
So on the next WWHL poll, I think Andy should ask the audience: “Who is the biggest, entitled pain in the ass on the ski trip?”