Real Housewives of New York City
“Birthday in the Berks” – S7E9
Remember Last Week…
While Ramona is confused regarding her feelings about Mario wanting to get back together, she also seems to be enjoying dating again. She brings a guy named “Michael” to Dorinda’s birthday dinner. Heather killed her chances of ever selling “Yummie” shapewear in K-Mart stores when she snottily asked Sonja if that’s where her fashion line was going to be sold – I think they BOTH could only DREAM their fashion lines were available there – Just ask Martha Stewart and Jaclyn Smith about it… Carole was inexplicably elected to the Board that governs her apartment building despite serving appetizers during her election night party that were over 2 years old. I think she was hoping for some handsome paramedics to have to come…
Heather seems always trying to appear to be a “hipster” and last week’s attempt culminated in a straight-faced statement that she wanted to get the Angelina Jolie “Maleficent” head tattooed on her hip. Wow. Also, Bethenny broke down crying while shopping with Carole at CB2 – Being ever so touchy-feely, she and Carole have scheduled a date and time to hug in October, 2016… However, the funniest part of the episode was when Ramona and her business partner, Peter, were interviewing a potential employee for a job at their sports bar. From it, we all learned that we’ve been remiss in not listing a “stapler” on our job applications under “business machines you know how to operate.” No seriously, she listed, “stapler” in that category. I’m just glad we don’t have to answer questions about our relationship with staple removers cuz those things can KILL you…
Ramona got caught talking badly about Dorinda’s boyfriend “What’s His Name” (John) who still gives me a severe case of the creepies – Especially when he leers at caviar girls (Sorry, Dorinda). Evidently, Ramona had a previous conversation with LuAnn about “What’s His Name” and they both said some disparaging things about him – But when tattletale Ramona told Dorinda about her conversation with LuAnn, Ramona conveniently omitted the part that she said unflattering stuff, too. LuAnn wanted to shove Ramona’s face into the caviar but sadly, Heather had eaten it all.
It’s so picturesque… The snow is lightly falling… And there is a honkingly long driveway leading up to Dorinda’s Berkshire home/mansion/manor. Dorinda tells the women about how her grandfather was a mason from Italy and physically built the foundation for the house. In addition, Dorinda’s Father did all of the stone work for the house. She tells the story that when she was growing up, they used to drive by the mansion and Dorinda used to point at it and tell her Dad that someday she was going to own that house. Her Dad responded, “Of course you are, Princess.” In my mind’s eye I can almost see him patronizingly patting her on her head. Well, fast forward a few years – and Dorinda’s 2nd husband, Richard, generously bought the house for her. When her Dad came to visit her new home for the first time – Out of habit, he tried to enter via a side entrance like he did when he used to work on the house – Dorinda insisted he come through the front door. I think it was a symbol of great pride for her – It was a pretty kewl story.
Okay, before I say anything more – Let me just say that I love, love, LOVE the mansion. To me, it feels homey – but it’s also very eclectic. I don’t mind eclectic if it’s tastefully done. I’m pretty eclectic myself. And I do love me some vibrant color… But holy crap on a cracker!
Every room was very unique, distinctive, and vibrantly colored which is no small feat – Especially when you’re dealing with the number of rooms she had to decorate. The other women said they all loved the home – And it seems that Dorinda made all of them feel completely at home in this fun, crazy environment. I think that’s what it’s all about, no?
LuAnn probably said it best when she described the inside as being just as colorful as Dorinda is… The main living room had 2 purple couches; one with gold pillows and the other with burnt orange pillows. There was also a turquoise couch and drapes. I love me some Dorinda – But for this particular room – It looks to me like she used the classic “Joker” as the inspiration for her color palette.
Dorinda tells the women she wants to come up with a name for the house while they’re there. Heather tells us that since Heather’s home is also in the Berkshires, she feels like she’s kind of like a cohost.
Ramona tells Carole and Kristen that her business partner is going to come to the dinner party the following evening. Of course Carole and Kristen question her about it – because that’s kind of what you do with your friends. Ramona wonders if it would be considered a “date.” She’s surprised that they both would call it a “date” – and Ramona insists that she thinks of him as her “friend.” Ramona refuses to say if they’ve kissed or not. I’m confused because Ramona JUST brought a guy named “Michael” to Dorinda’s other birthday party a few days earlier… But, in my defense, Ramona seems more confused than me about her relationships. Ramona is cautioned not to mix business with pleasure. Ramona gets all offended because evidently she knows that more than anyone else.
Carole tells Ramona that she’s going to suggest to Dorinda that she name the house “Bluestone Manor.” Later in the episode when they’re talking to Dorinda, Ramona tries to take credit for the name. In her TH, Carole says, “Apparently dresses aren’t the only thing that Ramona steals.” Oh, snap!
Ramona and Kristen are in a very, very blue room talking about what happened the previous week. Ramona didn’t like it that LuAnn brought up their conversation about “What’s His Name” (John) during Dorinda’s birthday dinner. Kristen says she thinks that John is flirty. Dorinda walks in on them while they’re talking and wants to know what they’re talking about. They are so busted!
Ramona explains to Dorinda that she was very disappointed in LuAnn’s timing and delivery during the dinner. Ramona noticed that LuAnn started to talk about it the minute Ramona physically got up and sat next to Dorinda and hugger her. Ramona is upset that LuAnn throws the dagger, “You made your girlfriend cry.” Kristen tells Dorinda that she had a conversation about John and that she had said that he was too touchy feely to her. Ramona in her Talking Head (TH) said, “Kristen – You’re absolutely dumb to tell Dorinda that John is too touchy – I mean thought you had a brain or two.” Whoa… Where did THAT come from? Yikes!
Dorinda reminds Kristen that she was right there shimmying with John, too. Kristen maintains that when he got too touchy feely for her that she walked away. Kristen was upset that her husband was standing there. I dunno – I think it would have been worse if her husband WASN’T standing right there – I mean it’s disrespectful either way you slice it, IMO, but at least it didn’t appear like she was hiding anything.
Dorinda says that it wasn’t a just a quick thing but instead they were dancing together for a couple of minutes. Dorinda seems to think that it was inappropriate that Kristen did it in front of her husband – But really, isn’t it JUST as inappropriate doing it in front of your girlfriend? At some point the “Mom” card was also used – And I just don’t even want to go there. Kristen said she was okay when she was dancing sandwich style with her front to John’s back… but that it was when they turned around that she felt very uncomfortable. Possibly because John was grinding his crotchel region into Kristen’s backside… But I’m only guessing…lol. Sonja – the other part of the human sandwich – Seemed to enjoy the whole danged thing.
Dorinda tells Kristen that she was embarrassed for Kristen and she was embarrassed for herself. Kristen is shocked. Dorinda tells Kristen that she made Dorinda look like an ass and that she should not do that crap. Kristen doesn’t understand why Dorinda is making such a big deal about it… She doesn’t feel like she did anything wrong and that she walked away. Dorinda accuses Kristen of acting “coquettish” and Kristen disagrees.
Dorinda wants to make sure everyone is going to be okay around John when he arrives the following day for her party. In fact, that is what she asked of them as her birthday gift – For no one to say anything negative about John and that they like him on her birthday. It’s not much to ask, right?
Dorinda gives us a little insight to her relationship with John. She explains that she had just met Richard when she turned 40 – and within 10 years they met, married and he died. She had no idea that she would be in this situation at the age of 50. She said that John has really been there for her over the last couple of years. He sat with her night after night as she wept – and often he wept with her. I really think that’s what we should all do – Weep with those who weep – and rejoice with those who rejoice. I think too often we insist that people “cheer up” instead of letting them have a good cry and process through their feelings. I think it’s because we’re uncomfortable with tears because we don’t know what to do or say to make things better – As if mere words could make the grieving process easier… I think we all need to get a grip. John got HUGE points from me on this one. I mean he got some serious points.
Ramona then said something in her TH that floored me. She admitted that she judged John too quickly and too harshly – And that it wasn’t right of her to do so. Whoa… She tells us that she’s happy when Dorinda’s happy. Okay, okay… I’ll try to look at his good qualities… I really will…
Heather appears and wants to know what’s happened. They rehash it to her. Sigh.
The women go to the Red Lion Inn for dinner. It’s where Heather got engaged…It’s a pretty great place and their special dining area reminded them of eating at their grandmother’s house. Ramona said that she was happy she was there and that surprisingly she really loves the Berkshires. I think she’s just not fond of going there in the middle of summer with no air conditioning…lol.
Even though there are 6 women at the table with all kinds of things to talk about – They decide to talk about Bethenny – Who isn’t there. They criticize Bethenny for leaving so quickly from Carole’s election night party. LuAnn tells everyone that she had a heart-to-heart with Bethenny about making more of an effort with everyone. The women express they just want an opportunity to get to know Bethenny. I don’t think they understand that Bethenny is not looking for friendships from this show – But rather a platform to sell her products. But okay… lol.
Ramona says that Bethenny is not and has never been a “girl’s girl.” She then she criticizes her that she had her stylists, makeup artists, and assistants at her birthday party. Ramona asks, “What girlfriends does she have?” I dunno – Maybe she has a point – But we’ve seen Bethenny with a few friends here and there throughout the years. She has told us that her circle of friends is small by design. I think very few get to be in Bethenny’s inner circle – Of course she has trust issues. Plus, when you have money – All of the sudden you have a whole bunch of friends who are extending their hands for their payouts. I’m sure Ramona hadn’t seen the footage from a couple of weeks ago of Bethenny in Florida with her maid-of-honor. They show a clip from a previous season when Ramona tells Bethenny that she has no friends. Talk about being harsh…
The women continue to talk and say that Bethenny has had to scratch her way through life. Carole tells the others about how Bethenny broke down in tears when they talked about how Bethenny wasn’t getting along with the rest of the women. Carole told Bethenny she had a branding problem. Heather does a huge eye roll. Kristen wants to know if they were real tears or if they were crocodile tears like “this one.” Ramona wants to know who “this one” is – And Kristen tells her it’s Ramona. They argue… Kristen maintains that Ramona has cried crocodile tears a couple of times… Ramona calls Kristen a jerk… I grow tired.
As if we all needed reminding again, LuAnn says Bethenny had a horrible relationship with her parents. Heather isn’t buying it for a second and says that a lot of people survive not having a good relationship with their mother. LuAnn says that if you can’t trust your mother that it affects your whole life and all of your relationships with women. LuAnn is really sticking up for Bethenny – It’s pretty kewl to see.
Heather concludes that the other women are scared of Bethenny. She doesn’t understand why they cut her so much slack. It seems like she thinks that Bethenny is excused for what she says and does because she is going through a lot. Heather points at some of the others who are also going through a lot.
In tonight’s edition of, “I KID YOU NOT” – Heather says, I kid you not, “I just went through the major change in my life – Where I moved from my nanny for 9 years…” Okay, is it just me, or did Heather just actually compare the perils of having to change nannies with: 1) those who grew up in homes filled with abuse (Ramona, Bethenny); 2) the 5 women who have gone through divorce – Some of them very public divorces; and, 3) the 2 widows (Dorinda and Carole). Wow… In LuAnn’s TH, she emphasizes that Heather just compared losing her nanny to the abuses that Bethenny experienced while growing up. LuAnn doesn’t think it’s a great comparison.
Ramona decides to go on a diatribe by saying how everyone goes through hard times like divorce, death, losing a job – but that we all need to find our inner strength to say, “It’s going to be okay.”
Dorinda thinks that’s all bologna and that instead, what you say is “I just have to get up this morning.” She talks about how you’re lucky if you’re feeling well enough to even take a shower. Dorinda and Carole talk about how you really can’t say that it’s all going to be okay because it’s really NOT going to be okay… These two know the kind of grief and loss that leaves a permanent hole in your heart. I think you don’t get over it – but you just get through it. Carole concludes that it’s a different level of tragedy. They all cheers to Dorinda’s birthday!
The following day is Dorinda’s birthday, and Sonja arrives wearing what Dorinda describes as a “19th century Dracula outfit.” I don’t think she was being critical – just descriptive. Carole is wearing a “stop talking” sweatshirt… I die laffin’… Heather comes down wearing the same animal print vest and cream shirt as Ramona is wearing. Aww… That’s cute… They’re twinsies!
The women all decide to go shopping but nothing interesting happens except that Sonja and Ramona embarrass Carole by walking down the street singing…lol… Oh, and Ramona confronts LuAnn about what she said at Dorinda’s birthday dinner. LuAnn said that she was kind of caught up in the moment and admits she could have chosen a better place and time to talk about it. Ramona thinks LuAnn “pulled a Ramona” – Blurting out something at the wrong place and time. I think Ramona’s lucky LuAnn didn’t push her face in some caviar.
All the men start arriving for the festivities starting with “What’s His Name” (John) bringing tidings of a case of pink champagne. Ramona had already brought a case of her “Ramona Pinot Grigio” so it looks like they have plenty to drink. And what’s a Bravo party without a lot of alcohol. Heather’s husband John and Kristen’s husband Josh also arrive… Wow… I guess everyone who dates or marries these women have names that start with “J”… I mean even Jason Hoppy fit that particular bill…
Sonja comes downstairs dressed in a lingerie robe that frequently opens. She poses sexually and postures and rubs up against “What’s His Name” (John). Dorinda laffs it off in her TH that John is looking at Sonja with Roger Rabbit eyes… Sonja greets and frontally hugs John while barely keeping her robe closed. She tells John that he can touch her… I get the case of the creepies again…
Dorinda must be a much more tolerant person than I because I would NOT be okay with that at all. It’s not like I think that something would actually happen. I guess to me, both John and Sonja are disrespecting Dorinda when they do that crap – Harmless and playful as it may be. Sonja is perpetually in heat – or at least pretends that she is – So for me, while I’m sure she would never consciously do anything wonky – She has shown she is able to cross a lot of boundaries when she’s under the influence. Sonja’s reason for being there at that point is that she forgot to bring a dress and she needs to borrow one… I just shake my head. Doesn’t she have an entire clothing line from which to choose? Oh right… It’s not available yet. Nevermind… lol…
Bethenny walks in with flowers in her hand and the look on Heather’s face is absolutely priceless… She is so NOT happy and it makes me laff. Bethenny explains that she decided to go to Dorinda’s after her daughter went to bed to surprise her. Bethenny made an entire experience out of the trip with her daughter – They traveled in a limo with lots of pillows and blankets and watched Princess movies together… Dorinda felt very honored that Bethenny took the effort to come to her birthday party… Heather immediately chides Bethenny for not telling her she was coming with her daughter because Heather also brought her kids who were also staying at a hotel off-site. OMG… I already grow tired…
Before everyone sits down for dinner, Carole goes into LuAnn’s room with her laptop. She google searched “Peter” – Ramona’s business partner and date for the evening. She found an article that talks about how Peter allegedly dated Mario’s alleged mistress (did I use the word “alleged” enough…I hope so… lol) LuAnn asks Carole if she’s going to tell Ramona about the article and Carole is so not going to tell her. When they go down for dinner…LuAnn and Carole can’t wait to clue in Heather while they’re standing like 20 feet away from Ramona… And, as if on cue… In walks Peter… Oh see… He’s doomed already cuz his name doesn’t start with a “J.”
Bethenny thinks everyone is wearing Knott’s landing costumes complete with long gloves… I’m distracted by the lighted ceramic Christmas trees that are behind Dorinda and John’s head – because we used to have one of those. I love it. Everyone seems to be having a good time. Dorinda completely rolls with Bethenny showing up to a formal dinner party unannounced. Ramona leans into her date…
John announces that they have a gourmet sushi chef who will be preparing the meal. Bethenny makes a comment that she only eats shellfish. Rut roh… I think if you show up to a dinner party without RSVPing – That you eat what you’re served or you don’t eat. Heather tells Dorinda that Bethenny is allergic to fish with fins. Wow… I have never heard of that… I know plenty of people who are allergic to fish in general – or shellfish specifically – but not “fish with fins.” Hmmm….
Dorinda tells Bethenny that she has some hummus. Heather tries to get involved in solving this globally important critical issue of what is Bethenny going to eat for dinner. Wait… Does Bethenny even actually eat? Anyhoo… Bethenny insists she’ll be fine… Heather gets grumpy about the whole thing… Ramona in her TH tells Heather that Bethenny is an adult and can take care of herself and that, “You’re not her mommy, Heather.” Meanwhile, Heather leans over to Carole to tell her about the big kerfuffle about Bethenny not eating fish. Heather says that on one hand she’s feeling bad for Bethenny but on the other hand she thinks she’s mean and that, “She really is harsh.”
In her TH, Heather says that she’s never dealt with someone who is turned off by someone trying to be nice. Then Heather complains about not even being able to give Bethenny a meatball. Bethenny tells Sonja that she doesn’t want therapy… She doesn’t want to be helped… She just wants to be left alone…
Bethenny tells us that she always feels like Heather is taking her temperature. Mr. Stars99 comments, “Is that rectally or orally?” I die laffin’… Bethenny seems to be confused at how someone she just met is talking to her about her custody schedule, how she’s dealing with things, and her childhood… Bethenny says she feels like she’s being clocked.
Heather suddenly spills the beans and tells the entire table that they have a journalist amongst them – And so they looked Peter up on the internet. Peter good naturedly plays along and they talk about whether or not it was nice stuff. Then Heather starts to talk to him about his businesses… and out of nowhere, Bethenny suddenly starts talking to the bottles/glasses of booze in front of her saying, “I love you… I love you… I love you… I love you all the same…” It was really wonky… Is she drunk? Or is she doing it for attention?
In light of Heather’s conversation at the table with Peter, Bethenny offers to take Dorinda’s brother into the bathroom to help him end it all… She asks if he would like a slow death with a butter knife or a quick one involving an artery? Sonja and Bethenny are laughing… Peter asks how many times a week they have this kind of a roast… He laughs at the situation and says that he told his driver outside not to shut the car off – Just so he can leave at any time. I gotta say, I kinda like this guy… He has a great sense of humor.
Heather tells Bethenny that she’s going to have to separate her and Sonja because they talk through every conversation. Bethenny says there’s 20 people at the table and that they’re allowed to have a conversation. Heather tells Bethenny that she was just making a joke and tells her that she has to lighten up – That she’s too serious. Wait… Didn’t you just say that you were going to have to separate Sonja and Bethenny because they were laughing and talking? Heather – You are soooooooooooooooooo danged confusing. This season, you have somehow turned into this raging pain in the dupa – I just don’t understand it. This isn’t a flattering look on you… Maybe your “Yummie” shapewear is too tight or something…
Heather tells Bethenny that she doesn’t understand why Bethenny acts the way she does when she’s trying to be nice to her. Bethenny honestly says she feels like Heather is trying “to tend to her” and they really don’t even know each other yet. Heather says that she can tell her what she wants to fu***ng tell her. Heather says, “Don’t tell me how to talk… Don’t tell me what to do…” Bethenny said she didn’t tell Heather how to talk or what to do… Heather wants Bethenny to be clear on what her intention was… But Bethenny said she doesn’t need Heather to talk to her like this…
Bethenny tells Heather that she’s exhausting and, “I’m not interested in this.” I think “I’m not interested in this” is this season’s, “Shut the F**k up.” Lol… Heather tells Bethenny she doesn’t have to be interested in Heather – But that she should be interested in Sonja… Bethenny quickly responds, “Okay… just like, get off me.” I guess I just don’t understand this whole conversation – Bethenny HAS shown an interest in Sonja – all season. Plus she just got into trouble for talking to her too much. I just don’t understand Heather’s comments at all. Perhaps Heather was just trying to bring drama to a Bravo dinner party… I dunno. But seriously, Heather – To me, this makes you look like a gooberhead.
Dorinda says of Heather, “Sometimes Heather goes from teaching to preaching.” Bethenny says that sometimes she doesn’t want attention – That she just wants to breathe and be light. Heather says it Bethenny is making it sound like she’s suffocating her… Bethenny doesn’t want to get into anything otherwise she will be on the floor sobbing… She wants her walls to be up and working. People tell Heather to take a step back.
Then inexplicably, Heather gets up and walks over to Bethenny and tries to take her by the hand to go and talk to her in another room. That’s the LAST THING Bethenny is going to want to do. Is this all because Carole had a heart-to-heart with Bethenny and now Heather wants one too? Surely, it can’t be… Bethenny doesn’t want to deal with anything…Bethenny is saying, “Just walk away.” Heather starts crying… Bethenny is in tears… The words, “To Be Continued…” fill the TV screen. OMG… We have another week of this? KMN! (Kill me now!).
The following chart depicts this season’s viewership by episode (Thanks to Randy at http://bravowhore.com/):
Last week, when a “mysterious” person (some think it was Jill Z in disguise) suggested on Twitter that @Andy fire Bethenny because she didn’t save the RHONYC’s ratings this year, Andy responded, “uh they’re up double digits from last season pal! Over 2 million an episode! We’re poppin bottles.”
I admit I was confused because I checked the stats that I used in the chart with 2 different sites. They both agree that the week of 5/19 had only 1,089,000 viewers… That’s a far cry from “over 2 million an episode.” Now, Andy could be referring to “LIVE+SD” which is the number of people who watched a show while it was broadcasted or watched by DVR on the same day it was broadcasted… Or he could be referring to “LIVE + SD + 3” or “LIVE + SD + 7” which is the number of people who watched a show while it was broadcasted or watched it by DVR 3 or 7 days from the original airdate…. Or he could be adding up all the days it was rebroadcast throughout the week plus all of the above categories. Or he could be using new math… I have no idea…
Statistics can be very deceiving depending on the semantics used to explain them. Statistics can be spun in a whole lot of ways. Even the first part of Andy’s response, “up double digits from last season” could simply mean that viewership is up by as little as 10 people because technically, that’s the definition of “double digits.” This season’s total average viewership (1,364,875) is up a little from last season’s total average viewership (1,289,130) it’s still not even close to the franchise high viewership from Season 4 (2,039,833).
I have found that it’s wisest to compare apples to apples to apples. While I think there is certainly validity in considering viewership from all the categories above – In years past, those statistics weren’t easily accessible. To be fair, I do find myself watching many shows by DVR 1 or 2 weeks after they air – Because, after all – Aren’t we all busy? But until the exact same sourcing for statistics occurs for several years in a row – In my opinion, it’s unfair to compare apples to oranges.
For the purposes of comparing viewership, I will continue to compare apples to apples to apples. I mean, it’s the only fair way to do it, no? After all, it’s really not fair to compare the viewership of a show that is rerun 10 times in a week to a show that is only aired once. Also, perhaps this year – The statistic gatherers gained access to additional cable company statistics. I think that would give an unfair numbers advantage to a current show versus last year’s show when the statistics just weren’t available. Perhaps someone else has some additional information on this topic…
Don’t even get me talking about “On Demand”…LOL! It cracks me up how Real Housewives of New York City and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are available on my cable company’s (Time Warner) “On Demand” system – but Real Housewives of Atlanta is not. It really forces you to watch the show live, DVR it, or catch a rerun of it. I’m sure there’s a calculated strategy for this – Probably relating to driving up the numbers that potential advertisers use or something. It has just always amused me. It is the most watched show of all the “Real Housewives” franchises. Somehow, it’s all about money – We can be sure of that… Either potential earnings or money the networks have to pay the cable companies for “On Demand” accessibilities.
While last week’s RHONYC episode increased from the season low of the previous week – It still was the 2nd lowest viewed episode this season.
Heather bellyaches more about Bethenny and decides to put on her “scully so that bitch knows who she’s dealing with.” Bethenny is talking to Ramona and Sonja about something and says that she would rather eat glass than to talk about what they’re talking about… Back in NYC… Ramona asks Avery if her dad has told her that he’s trying to pursue Ramona so to speak – Avery says she doesn’t ask many questions – And Ramona says that’s smart… LuAnn is agitated with Bethenny and asks if they are friends or not – Bethenny tells LuAnn that LuAnn can’t deliver things in pretty packages that aren’t pretty… Kristen is cranky that Carole told her that she was dumb… But at least she’s “Preeeeeeety.”
Well, that’s it for this week – Thanks for reading… Hope to see you next week… Happy Trails!
Million Dollar Listing New York – The Proposal – by NotInStCyr
This is the episode we’ve been waiting for. We’ve seen previews of the big moment and really, I wish that was the only thing I could write about. Have patience. We need to wade through some of Fredrik’s personal life and Luis’ megalomania first.
Last week, Luis promised to focus the entire planet on the last remaining townhome in Gerard Longo’s Cobble Hill development in Brooklyn. Luis wants to use the international press to create enough buzz to interest international buyers in the property. His real goal, however, is to impress Longo and become the broker for his developments. Unfortunately, Luis failed to do his research and didn’t discover that Longo already had an in-house team of brokers. Let’s give Luis some credit, because inviting the press and a lot of media freeloaders to a catered event did result in a few articles in foreign publications that mentioned the townhome. He can’t wait to email the articles to Laura, the executive vice president from Longo’s firm, who doubted him. You just know he’d love to tell her, “Nyah, nyah, nyah, na na!”
Ryan has already sold 3 of the 4 units in Yvonne’s new building on the Upper East Side. The last remaining unit is the top floor duplex that has an asking price of $4.75 million. The developer has spared no expense in outfitting the penthouse, which Ryan shows to a Greek family with a particularly rambunctious son. Ryan tries to create a bond with them by mentioning that he has a Greek girlfriend. He utters the one phrase he says he knows in Greek. When the family breaks out in laughter, he realizes that it didn’t mean what he thought it meant. Instead of saying “I love you” in Greek, Emilia has apparently being saying “You drive me crazy” all this time. Adorbs.
Fredrik has gone home to Stockholm to seal a deal his firm has brokered. Eklund Stockholm is apparently very successful, with $40 million in commissions and offices in London, Helsinki, Oslo and, well, Stockholm. He’s obviously an extremely driven workaholic. As a kid, I once set up a lemonade stand on a borrowed card table. At the same age, Fredrik probably started up a multinational beverage company.
Eklund Stockholm has sold 6 out of 7 homes in a development in an exclusive Swedish ski resort. Fredrik wants to have a hand in selling the last chalet. The Sunset Peak villa is beautifully crafted in the warm, comfortable and sleek Scandinavian style we’ve all come to love. Think IKEA times several million. The home is listed at the equivalent of $1.4 million.
Ryan and JD have been calling various city agencies, as well as the Mayor’s office and the NYPD, in an attempt to shut down Times Square. He’s repeatedly told “it can’t be done!” They don’t know Ryan very well, do they?
Luis goes to Brooklyn for a showing of the unfinished Cobble Hill townhome. He’s met by Laura, Longo’s EVP, who hugs him. Luis’ strategy finally impressed her. They tour the space with a Brazilian developer who may be interested in buying the property for himself as an investment.
Derek and Fredrik go to see his brother, sister-in-law and father. It’s obvious that he’s close to all of them, and he feels guilty for living so far away in New York. Fredrik tells his family that Derek has finally come around and is ready to start a family. The first person Fredrik approached for an egg donation was Malin, his sister-in-law. Although she was willing, Sigge, his brother – not so much, thereby sparing the Eklunds some very confusing family reunions. Klaus, Fredrik’s father, reminds him that he needs to reduce his workload if he wants to see his child regularly, as he was unable to do because of his career. Fredrik feels that since he went to New York with the intention of becoming the number 1 broker in the city, he shouldn’t have any trouble becoming the number 1 father. He’s even willing to reprioritize and settle for being the number 2 broker in New York. Somewhere Luis is rubbing his hands together and saying, “My chance at last!”.
Ryan is still trying to find a way to shut down Times Square. One functionary finally admits that it was done once before, apparently for Tom Cruise. We never find out if this was for a movie, or whether Mr. Cruise popped the question to any of his ex-wives there.
We spend some time in the Swedish Aspen, as Fredrik calls it. Åre is only 1 hour away by plane from Stockholm, which makes it a convenient and desirable destination for wealthy Europeans. Sadly, this is probably the only time I’ll get to use the A with the little halo over it. Fredrik has scheduled private showings with a few Swedes, who are a little resistant to the unusually high price of the property. Fredrik is in his element showing off the amenities, including a kitchen island that he deems “3 Fredriks long”. Yes, he has now made himself a unit of measurement. He brushes aside the steep asking price, assuring potential buyers it will be worth owning the best house in town.
Ryan is bringing Yvonne an offer of $4.5 million for the duplex, which is below the list price of $4.75 million. He’s a little hesitant, saying, “I can’t negotiate…she’ll take my firstborn!” She does indeed give Ryan a hard time and refuses the offer, noting that all the other units sold for the full asking price. At Yvonne’s insistence, Ryan actually succeeds in getting the offer increased by $25,000, which he describes as a “lot of money…like part of an engagement ring”. Yvonne finally lets Ryan off the hook, accepts the deal and tells him that she actually would have taken the $4.5 million offer. She wants to know if he’s ready for the next project.
Luis is putting on a lot of miles on the Maserati, as he returns to Brooklyn to meet with Longo. Luis is pleased as a puppy to present the developer with an offer of $3.75 million for the Cobble Hill townhome. He quickly adds that he can probably get the bid up. Longo, however, dashes Luis’ dreams by telling him that his team has already received an offer at the full asking price. Luis quickly makes lemonade out of lemons, and tells us that this was a “win”, because he showed that he has vision and can deliver. The developer, on the other hand, only promises to “consider” Luis for future projects.
We then get to watch Luis interview people for a job on his team. He asks, “What’s so amazing about you?…What value do you bring to me?” I’d like to know where is he going to put the new employee, since he already shares a small office with Ronita. Is he going to build a bunk desk above her head? Luis confides his plan to take over the world with an “army of successful brokers”. By the way, did you notice the name plate on his desk? It reads, “Luis Ortiz — Boom!” Really, Luis, a catchphrase? I bet you he watches every episode of the Apprentice, too.
Fredrik is throwing a party for international buyers at the lodge where he and Derek are staying. He’s also invited Anna, his best friend, who is also an egg naysayer. He hopes to change her mind, now that Project Milla is a go.
It’s 7:00 am and Ryan and Emilia are driving through Manhattan on the way to Boston for a family birthday party. Around Times Square, Ryan says that he wants to stop at a Starbucks and makes Emilia get out of the car. Times Square is usually one of the loudest, flashiest and crowded spots in the world. Now, it’s eerily desolate and quiet, which seems to fill Emilia with dread. She nervously asks what’s going on. Ryan tells us that he wants to create a fairy tale memory for Emilia that they’ll be able to tell their grandchildren about. He also says that this is the birth of a new life for him. Looking like the last people on earth (except for the String Quartet playing in the background), they walk along the huge, empty space. Ryan then tells Emilia, “You’re The One” and directs her attention to an electronic billboard facing them. It reads “I love you Puffer Munkin” in Greek. Puffer Munkin is either Emilia’s pet name, or the name of a rare species of Puffin that only lives in Greece and subsists on feta cheese. I may have missed that David Attenborough episode. Ryan, the former womanizer and all-around MDLNY scoundrel, gets down on one knee and opens a box to reveal a ring. When he asks her to marry him, she’s so shocked, she forgets to answer him. With a little prompting, she finally whispers, “yes”. Like the ending of a corny Harlequin romance novel, they fold into each other for a long embrace in Times Square. Ryan tells us that words can’t describe what he’s feeling. I have to confess that this moment melted my jaded, cynical, Grinch-like shriveled heart. Sniffle.