Brandi Glanville Podcast by Kit9
Guest: Dennis Hof, pimp, of Bunny Ranch, HBO show Cathouse and his girlfriend, Chrissie, Bunny Ranch prostitute; former pornstar Ron Jeremy.
Ron Jeremy, famous for his huge penis, has “murdered” many women’s vaginas, according to Brandi. Dennis has a book, The Art of Pimp, coming out. Dennis thinks the book industry isn’t what it used to be, quality wise. Brandi, agrees, saying every celebrity has a book out and they’re ghost written “garbage.”
Queen of Scorned Women, Brandi, as she has in the past, blames women for their husbands leaving them when Dennis asks what women are doing in the bedroom to make their man happy. “Not enough, I’ll tell you that with the divorce rate,” she says. “Exactly,” agrees pimp Dennis (no word on what men are doing to keep their wives happy).
Late comic Andy Kaufman frequented the Bunny Ranch (I really wish I could unknow that. Loved Andy. I remember watching him on SNL as a little kid!) Dennis once had a promotion to give winning grandpas free services at the Ranch. Three grandpa’s won the prize but one died having dinner at the Ranch before he ever got to the sex.
Their latest promotion is Hookers For Hillary (I’m sure Hillary is thrilled). Apparently, Dennis’ magazine featured a cover with two of his girls and Bill Clinton (I’m sure Hillary was thrilled). Chrissie says that Obamacare allowed the girls at the Ranch to get health insurance and it’s one reason they’d support Hillary. “Legal prostitutes-before that they had to pay out of pocket.” “That’s a big deal to them. They pay their taxes like everyone else. If it was illegal, I’d understand.”
Dennis doesn’t provide a health care plan to the prostitutes at the Ranch. The girls are like independent contractors. Dennis says the average girl at the Ranch work just a week a month and make six figure salaries. Top earners make a half million a year. Dennis claims they weren’t allowed to buy insurance at any price because he says the industry is ignorant and lumped together his girls with illegal prostitutes even though it’s legal in Nevada (huh?)
Brandi asks if men have to show “papers” confirming that they’re disease free to get service at the ranch. No. The girls are pretested before working at the Ranch. And, then blood tested weekly after that. They also use condoms. Dennis claims that 1 in 4 young girls have an STD in America so he no longer “dates civilian girls” (Kit claims that 1 in 4 hideous fat old pimps have STD’s in America).
Are there different prices for different girls? The girls set their own prices according to sex act. Prices can range from 3 hundred to a million, Chrissie says. Does Dennis have trouble finding girls? He claims he gets a thousand girls a month applying for work at his Ranch (why don’t I believe a thing this man says?).
Brandi is looking over a Bunny Ranch Menu and asks if all the girls featured “are actually at the Bunny Ranch because they’re very attractive”(lol! Key word here being ‘actually’). Dennis claims they are. Several of the girls were in Hustler and Penthouse. One was in Marie Claire, he says.
Dennis describes the Ranch as being like a resort. They have a chef and a full time trainer. Brandi would rather have her husband go to a prostitute than have an emotional relationship with another woman. Chrissie says men go to the Ranch, then go home to their wives who they love. Brandi says that her husband cheated but it wasn’t about her (unlike those women Brandi blames for their husbands leaving them). The Ranch gets couples as well as single men.
Brandi believes men are animals. “They think like animals. It’s just sex to them.” Ron Jeremy says women are catching up on that front and says that the term “boytoy” is used more now where it didn’t exist before. Chrissie says that a man can have the hottest girlfriend in the world but still seek out sex with “a disgusting girl..it’s so gross.” Former madam, Heid Fleiss, once told Dennis that men will “fuck mud.” Brandi thinks men will “fuck down” because it’s easier for them while Dennis thinks they want variety.
Ron Jeremy plays Brandi Happy Birthday on his harmonica. Brandi asks if the girls have different prices. Yes, again. Chrissie says a man once paid her $3,000 just to pray for her. There was no actual sex but he asked to masturbate on her clothes (not clear if that’s before or after he prayed for her). “That’s a fucked up mother fucker,” Brandi says. Chrissie had another man pay her $20,000 for her feet and to act out a scene from Twilight. “It was really weird.”
Brandi believes if California made prostitution legal there would be a lot less divorce. She thinks marriage is an “old fashioned” idea and tells her gay friends to be careful what they wish for. Brandi and Chrissie talk about the double standard men have when it comes to 3 ways. Brandi would have liked to have a 3 way with two men but that her ex wouldn’t do it. “That’s just sick,” he’d say.
Dennis believes his show has helped change sexual attitudes in America. Dennis claims he has a professor that is going to work at the Ranch and many of his girls work at the Ranch to pay off school loans. Brandi wants to know if Dennis has a “Dude Ranch” for women. He had plans to do it with Heidi Fleiss but she got in trouble and ended up on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.
Brandi talks about a gay strip bar in LA called Big Fat Dick where they have a nightly big dick contest. Ron Jeremy says he asks his gay friends “if they were born that way or sucked into it”*crickets* (Ron throws out dopey jokes like this a couple of times and Brandi flat ignores him). Brandi believes that everyone is “gay for pay.” “There are those guys that will do anything for a buck.”
Brandi, again (again), puts the responsibility for philandering men on women saying, “I think it’s important for women..if you’re in gym clothes all day and you don’t put makeup on and you’re not trying and you’re only having sex on your back, he’s gonna look elsewhere.” She suggests doing it in the car or out in public. Wear an apron with nothing on underneath in high heels while cooking dinner, she suggests. “There’s nothing more attractive to a man than that” (this idea is grosser to me than the praying masturbator).
“If the majority of women just got their head around it, like they’re so prim and proper, I think that there would be a lot less cheating,” Brandi says (I really hope Brandi’s legion of scorned women listen to her podcast!). Dennis asks her opinion about the sex lives of her cast mates on the show. Brandi says that she and Yolanda talk about it and that “she’s sick right now” but David is “freaky for sure” and they “do fine.” She can’t picture anyone else on the show having sex.
Brandi’s tried to bring it up with them but they “all act shocked” and say they don’t do that. “I try to bring it up to shock them (no!) to talk about something interesting. And then they say, “she’s so crass!” Chrissie says that people from back home in Michigan are so conservative and shocked by what she does (well, I’m from Las Vegas and I’m shocked).
Chrissie’s mother was a Southern Baptist and doesn’t like what Chrissie does. When Chrissie met Dennis she was 23 and had only had sex once. She had been with a boyfriend for 3 years and thought she’d marry him. He was a preacher’s son and they had sex once and then had to repent for it. She’s 26 now and Brandi quips that she’s made up for lost time. “Definitely,” says Chrissie.
Male strip clubs don’t turn Brandi on. Brandi and Chrissie both hate dick pics. And, Brandi won’t send pics of her “down under” to men. “Just the top of it but not all up in it,” she says. Then Chrissie, THE HOOKER, says she doesn’t like graphic photos of women “spread eagle.” “I hate that”, she says. “It’s kinda gross,” adds Brandi. Chrissie agrees,”When I see girls on Twitter, like porn stars, like spread eagle..that’s so trashy!” she says, “I hate that..it’s really gross when girls, like, show every detail.”
Let that sink in for just a mo’ as I try to keep my head from exploding.
They talk the trouble people have gotten into sexting, like Anthony Weiner. Brandi says politicians are probably the worst offenders and need to go to the Ranch. Dennis says they do. The beauty of the Ranch, Dennis says, is they can do it with anonymity. The girls sign contracts and he says they’d keep them in court for the rest of their lives if they broke them and went public.
Dennis talks about the perks of living in Nevada-no taxes, guns, drinking and gambling 24 hours a day and “hips, lips and fingertips” (eww) at the Bunny Ranch. Brandi had never heard that charming saying before and thinks it’s cute. Brandi talks about her “stripper nails,” prompting Jeremy to mention that porn stars always have one finger with a short nail (beyone eww). Chrissie implores men to clip their nails. “it hurts!” (not as much as listening to this podcast).
Ron just shot a documentary about his life and his recent heart surgery. He has the same condition as the late John Ritter. Brandi says that at her last (latest) house warming party, one of her friends took off her top and started running around. “Imagine housewives and cameras and they’re, like, all mortified…so I’m like, let’s do it! I started to take off my shirt and my BF said no way! And, I’m like, you’re the fucking fun police.” “It’s just the women are like, ‘oh she’s trash.’ I’m not, I’m just fun..I always have fun.. my girlfriends and I, no matter where we go, we are the party. And, people like to talk poorly about it.”
Starring the RHOMelbourne
I am not usually terribly awake when I stumble in to my home office and flip on the computer at O’Dark-Thirty on any given morning with my first cup of coffee in hand…I want to sip a succulently brewed cup of coffee while I peruse the internet, check the blogs, check TMZ , check CNN, read the obits (so if I find my name I know I don’t have to go in to work, ya know?) It is all about waking up on the top side of the grass, slowly, gently, and with the proper amount of decadence right?
I think my mouse was headed to Lynnfam.com to check the blogs, but my Twitter icon is right next to that on the toolbar, and lo and behold…I hit Twitter first, and talk about being gobsmacked…I certainly woke up in a hurry.
This all took place after Reunion Part 1 from the Melbourne ladies, and if you will please notice, Chyka, Gina, and Gamble were noticeably absent from all this bickering…stellar move ladies!
U.S. HW’s get into it sometimes too, but the Aussies took it to a new level all over Drunk-Gate…
- Was she drinking?
- Does drinking mean none or 2?
- 2 what?
- Glasses, bottles, liters?
- If someone keeps topping off your glass, is it still just 1 drink?
I think after seeing this tirade I may have more questions than answers…what about you? Do you call this cutting to the quick or just HW banter?
What is the most revealing revelation in all this?
EXTRA – EXTRA – ~~ “AS THE WORM TURNS”
Just as I was about to send this off to Veena, I ran across an interview from OK Magazine of Jackie, Chyka, and Janet (who said in the Reunion Part 2 that she wishes she had never brought up the rumor) throwing shade and still repeating it…and the ladies dishing on Gina saying she is irrelevant! Really? Y’all are going with that statement? Here is the transcript:
Read full transcript – courtesy of OK! Magazine
OK!: What do you think about Gamble Breaux?
Janet: I started off on the wrong foot with Gamble. But now we’re at a stage where we filmed a lot of this 6 months ago, and during that period of time and during the promos, Gamble and I are probably the two that like to drink the most out of the group.
OK!: Why do Pettifleur Berenger and Gamble keep talking about each other’s finances?
Chyka: I was really mortified when Pettifleur started going on about Gamble and whether or not she had her own money. It’s actually not a very Australian thing to talk about. We don’t talk about money, and the fact that she kept asking that question and doubting where Gamble’s getting her money, we don’t care!
OK!: What is your opinion on Pettiefleur?
Jackie: I think she’s probably not coming across too good on camera. But off camera she’s pretty sweet and she’s actually quite humble. Maybe she came into this season, she feels like she has to prove something. Maybe it comes from her ethnic background. Maybe she’s always felt like she’s had to do that her whole life. So maybe that’s her way of maybe not really defining herself, but maybe it’s her way of trying to feel like she’s part of the group.
Janet: I have an issue with Pettifleur. I find that off camera, when I have tried to get close to her, she just continually tells me about ‘Didn’t I look great in that outfit? Wasn’t that a great necklace?’ After about 10 minutes, I just start to glaze over.
OK!: What do you guys think about Gina Liano?
Janet: I think Gina’s irrelevant. I haven’t gotten anything to say about it.
Chyka: Gina’s her own person. She does her own thing. She lives by her own rules, and that’s it.
OK!: There are bad rumors going around on the show about Gamble. What are those rumors?
Janet: She was a hooker, and hooker and a stripper, and had sex parties. It sounds to me like she is having a damn fine time.
OK!: What are your thoughts on Lydia Schiavello?
Janet: Lydia was the one who told me about the sex parties. Lydiot allowed me to get smashed for the whole season when all she had to say is, “I was actually the one that told her.”
OK!: Chyka, how you and your husband make time for each other when you guys are running three businesses together?
Chyka: He’s involved in everything. He knows every decision that we make. When there’s a problem, he knows about it. He’s become friends with the girls and their partners. So I feel blessed and very supported.
OK!: How have you guys avoided the housewives marriage curse?
Chyka: Suddenly one person goes from being maybe not the one that’s noticed all the time to being frontal. But as long as he and I are strong, and with my kids too, that’s very important. WE talk about everything, so there’s no secrets.”
OK!: Jackie, what’s the hardest part about being married to a musician?
Jackie: Where I’m very blessed is that Ben’s been in the public eye since the age of 13-14. Traveling the world with some of the biggest bands in America and the world, so he actually said to me, ‘If you do this, I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen.’ He gave me the pros. He gave me the cons. So it was very much like I had that support.”
OK!: Who is your favorite housewife and why?
Jackie: I think we both really like Yolanda. She’s gone on a very deep spiritual path and she remembers where she’s come from. It’s not just about her being sick. You can actually see the authenticity within her.
Janet: I had never watched it before I was asked. We had to watch an episode before we signed our contract. So I went home that night and Atlanta was on and the girls had a huge big fight around the swimming pool in these sequin dresses and they are all pulling each other’s wigs off and I rang them and I said, ‘No, no! I could never!’
OK!: Why are you guys so open about plastic surgery?
Jackie: I don’t think there is anything to hide!
Chyka: No. I think if you want to do something, do it and do it with pride!
POSTMORTEM is still coming…just ran into a busy week…will get to it as soon as possible.
Ciao for now!