Million Dollar Listing New York by NotInStCyr
Are you still feeling a romantic glow from last week’s episode? I’ve been hugging my cat a lot more, much to her annoyance. I’ll probably never have a boyfriend who will close down Times Square for me. Heck, I count myself lucky if a guy even holds the door open.
Fredrik and the paint-dappled perfection that is Derek are still in Sweden. Fredrik is combining business with pleasure: he wants to sell the last ski chalet in a luxury home development would like to convince his best friend, Anna, to reconsider her decision not to donate her eggs for Project Milla.
Luis is walking to an appointment on the Upper East Side, giving the Maserati some much needed rest. Keeping a car in New York costs a small fortune. When my sister lived there, the monthly cost of parking her SUV in a garage was more than I paid in rent. Anyway, Luis is trying to get the listing for a penthouse owned by a South African developer named Garin. The triplex is vast and has an additional 1,500 sq. ft. of outdoor space with 270 degree views. On the downside, the shower in the master bathroom is covered entirely in gold tile. That means that for the rest of the episode, we have to endure a lot of smutty innuendos about “golden showers”. You should also know that the apartment was once owned by Star Jones, but I’m not sure that’s considered a selling point. Garin is adamant that he wants everything handled directly by Luis and not one of his assistants. Luis assures him that he will dedicate himself to selling the penthouse and not delegate the matter to any other broker. Since he doesn’t have any team members other than his assistant, Ronita, it’s sort of a true statement. The property is priced at $2.995 million.
Ryan goes to 22 Renwick in West Soho, a newly rezoned part of Manhattan that has become a hotbed of redevelopment. He joins forces with Olivia, his former assistant, who is now a full-fledged broker on his team. They meet with a developer who has two penthouses to sell. The first apartment is a 2,702 sq. ft. triplex with several balconies, a rooftop deck and a lot of Carrera marble. The second penthouse has 2,000 sq. ft. of space spread out over one floor, plus two outdoor terraces. Ryan wants Olivia to handle the triplex, while he concentrates on the smaller apartment. After some dickering back and forth, they convince the developer to list the triplex for $6.35 million and the smaller penthouse for $4 million. If successful, Ryan and Olivia will each walk away with a $155,250 commission. A bet is made: if Olivia sells the triplex before Ryan sells the other penthouse, he’ll have to wear a bunny suit (“because it’s funny”) and be her assistant for the day. If she loses, Olivia has to jump into the Hudson River after making sure her shots are up to date.
Luis is prepping Garin’s apartment for private showings. First, he brings in a photographer to reshoot the triplex, because he feels that the previous broker didn’t emphasize the beautiful views and layout.
Fredrik goes dog sledding with Helen, the person he’s identified as most likely to buy the remaining villa in the ski resort. They stop at a beautiful spot in front of the local frozen lake. Åre Lake, if you must know. Fredrik wants Helen to take in the “winter wonderland” panorama that could be hers if she and her husband cough up several million Kroner. Demonstrating that there is nothing he won’t do in pursuit of a deal, Fredrik tussles playfully with Helen in the snow until she agrees to pay the full asking price. Sales tactics sure are different in Sweden. In any event, they work. Helen will buy the ski chalet, and Fredrik will leave Sweden with a $41,280 commission. Would the Greco-Roman wrestling tactics work in Manhattan?
Luis is showing Garin’s apartment and is particularly gratified when one of New York’s better known brokers strolls in and seems interested in the triplex for one of his clients. Everything falls in place and within a short amount of time, Luis has an offer of $2.75 million. Garin makes a counter offer of $2.9 million, which is accepted. Luis credits the “Luis Ortiz touch” for getting the property sold so quickly.
Ryan walks into the penthouse he’s selling and is shocked to find all the beautiful furniture used to stage it gone. He tries to figure out what happened and eventually contacts Olivia, who admits to brazenly moving all the furniture into her penthouse. Ryan realizes that he shouldn’t have been so nice to his protégé and ruefully acknowledges that “I taught her too well”. Still, he hopes she knows how to swim.
Fredrik, Derek and Anna finally get together to talk. We learn that Fredrik has been friends with Anna since he was 11. She admits that she’s given more thought to the situation. However, she has a new boyfriend, and it’s just not something she can do right now. Fredrik is disappointed and a little tearful, while Derek seems to take Anna’s decision in stride. Ultimately, they all want to remain friends for life and grow old together.
Luis is concerned because it’s been 3 days and Mr. Famous Broker has not returned the signed contract for the penthouse. Luis and Ronita try to hunt him down, but there is no sign of him anywhere.
We get a little interlude in which Luis calls Ronita from his apartment, because he doesn’t have a spoon. Really. He doesn’t know why he’s currently spoonless, just that he is. Since she appears to be on cutlery duty, Luis orders Ronita to buy him a spoon or two. He then stirs the coffee with his finger. My, that is action-packed entertainment, Bravo. Next week, do we get thrilling footage of Ronita dealing with a paper jam?
Fredrik is back in New York. He’s visiting the 7,000 sq. ft. West Village townhome developed by Tom and Jared, who had initially balked at paying for the high-end finishes needed to justify the $22 million asking price. Now that the property has been completed, the developers want Fredrik to sell it right away—and I mean, right away. As soon as their meeting ends, one of the developers starts bombarding Fredrik with text messages asking whether he’s already sold it. Fredrik gets increasingly exasperated and finally tells the other developer that they need to back off and let him do his thing.
It’s been 7 days and Luis has still not heard from Mr. Famous Broker, who is obviously dodging phone calls. Luis breaks the news to Garin, who is displeased and ready to take the apartment off the market. Luis fears that this deal will put a dent in his reputation.
Since Olivia hijacked the furniture from Ryan’s penthouse to stage her triplex, Ryan feels justified in stealing some of her clients and bringing them to the apartment he’s selling. Admirably glib, he explains the lack of staging by saying that it was deliberate, because he wants to showcase how big it was. Well played, Ryan. Well played. Emilia drops by, and Ryan decides to show her the penthouse. He tells us that the apartment “spoke to him” from the start and that he’d like for them to move from his bachelor pad to a space where he and Emilia can start their new life together. Ryan informs her that he wants to buy the penthouse. He can even start doing yoga on the terrace, because that’s what men his age do. He’s also picturing 6 little Puffer Munkins running around, looking Greek and speaking English, which he says will confuse the neighbors. This touching moment gives Ryan the win for the episode. Next week, Fredrik and Luis will need to bring on pandas, puppies and baby seals to compete with the Serhant feel-good juggernaut.